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abbyroldan@yahoo.com

Unsupportive Mother-In-Law

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Yesterday I was dress shopping and invited my mom and sister to come along. My fiance only has brothers, so I made the kind gesture and invited his mom, my soon to be mother-in-law, to part take in the mom-daughter wedding dress shopping experience. Let's just call her initial M.

 

So the whole time there and on the way back home M kept questioning our wedding decision. After I told her our reasons, she continually insisted that we have a local wedding, near home. She could not support our idea at all. To make things worse, when we went dress shopping M didn't have very nice things to say, didn't even know how to bit her tongue and persisted on wearing something more traditional at a chuch. I felt like no matter what I said, what points I made...she coudln't understand why my fiance and I had decided to do something so "strange" and so far away.

 

Fortunately, my immediate family has been supportive of our destination wedding idea...they completely understand that it's our special day.

 

Has anyone delt with in-laws this? or anyone close to you? How do you cope?

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Ugh. That's aweful, I really feel for you. How did your own mom and sister respond? I hope they were more encouraging and supportive, at least that may have made your MIL check herself a time or two, even if it didn't stop her from flapping off.

 

You may need to take a stand on this, with your fiance, and just say, look, this is what we've decided to do, this is OUR dream, and we would appreciate you being supportive of that. We will not be changing our minds. PERIOD. lol, so long as she thinks she can sway you, she will continue to try.

 

I'm encountering the same thing with both our sets of parents, though not in regards to the wedding. We're planning to move overseas in the spring, for my fiance to do his PhD. Every time we see our parents we have to defend our decision to go. It's gotton better though, since we haven't wavered in our choice and have been on a united front, both taking responsibility for the decision.

 

Good luck. Regardless of how it plays out, this isn't about her. Remember that.

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I feel so sorry for all of the brides that have to go through this kind of stuff! This is supposed to be such an exciting time and you're planning your dream wedding. Why can't she just be supportive of that and stop with all the negativity??

 

I agree that you & your FI should sit down with her and let her know that this is what you really want and that it's going to happen and that you'd appreciate her support or at least you'd appreciate her leaving her negative comments to herself.

 

If my mom heard my FMIL talking that way, I don't know what she would have done lol! I'm glad that your family is supportive! It'll all work out and it will be amazing :)

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I can totally relate, my own Mother wasn't supportive of the decision to do a destination. Anytime it came up her mood instantly changed and she like M would insist on having a local wedding. We ended up not keeping her in the loop with any of the wedding plans for the first few months, and after she expressed how hurt she was, my sister (thankfully) pointed out the fact that we weren't going to include her if she wasn't supportive. It was after all OUR wedding. She eventually came around and was just excited as me to plan.

 

Hopefully M will also come around! Good Luck.

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That's too bad. I just can't believe M would be like that in front of your mother. So happy that your family is supportive. Hang in there and enjoy your planning.

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I agree with azulskies, my mom would have probably asked who she thought she was, being a negative and b*tchy person!! Don't let this go too far, as I have seen before. Nip it in the bud, as they say!

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Oh Poor you, I totally feel for you, My FMIL is exactly the same!! Needless to say I didn't invite her dress shopping!! lol She thinks that were ridiculous for going down south and that its ridiculous that I'm wearing a long dress.....I'm pretty sure she just talks to hear herself!! lol

 

Don't let her get to you, you guys are going to have to tell her together that this is YOUR wedding and its what You guys want to do, and it really doesn't matter what anybody else wants. Good luck to you!! ((Hugs))

 

Ps - My mom would have LOST her mind if my FMIL said anything while we were dress shopping, but FMIL doesn't have the balls to say anything anyways :P

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Wow!!! the inlaw outlaw stuff is brutal and it can cause such a strain on a new relationship or add fuel to a sentitive one. FI and I have only the one to deal with, his Mom and she wasn't too keen on the away wedding. She wanted more formal at home with her friends around her. She was pretty cut short when we annouced our engagement (we had just returned from Costa Rica the night before) and said "We're getting married and it will be down south... She wasn't thrilled and had a few comments, she went home and had a few days to think about it and hasn't said a bad word since.

I try to think as a parent my son is 20 and if he was getting married how would I be. I think I'd still try to get my 2 cents in there and convince him to do things my way. I know it isn't right it is just an "I know better thing". I truely would support him in anything he wanted to do really and I know I'd get the look to shut up and I'd stop. I guess for some it is hard to give up that control of your children.

Final words; You're an adult and let them know, "thanks for the input but we're commited to this and it is our wedding.

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Our parents werent the biggest fans of our DW decision at first. But after a few months and they realized we were never going to change our mind, everyone got on board. I know they are not 100% happy about it but they have been supportive the best they can.

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Hang in there. The only one I've had some issues with is my sister. She is fine with my destination wedding but keeps trying to make everything super more expensive! No, we don't need that. No, we decided against that. No, that's not us. Etc.

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