Who knew something so little could hurt so much?
Posted 07 October 2009 - 03:17 PM
my FI has a daugther who is 6 and every once in a while she will slip up and call me "mom" and of course i correct her. she went on to tell me that, in her mind, i'm her mom when she's at our house, and her real mom is her mom when she's there. while that is 100% not true, i totally got where she was coming from. "mom" to her and at her age means more "female adult" than it does what we see it as.. the person who gave you life, etc. it was interesting to see her mind working through things, but i have been trying to explain to her what the difference between mom and stepmom are.
my mom told me once to stop trying to give FI's daughter the mental capacity of an adult when it comes to things like this. kid's don't always understand the situation the way we do or express themselves the way we think they should. i know it is nearly impossible not to take what they said personally, but i am certain your boys didn't mean it that way.
if this is any consolation, your sons could just be trying to work through what it means and who this lady is to them now that their dad has remarried.
i also think it is fantastic that you have a good enough relationship with your ex that you can sit down and have a civil discussion about these things though. i can't imagine how helpful that has been for your kids through everything!
good luck with this whole situation.. i will certainly be thinking good thoughts for you that you get it straightened out and find peace with everything!
Posted 07 October 2009 - 03:28 PM
Posted 07 October 2009 - 03:37 PM
Posted 07 October 2009 - 03:53 PM
Posted 07 October 2009 - 04:33 PM
here is some insight from the other side i myself am a Smom, Smother, Smadre, aka bonus mom, step-mom, oops-i-slipped-and-called-you-mom and while dougs kids call me all of the above, they know in their heart who is their mommy, and who is their Abbie, if that makes sense! another thing that happens is doug will accidentally call me Nicole! oops, now that one is usually when he is mad or frustrated at me haha
but seriously, the kids will call me abbie almost always, unless they want something, then its the silly version of mom, madre, mother, etc until i cave. when they call me these forms of "mom" i know they dont mean "hey you, im confused as to who loves me more" they mean "hey you, im so glad you love me as much as my mom does so sometimes the word i call you sounds the same". hope that rambling makes sense!
dont stress any more over it, you know your kids unconditionally love you and always will, while their step-mom will ALWAYS have to fight for their love, thats just how it is
Posted 07 October 2009 - 04:36 PM
Over the past four years we have had moments when I have been Mom (she would probably call me the 8itch) and there has been times when I have been just Sue and I am sure she was just happy that is all I was and she could talk to me.
I guess the point I am making is sometimes people try to paint the mom, dad kids and the white picket fence and that really isn't the majority of the families out there.
Steph you're their mom and no one can take that from you..... And she should not accept the label as mom either. "That comes from birth"
Posted 07 October 2009 - 04:47 PM
I agree with the above poster as well, I think that sometimes they just get confused with the role and its not them saying "mom or dad" per say its just them putting a name on the figure(i hope that makes sense). Kids know in their heart who mom is and that will never change =) HTH
Big hugs sent your way!
Posted 07 October 2009 - 05:23 PM
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