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Guilt for Chosing DW

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#11 Sloan

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    Posted 22 September 2009 - 12:21 AM

    Congrats on your engagement and your decision to have a DW! And of course all of the awesome-ness and grief that comes with that decision!

    Yay for your Mom!! I think she is spot on. Dont feel guilty for choosing to have the wedding of your dreams. There will always be naysayers... dont listen to them. Do what you want and what works for you and your future hubby!!

    Happy planning!

    #12 Vikki

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      Posted 22 September 2009 - 02:02 AM

      First of all congratulations-this is a very special time for the two of you.

      Second-this is your wedding. The day that you and your FI make the commitment to spend the rest of your lives together and it is about the two of you. If you both want a DW then forget the negative comments and just move forward planning the wedding of your dreams. I think most of the brides that post here have run into some level of resistance to having a DW.

      If family involvement is very important to you then have a special reception at home after you return. That way people that couldn't make it can feel included and have a chance to celebrate with you.

      But please don't let this backlash keep you from having your dream wedding.

      Good luck and we're all here if you need to vent :-)

      #13 Dmitri_Markine

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        Posted 22 September 2009 - 02:50 AM


        #14 itsfinallyhere

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          Posted 22 September 2009 - 07:10 AM

          Welcome, Congrats, and Happy planning.

          I have to agree with the other girls here. Do what you want. It is your day. It is SUPPOSE to be all about YOU! Make your dreams come true. This day is suppose to make all your dreams come true. These other people either hand their time or will get their time. But this round belongs to you. You will regret not following your heart otherwise. This is suppose to be a one shot deal so don't compromise on anything. And if your mom is behind you they I say all the rest can go or not as they please. Your mom is right and so are you. All others are being selfish. Next time someone complains just explain that if they are unable to go you understand and will be thinking of them on that day. Hopefully they too will be thing of you getting married in paradise , and enjoying a week celebration while they are at work!

          #15 SusieQ

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            Posted 22 September 2009 - 07:34 AM

            First!!! congrats and take then take a deep breath. Secondly you haven't heard the end of the complaining yet!!! I even have my ex husband complaining that I am going away to get married. People just don't know when to shut up!!!
            Thirdly, your mother sounds awesome and listen to her and your heart. If your dream is to be married somewhere tropical and magical, it's your dream and your deserve to have your dream wedding. Enough lecturing right? Let your mind wander and we'll help you make your day special... Promise!!!!!

            #16 ClintsGurl09

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              Posted 22 September 2009 - 09:25 AM

              Congrats and welcome, I have had to deal with the same thing. Do what is best for the two of you. I will all work out in the end.

              Happy planning!!

              #17 Cfthunder

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                Posted 22 September 2009 - 10:54 AM

                Congrats on the engagement and future wedding!! This has also happened in our families. We are from different parts of Canada, me on the East Coast and Her on the West Coast. We knew there would be grumbling behind the closed doors, not to our faces!!! And we prepared ourselves the best we could for that. This wedding is you and your husbands day, and it only makes sense that you get a beautiful wedding and honeymoon at the same time. You will never make everyone happy, and not everyone will be able to make it to your wedding, so what we are going to do, is have a reception with family when we get back to Canada so they can feel apart of celebration.
                The only guilt I think we will have is when we are inviting people...I feel bad asking people to spend lots of money to travel outside their Country to come to our wedding, just don't want people to feel obligated or guilty if they can not make it.
                Good Luck!!

                #18 *Karla*

                • Sr. Member
                • 4,854 posts

                  Posted 22 September 2009 - 11:24 AM

                  This is extremely well said. We all go through it. Relax, take a deep breath, and plan the wedding of YOUR dreams, not your family's. Good Luck

                  CONGRATULATIONS, and WELCOME TO BDW, sweetheart!

                  Guess what? You've just made fast-friends with a few thousand other women who, no doubt, have had the very same reactions at some point in their journey towards their destination wedding! You are ABSOLUTLEY NOT selfish for wanting to have the wedding of your dreams, at home or at Atlantis -- listen to you mother, dear! SHE IS RIGHT! Forget all of the nay-sayers and remember that your wedding is about what your and your BRAND NEW FIANCE want. PERIOD!

                  Let me ask you this: Can you imagine what type of reaction you would have gotten if you would have asked someone you know to change anything about their wedding to suit you?

                  The very same people that are upset with you for wanting to get married away are most likely also the very same type of people that wouldn't have changed a thing about their OWN weddings for anyone, so......moral of the story? They wouldn't do it for you, so why should you do it for them? DON'T FEEL BADLY AT ALL!

                  YOU CAN REST ASSURED, you are in the absolute right place to find all sorts of brides and grooms who know EXACTLY where you are coming from, so please never forget: there is always a friend just on the other side of your computer screeen!

                  CONGRATLATIONS again on your engagement, your decision to have phenomenal wedding at Atlantis, and for joining our own little oasis, BDW -- it's a wedding-planning paradise!

                  #19 vlynnw

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                  • 6,003 posts

                    Posted 22 September 2009 - 11:33 AM

                    Congrats on the engagement! I know exactly what you are going through, and I'm still dealing with it myself. However, when it comes down to it it really is about what you and your FI want and you should stick to your plan. We've been thinking of changing locations to accommodate my dad's wishes, however today I stated to my FI "when you asked my dad for my hand he said , you know she's stubborn, well I'm being stubborn and I'm planning the wedding that we wanted and everyone can either try to come or they can stay home." It's best to do what you want instead of regretting it later down the road.
                    Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

                    #20 vix1383

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                    • 7 posts

                      Posted 22 September 2009 - 11:35 AM

                      I am experiencing the same thing now. My family (aunts and uncles) had the nerve to remind me that "since there are so many teachers in the family", we should reconsider our date and do it during Thanksgiving!!! We have chosen 10.16.10 because that is what we wanted!!! Funny thing is, there are only three teachers and four school age children on the guest list - out of 130 ppl!! Stick to your guns and remember that a wedding is about you and your fiance. I am thankful that my fiance and I are on the same page and it's great to have someone stand behind you.

                      Good luck and congratualtions!

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