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Guilt for Chosing DW


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#1 classadiva

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    Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:29 PM

    Well, I've only been engaged a few short days and already I am stressed!! I have known for the past few weeks that my FI was going to propose. As such, I did a lot of research on having a wedding at the Atlantis in the Bahamas in advance of our engagement. Well...he proposed on Friday and we made the rounds to our various family members telling them our good news AND our intention to have a destination wedding.

    In the past two days I have heard quite a few grumblings as to why we want to have a wedding in the Bahamas and why can't we change the venue!! I am so upset. We asked his closest family members over the weekend what they thought and they all seemed pretty excited. My FI's mother even said..."it's whatever you two want." Now I find out that in private she asked my FI can the venue be changed. My FI said he assured her that we would pay her expenses if need be...he says that all is fine and we can still have a DW. I suspect that people in their family are grumbling and not his mother. To add insult to injury, my somewhat estranged father had the nerve to call me tonight and ask me why exactly I am having my wedding in the Bahamas and not at home!!!

    I was feeling like perhaps I was being selfish by doing this. I called my Mom and she basically said to ignore these people that it is my day. She said that I would regret it forever if I caved to pressure. I know that she is right because the truth is that as much as the Atlantis costs, I would have to have more people at a wedding here in NYC and I would wind up spending as much if not more here AND not have the wedding of my dreams!!

    Is my Mom right, or am I being selfish? I don't want to start out on the wrong note when it comes to my new life with my FI. Has anyone else dealt with this? Any thoughts appreciated.

    #2 wilsoml2

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      Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:37 PM

      First of all, congrats on your engagement! I think most of us on here have gone through this stage of others grumbling about our choice, and most of us have decided to ignore it and do what we want to do! It is YOUR wedding, so you have to decide what feels right. If you can't imagine having a big wedding at home, then have a DW. If you decide that you won't be happy unless your are surrounded by your entire family and all of your friends, then maybe a DW isn't right for you. Whichever you decide, do what feels right. Good luck!

      #3 amygirl1169

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        Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:38 PM

        I think we've all gone through this at one point or another. It depends what's most important to you and how you want to remember your wedding day as.
        I personally did look at quite a few resorts and ended up picking one that suited our needs and we were able to get a good price on for our guests.

        In the end, it's your day, so do what YOU want!

        Good luck to you!!

        #4 *Meagan*

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          Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:41 PM

          everyone grumbles. everyone bitches. everyone moans. they are forgetting that for once ITS NOT ABOUT THEM. its about you and your FI. it does get offensive, annoying, and ridiculous. Dont waste your breath because their thoughts will not change believe me, believe everyone... stick to your guns and follow your heart! do not change your decision.. and REMEMBER all your closest friends and family will be there and that is all you need! :)

          #5 alkoch

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            Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:46 PM

            I went through this and still am to a point, but I agree with the other girls, just think about what is important to you and how you want your wedding to be and do it, I just sent out my invites and I can't believe the support I am getting from close friends. Good Luck!

            #6 flipflop.tee

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              Posted 21 September 2009 - 10:54 PM

              Awhh I totally agree with everyone else....if this is what you want than do it...all that matters is that you and your FI are getting married!!! Isn't that exciting enough? I even chose a resort that was a little cheaper so that I could accomadate more of my guests...maybe that is what is troubleing your family b/c Atlantis is very very expensive and maybe some people wont be able to afford to come? just a suggestion...anyways Good Luck with everything and try to enjoy your time planning..this is suppse to be a fun & exciting time in our lives not a stressful awful experience like it sounds like you are having.

              #7 islandbride317

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                Posted 21 September 2009 - 11:10 PM


                CONGRATULATIONS, and WELCOME TO BDW, sweetheart!

                Guess what? You've just made fast-friends with a few thousand other women who, no doubt, have had the very same reactions at some point in their journey towards their destination wedding! You are ABSOLUTLEY NOT selfish for wanting to have the wedding of your dreams, at home or at Atlantis -- listen to you mother, dear! SHE IS RIGHT! Forget all of the nay-sayers and remember that your wedding is about what your and your BRAND NEW FIANCE want. PERIOD!

                Let me ask you this: Can you imagine what type of reaction you would have gotten if you would have asked someone you know to change anything about their wedding to suit you?

                The very same people that are upset with you for wanting to get married away are most likely also the very same type of people that wouldn't have changed a thing about their OWN weddings for anyone, so......moral of the story? They wouldn't do it for you, so why should you do it for them? DON'T FEEL BADLY AT ALL!

                YOU CAN REST ASSURED, you are in the absolute right place to find all sorts of brides and grooms who know EXACTLY where you are coming from, so please never forget: there is always a friend just on the other side of your computer screeen!

                CONGRATLATIONS again on your engagement, your decision to have phenomenal wedding at Atlantis, and for joining our own little oasis, BDW -- it's a wedding-planning paradise!

                #8 classadiva

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                  Posted 21 September 2009 - 11:19 PM

                  OMG....thank you all so much. I was about to lose it. I guess Mom was right. I was really starting to feel like a selfish jerk!! As I told my father, I picked the Atlantis because it is my FAVORITE place to visit...so much so that I go at least once a year...sometimes twice. The place holds special meaning to me and I also want family and friends to experience what I love so much. I was able to get a quote for a room rate of around $220 per night which I don't think is unreasonable considering we just went to another family wedding and spent $179 for a night in a Hyatt on Long Island, NY!!

                  My mother told me that most brides planning a DW likely go through this...I guess she is right. Thanks again for your words of wisdom.

                  #9 classadiva

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                    Posted 21 September 2009 - 11:22 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by islandbride317

                    CONGRATULATIONS, and WELCOME TO BDW, sweetheart!

                    Guess what? You've just made fast-friends with a few thousand other women who, no doubt, have had the very same reactions at some point in their journey towards their destination wedding! You are ABSOLUTLEY NOT selfish for wanting to have the wedding of your dreams, at home or at Atlantis -- listen to you mother, dear! SHE IS RIGHT! Forget all of the nay-sayers and remember that your wedding is about what your and your BRAND NEW FIANCE want. PERIOD!

                    Let me ask you this: Can you imagine what type of reaction you would have gotten if you would have asked someone you know to change anything about their wedding to suit you?

                    The very same people that are upset with you for wanting to get married away are most likely also the very same type of people that wouldn't have changed a thing about their OWN weddings for anyone, so......moral of the story? They wouldn't do it for you, so why should you do it for them? DON'T FEEL BADLY AT ALL!

                    YOU CAN REST ASSURED, you are in the absolute right place to find all sorts of brides and grooms who know EXACTLY where you are coming from, so please never forget: there is always a friend just on the other side of your computer screeen!

                    CONGRATLATIONS again on your engagement, your decision to have phenomenal wedding at Atlantis, and for joining our own little oasis, BDW -- it's a wedding-planning paradise!
                    Thank you for your WISE words...I think I will print them tomorrow!! You are sooo right...not a one would change their plans for me. As long as the people we love most can be there...and we have made a financial commitment to pay the expenses of any necessary party that can't afford it....I am going to stand firm unless my FI has an objection.

                    #10 jenniebey

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                      Posted 22 September 2009 - 12:02 AM

                      Congratulations on your engagement!

                      We've all been there with having to defend the decision to have a DW. Your mom is right. Don't listen to them and do what you want. It's your day and the people who want to be there will!

                      Welcome to the forum! Hugs!




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