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Alright ladies, I need your help once again...


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#1 FutureMrsLewis

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    Posted 18 September 2009 - 09:26 PM

    As you can tell, we have decided to have our DW in Florida at Walt Disney World. I am VERY excited, as is FI and his parents...

    However, I haven't told my parents yet...

    They know we're getting married, they just want us to have a local wedding in Dildo (It's in Newfoundland. Yes it's an actual town... I'll wait for you to stop snickering... Okay, continue lol)

    Some of you may remember the drama I had with my parents last year, most probably don't. Basically, my family are VERY hard to get along with, and I stay pretty distant from all of them. I tried cutting them out of my life completely, they threatened to beat my door down and drag me out themselves. It didn't work. I got the riot act for deleting Facebook at one point. They're idiots, and if I do ONE thing that benefits me, and not them, then I'm selfish.

    ANYWAY, back on topic. I haven't told them yet that we want to go away to get married, and go to WDW at that. We're not expecting them to pay for ONE THING, except their transportation and hotel. So my dress, flowers, rings, reception, ceremony, EVERYTHING will be paid for by us. But I know that as soon as I mention that we want to go away, they're going to start yelling like five year olds and tell me how selfish I am and that they won't be going. I have to tell them soon, because I want to give them time to save the money, but how do I do it? They live an hour and a half away, and I don't have a car, so I can't go visit (nor will they come visit). So it's either phone or e-mail. I know e-mail is very impersonal, and I hate using it, but it's so much easier than getting yelled at Uggh, this is such a stupid, unnecessary problem!

    What in the do I do, and how do I do it? I have enough stress from being in school, I don't need this crap!

    #2 jk1101

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      Posted 18 September 2009 - 09:39 PM

      I think the best thing, if you're not going to do it in person, is on the phone because whatever you put in email can get twisted. Make some notes and have them in front of you. Take a breath, make the call, say what you have to say and get ready. You know what they might say, so you can be prepared...so that's the worst case scenario...best case...they tell you they can't wait to come.
      In the event they start screaming the way you think...cut them off, tell them you're sorry they feel that way and get off the phone. Don't argue, don't beg them to change their mind or try to get them to see things your way...it's not going to work. Let the information sink in, and give it some time.

      Once you actually make the call you'll feel better that you got it over with but remember:

      DO NOT LET THEM RUIN YOUR HAPPINESS!!!!



      Let us know what happens and good luck!

      #3 shellk

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        Posted 19 September 2009 - 03:54 AM

        i say you need to arrange a trip to go and see them.by being there and talking in person everything will get sorted out there and then.be prepared to be yelled at even though you don,t deserve it and they will be in the wrong but they won,t change.do it asap so you don,t worry about it for too long and the longer you leave it the harder it will become.explain that you are paying for the wedding and it would mean the world to you if they were there and leave it with them.don,t kiss their a**e its your day and you are doing what you want to do.

        good luck keep us in touch

        #4 Stamperamma

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          Posted 19 September 2009 - 08:35 AM

          My family acts the exact same way. I told my mom I was getting married, then when we decided on a destination wedding we created an electronic invite (we only gave ourselves 14 weeks from the day we decided to the day of the wedding). The invite was sent to all family and friends. The wording we used on the invite was as follows. You could use similar wording for a save the date.

          Dear Family and Friends:

          Warren and I have finally chosen a date and a location for the wedding. (details attached) We have decided on a destination wedding in Jamaica. It is someplace neither one of us has been to, but friends have, and they loved it. We realize that by going away to get married few of our friends and family will actually be able to attend. For this we apologize.

          Warren and I will be planning a get together once we return from Jamaica - invitations to follow by mail once we have finalized all the details.

          Should you wish to attend the wedding or view details about the resort I have attached two links below for your convenience. If you do decide to attend please advise us in advance so we can notify the wedding planner.

          Thank you everyone.

          ************************************************** **********************************
          Hoping every thing goes well for you and your fiance.

          Dea

          #5 FutureMrsLewis

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            Posted 19 September 2009 - 02:21 PM

            I think the phone would be best... I can't visit them, I have no way to get there. At least on the phone I can hang up and I wouldn't have to risk anyone taking a swing at me (yes, they're that crazy). I'm going to do it soon, I just have to get the courage up first. Standing up to my parents has never been one of my stronger points. And they're so proud of me right now for how well I'm doing in school, it feels wrong to disappoint them again... I wish it was like in junior high when you wanted to ask the cute guy to dance, but you couldn't, so you sent a friend to do it... Why can't I get someone else to break the news to them? That would be SO much easier! lol But alas, this is one of those things they need to hear from me...

            #6 islandbride317

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              Posted 19 September 2009 - 04:55 PM

              Oh......you poor thing, love!

              Family drama is just the worst, you know? It makes me think of that saying, "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family". Let me start by saying, I AM SO SORRY to hear about all of this drama; you seem like such a sweet, kind, and thoughtful person, and I would have had no idea that there was something like this going on in your life, because you are always so upbeat in your posts.

              Whenever they get you down, always remember you BDW sisters are here and we support you in whatever decisions you make, wedding-related or not!

              Now, here's my advice on how to deal with this: I would write a letter, because you can't interrupt a letter when it's speaking, you can't hang up on a letter and you can't scream at a letter, and unlike a conversation, a letter can be re-read again and again until maybe your point will get across. And seriously, they would HIT you for have a DW at WDW?!?!? WTF - you're right; they DO have major issues they need to work out! No one should have to be that afraid to tell their family about what should be one of the happiest events in their life!

              Stay strong, and once more, we're here for you if you need someone in your corner!

              P.S. And yes, I was snickering at the name of the town, too! Who names a town "DILDO" anyway?

              #7 FutureMrsLewis

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                Posted 19 September 2009 - 05:48 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by islandbride317
                Oh......you poor thing, love!

                Family drama is just the worst, you know? It makes me think of that saying, "You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family". Let me start by saying, I AM SO SORRY to hear about all of this drama; you seem like such a sweet, kind, and thoughtful person, and I would have had no idea that there was something like this going on in your life, because you are always so upbeat in your posts.

                Whenever they get you down, always remember you BDW sisters are here and we support you in whatever decisions you make, wedding-related or not!

                Now, here's my advice on how to deal with this: I would write a letter, because you can't interrupt a letter when it's speaking, you can't hang up on a letter and you can't scream at a letter, and unlike a conversation, a letter can be re-read again and again until maybe your point will get across. And seriously, they would HIT you for have a DW at WDW?!?!? WTF - you're right; they DO have major issues they need to work out! No one should have to be that afraid to tell their family about what should be one of the happiest events in their life!

                Stay strong, and once more, we're here for you if you need someone in your corner!

                P.S. And yes, I was snickering at the name of the town, too! Who names a town "DILDO" anyway?
                I try to keep this stuff in the back of my mind and not let it interfere in my life, because aside from them, my life is actually really great :) And I like the idea of a letter, simply because it lets me get EVERYTHING out without being interrupted. That's actually what I used last year when I told them that they have to back off before they literally kill me with stress. It worked, except they took the overdramatic route of "Denise hates us, and it's all her fault!" ignoring the fact that I was in and out of the hospital three times with heart palpitations because of their bull$hit... I like the phone idea, and really think they need to hear it from my mouth, but at the same time, they'll jump the gun before I actually get all of the details out and just focus on the negatives (they have to pay for their own trips) and won't actually give me a chance to explain all of the positives. Oi... My head hurts... lol

                And EVERYONE snickers at Dildo. But we also have other towns that are kinda silly, like "Come by Chance", "Conception Harbour", "Blow Me Down", and loads of others. Oh, and three neighbouring communities are Heart's Delight, Heart's Desire, and Heart's Content lol Thank God we have beautiful scenery, because if tourists just read about the names of our towns they'd think we were all nuts!

                #8 islandbride317

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                  Posted 20 September 2009 - 12:34 AM

                  So, a phone call it should be, then! I understand where you are coming from in wanting to tell them that way....it really is the next best thing to telling them in person, but then you won't have to worry about whether or not they are going to flip out and physically assault you! My heart truly goes out to you.

                  And, that is just awful that they've had you in the hospital 3 times due to their nonsense! I couldn't believe it when I read that. Do they know this? And how can they not feel absolutely like sh*t for doing that to you? Ugh!

                  Funny Side note: as far as the town names, we have some pretty absurd ones here in Pennsylvania, too -- Intercourse, Blue Ball, Bird In Hand -- they are all real places and people usually don't believe me when I tell them, either!

                  #9 FutureMrsLewis

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                    Posted 20 September 2009 - 02:27 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by islandbride317
                    So, a phone call it should be, then! I understand where you are coming from in wanting to tell them that way....it really is the next best thing to telling them in person, but then you won't have to worry about whether or not they are going to flip out and physically assault you! My heart truly goes out to you.

                    And, that is just awful that they've had you in the hospital 3 times due to their nonsense! I couldn't believe it when I read that. Do they know this? And how can they not feel absolutely like sh*t for doing that to you? Ugh!

                    Funny Side note: as far as the town names, we have some pretty absurd ones here in Pennsylvania, too -- Intercourse, Blue Ball, Bird In Hand -- they are all real places and people usually don't believe me when I tell them, either!
                    I thought about this all last night, and I think the letter is actually best. Like I said, the phone is more personal, but they like to interrupt and jump the gun, A LOT, and I kinda forgot about that... So I really think I'll send the letter instead. Then if they want to talk about it some more, they can call me or, God forbid, come visit. I say God forbid because they work here in town every day and never come see me. My Mom's had my insurance card that she needs to drop off to me for over two weeks, and I still haven't gotten it. And the kicker? SHE WORKS FOR A COURIER COMPANY! I mean, if you're too lazy to come see me, then send one of the couriers up with the damn card... Rant over lol

                    And they're aware of putting me in the hospital and all of the panic attacks, but they don't really care. FI HATES them, and I can understand why... And FMIL keeps asking if she can call and give them a piece of her mind, but I won't let her...

                    So, back to the topic lol I've started a draft for the letter I'm going to send, and I'm going to let FI and FMIL read it before hand to make sure it can't be taken the wrong way. Wish me luck ladies! I may need it!

                    #10 Melidell

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                      Posted 20 September 2009 - 04:35 PM

                      I think I agree with you over the letter. I would usually say that telling them in person would be the right thing to do, but in your case with the distance and the potential for things escalating I think you should avoid that. Ditto for the phone call, it sounds like there is some emotional abuse going on here, and I firmly believe that you should never accept any kind of abuse- even from family. I'm so sorry that you have this drama going on but it sounds like you've really been in luck with FI's family and I know you'll have an amazing wedding. It sounds cliche but keep focusing on the positive like you've been doing and try not to let it get to you as much as you can. For what it's worth you sound like an amazingly well adjusted person, so I'm sure whatever you put in a letter will be exactly right. Once you've told them it will be such a weight off of your shoulders and then you'll be able to move forward with your plans without it hanging over you anymore.


                      Mel
                      Loving married life!




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