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michelle6114

Are your FI's parents contributing?

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We always planned on paying for the wedding ourselves but asked my FI's dad if he could pay for the 'extras' which he agreed to do, after he asked what he could do to help us.  He is giving us $3,000 towards the extras on top of our wedding package.  FI's mom gave us $1000 as soon as we got engaged to jump start our wedding fund and just recently gave us another $1500 towards our trip itself.  My parents would love to contribute however they just can't.  Both of my parents have been laid off this year so things are super tight financially, so instead FI and I have decided since his dad is covering the extras for us, I'm going to skip extravagant centerpieces and anything unnecessary and we are paying for my parents to be at my wedding. We never expected help but it's always nice to have it, so plan as though you won't have any and if you do get some help just be very thankful!

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Isn't it interesting how sometimes the people who have the most give the very least, and those who have the least try to give so much? When we started planning our wedding (which initially was a BIG traditional Catholic wedding) we decided we would plan with the intent of paying for everything ourselves, which is a difficult task given I am a full time grad student. My parents have generously offered to pay for my dress and have given us $3000 to cover expenses. Not sure if my FFIL will give anything since he now has to pay for his own trip, although it would be greatly appreciated if he did. I am so thankful for my parents generosity. They have to also pay for my brother's trip down south so they have three trips plus the other things I have mentioned. While not expected, their help was so greatly appreciated.

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Oi, this has been an ongoing issue with us, too. My parents are not well off but are not struggling. My FIL's are what I call "struggling by choice". Soon after deciding on a DW, my parents told us they'd be able to give about $5K. I found out that they were planning on getting most of that out of their retirement or by a loan, and it made me a little uneasy. My parents told me not to worry, they were just thrilled my FI and were getting married and that's what parents do. MY FMIL on the other hand  turned into a wicked FMIL as soon as we got engaged. She told me she looked up on the internet what the groom's family pays for. She said she'd pay for rehearsal, boutoniers, and my bridal gloves. I'm sorry, but who wears them still, and who the hell would wear them in August on a beach???! I told her it was an all inclusive resort and the flowers were included in the price of the wedding package we got. She then said "Well, then I don't have to pay for anything." wtf.gifThat was only the beginning. She refused to pay for a new dress for her self, so she sewed her own (it was nice...but WHITE!!!!). She then begged her husband to take 5 months off work to stay with her while she moved to Hawaii, her life long dream. FI explained that now ppl don't follow "tradition says" and families contribute what they can, and asked if they would contribute anything and she said they couldn't afford it. But we found out the next day she booked and paid for hers, FFIL, FBIL and his gf (who wound up breaking up and now they can't get the money back). FFIL decided he wanted to help with the wedding so he left Hawaii and came back to the mainland and went back to work (he's a long haul truck driver), this pissed FMIL off. We also found out that she only booked to come to the wedding for 3 days, but will be taking 2 weeks off of work after that to spend time with family member that she convinced to fly back to Hawaii with her. Additionally, my FI's grandma is loaded, she always gives people $$$ for whatever they want. FI asked if she would pay for our photographer or help in anyway. She said she FMIL told her she didn't have to give us any money since tradition says...AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

 

Recently, my grandmother passed away and with the money she split up between my mom and uncles, my mom is giving us all of what she got "as a gift from grandma". It will cover the entire cost of the wedding. It kills me how selfless my parents are and how stingy my FMIL is.

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wow kerrib...that is some drama...I hope it gets better...this is no way for a FMIL to act...

 

My fiance's mother passed away a few years ago and his father live in Jamaica struggling to make ends meet..so its us and my mom...

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My fiance and I are planning to pay for the entire wedding ourselves.. One of the reasons why we chose to have a DW was so that our parents wouldn't be burdened with the financial cost of a traditional wedding..

 

It does make me mad to hear all your stories about well off in-laws not contributing or offering to help!! It sucks that sometimes our families can be so horrible to us during what should be such a happy times in our lives.

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My FI and I were planning on paying for our wedding ourselves.  We knew our parents were going to have to pay for a trip and so we didn't expect anything.  We already had enough money saved up for our wedding after a few months and thats when my parents and my FI parents decided they would each give us $2500, which was totally unexpected.  Because we already have the money saved for our wedding we will use that money to help us with our down payment on a house.

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My mother has offered to pay the costs of the wedding, we were planning on covering the costs ourselves.  I told her this but she refuses and says this is what the bride's family does.  My parents are divorced and my father is much better off finacially so I hope he agrees to cover half of the expenses.  FI and I will cover the costs of invitations, OOT bags and decor.

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Wow, there really are some horror stories out there! We are covering all our wedding costs and travel ourselves.  We didn't feel comfortable asking either of our parents for money towards it.  FIs parents paid for our stamps for our invites and RSVP cards! They're great though!

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