Are your FI's parents contributing?
Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:44 PM
My mother is on a fixed income and we never expected anything from her. I know that most couples these days pay for everything themselves.
My FI's parents are quite "well off: (for lack of a better term). They know we have been struggling the past few months. So far they haven't offered to help pay for anything, and FI refuses to ask them. But it makes me mad when we are all together, and they brag about how their latest purchases cost $$$$$. All of these things trivial and pointless. $900 on 24k christmas ornaments. And they spent over $60,000 on their daughters wedding. It makes me sick to listen to this all while knowing my mom can barely afford food.
I am just wondering if anyones future in-laws have offered to contribute to the costs of the wedding. Am I wrong for resenting that they not offer anything? We have never said anything to them but they know we are struggling and will be till after Christmas.
Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:53 PM
Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:53 PM
FI's parents also have money but haven't said anything. But we don't want to outright ask. So we are expecting to just cover the rest and I have a feeling his mom will write us a cheque for a wedding gift. She wrote us a cheque for $14,000 when we bought our condo as a gift and to help out with the downpayment which we didn't ask for. So I dunno. I just anticipate the same type of thing but I also am not going to count on it. We even flew out to calgary to discuss it in person but FI couldn't bring it up.
I have a different relationship with my parents I seriously just emailed and was like, hey our ceremony and reception costs $12,000, how much are you going to chip in? hehe and my mom said half. So awesome.
I guess plan on paying for it yourself and anything else is bonus! that's my advice as someone in the same situation.
Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:57 PM
Personally, I think it's an out of date tradition to expect the brides family to take on the entire cost of a wedding. but I empathize with not wanting to ask for their help. I'm sure, though, that they have something in store for the two of you as a wedding gift, considering they put 60 grand into your sil's wedding (how someone can justify spending that much is beyond me!!) Perhaps it will be enough to pay off some of your wedding costs?
Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:23 PM
Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:26 PM
Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:31 PM
My parents have pitched in $2000 cash and various other things like our AHR. They are also paying $3200 for my sister and her husband to attend. I never expected them to do any of that. As nice as it is to have people chip in we were planning to foot the bill ourselves and the only thing we asked of them was to attend.
Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:42 PM
Some families are very traditional when it comes to wedding costs and typically the grooom's family was off the hook (I also think that's very outdated). Maybe your FI's family is one of them which is why they dropped $60K on their daughter's wedding. Unfortunately, if you and your FI don't ask, or at least explain that due to your own financial constraints there are things you won't have that you wish you could, I think it's unfair to resent them for it. (I say this, but I know I would feel the same way that you do!)
Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:45 PM
My FI’s parents are being pretty strange about the whole thing. First, my family may not even be able to attend the wedding because of $ issues, so any contribution from them is out. My FI assumed that his parents would give us 10k, because that’s what they gave both of his sisters for theirs. However, when the market tanked, I think they took a pretty big hit. So we have planned on doing it all ourselves. Since then, they have mentioned to him that they are going to help out, but don’t give a dollar amount. They never do this when I am around, which I think is very strange, we are all pretty close.
So the long and short of it: we are planning on paying ourselves, and since a bulk of it is due at the very end, (resort, photog) we will see how much they give and call it a bonus! That is probably the smartest thing…. Hopefully we can come up with enough at the end!!! Sheesh
Posted 16 September 2009 - 04:00 PM
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users