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HELP!!! Feeling pretty bad about asking my guests to spend all this money...


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#11 lnf_munchkin

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    Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:02 PM

    I've also read . . . I think somewhere on this site, that if they are people on your "must have" list, it's ok for you to pay for them to come . . . . if you can!

    #12 svetayasofiya

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      Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:14 PM

      My situation is slightly different as I live thousands of miles away from my family... so they would have all had to travel anyway. Rather than them spending $$ coming for a long weekend to my wedding, it just made sense to make a weeks vacation out of it. For them it's ending up costing them the same as it would have for a long weekend in the city! Win! win! Plus I get to have the quality time with them I wouldn't have had had we planned it locally. Now that all being said... we gave everyone a heads up as to what our plans were last Christmas... my fiancĀ©'s family took some convincing, but in the end, if we had both sets of parents in it was enough for us. In the end, everyone got on board. My best advice is just to be prepared for people to promise a lot, but when it comes down to booking, to expect a lot of ''oops! I can't actually afford it afterall''. It's inevitable.

      Now..... finally! my MAIN reason for having a DW is we simply can not afford to spend $30k+ on a local wedding. As it is the DW is costing $10k after everything is said and done (dress, photographer, rings, trip, wedding costs etc...) So flip the coin over and put it this way: Should THEY all not feel bad for asking you to spend all that money on a local wedding just so they can come?

      go to the beach and have fun! Afterall... like all the girls have said, it's your day.

      #13 Jennybell1

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        Posted 16 September 2009 - 02:51 PM

        AS the other ladies have said on here...its your day so do what you want to do. I too changed from one resort to another to another for the same reasons. But in the end, I decided on the resort that I could afford as well as keeping in mind my family in friends in regards to finances and ammenities for the resort. I think you need to be prepared to have people decline due to finances or timing or whatever the reason may be. Regardless of an in town wedding or DW - you never get a full attendance due to circumstance. If it is really important to have your BF their and you can find another resort that is just as great as the one you originally wanted to go to and your sincerly okay with changing then change it. But again it is you day so you have to go with your heart. You might have to ask yourself who "need" to be present at your wedding and try to work with that based on your response. In the end you dont want to resent people bc you didnt get to have the resort you wanted....so you have to choose what is more important...having certain people there for sure and changiny your resort or is having the resort you want for your wedding more important. No one can decide this for you and no one should fault you for the decision you make.
        As for Q#3 - I sort of put the word out there very early to see how people responded. In the end I am picking a place and time and sending out my STD and I will go with the flow. Whether we have 5 people there or 20......I really hope everyone can come, but will be okay if they cant. So long as I get to marry him, thats all that really matters to me....dont get me wrong, I would love to have all of my family there and all my friends but sometimes its just not in the cards.

        Good luck with your decision...just remember to own your decision and you will be happy with it in the end.

        #14 tracyann

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          Posted 16 September 2009 - 03:32 PM

          If you want a DW, then you should get it-- believe me I understand the finances part of it, but if your MOH can't afford the hotel you are having your wedding at, is there another hotel close by that would be less expensive, or instead of her going for a week, could she do a shorter amount of time (long weekend maybe)?

          Good Luck!

          #15 Bride-chill-a

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            Posted 17 September 2009 - 01:08 AM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by svetayasofiya
            My situation is slightly different as I live thousands of miles away from my family... so they would have all had to travel anyway. Rather than them spending $$ coming for a long weekend to my wedding, it just made sense to make a weeks vacation out of it. For them it's ending up costing them the same as it would have for a long weekend in the city! Win! win! Plus I get to have the quality time with them I wouldn't have had had we planned it locally. Now that all being said... we gave everyone a heads up as to what our plans were last Christmas... my fiancĀ©'s family took some convincing, but in the end, if we had both sets of parents in it was enough for us. In the end, everyone got on board. My best advice is just to be prepared for people to promise a lot, but when it comes down to booking, to expect a lot of ''oops! I can't actually afford it afterall''. It's inevitable.

            Now..... finally! my MAIN reason for having a DW is we simply can not afford to spend $30k+ on a local wedding. As it is the DW is costing $10k after everything is said and done (dress, photographer, rings, trip, wedding costs etc...) So flip the coin over and put it this way: Should THEY all not feel bad for asking you to spend all that money on a local wedding just so they can come?

            go to the beach and have fun! Afterall... like all the girls have said, it's your day.
            Your last paragraph makes such a good point!!! I am feeling guilty too and it's my fiance's family that can't afford it (his immediate family) and he's the one that was the most adamant about having a DW! I even asked his sister and sister-in-law if they would be able to afford to come, before we finalized having a DW, and they said we should do whatever we want and they will make it happen. Well now they are the ones who either aren't coming or are barely making it (for a few days). But he is Filipino so it would be a HUGE wedding if we had it here (which is exactly why we are doing a DW!) so you're totally right...we would have to go in DEBT if we had it local! Funny enough my MIL has said that if we had it here she would have used the money for the trip, to give to us instead. Hmmm.

            Anyways, a DW does feel slightly selfish in the beginning but that's what your wedding should be...about YOU! And we have 40 people attending, so that's got to speak for something (and they can't wait to go!)

            Sigh.

            Good luck everyone!

            #16 mc5363

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              Posted 17 September 2009 - 04:53 PM

              I started by throwing the idea out to my friends and family to get some reactions. Most people were super excited about getting to take a vacation so I decided to go with it. I did set a budget in my head though. I researched a ton of resorts and wanted to keep the cost to $1,500 per person all inclusive. I found a couple that could accomodate this price and ultimately decided to get married at Dreams Cancun. Most people that I really care about are coming, but my FI and I really wanted this and had to prepare ourselves for people not being able to attend. Maybe we are being a little selfish, but what other day in your life is being selfish more justified? It's the first day of the rest of our lives together and we want it to begin as we always envisioned it. Whatever you want is the right thing to do. Everything else will just fall into place:)

              #17 thefuturemrslutz

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                Posted 17 September 2009 - 07:49 PM

                THANK you SO much!!!!! You guys are such a big help. Those were all my thoughts exactly...so far, everyone I have told seems very excited and happy for us. SO, now I am very very happy to be a DW bride!! YAY!!! Can't wait to chat with each of you more! Now it's time to narrow it down!!!

                #18 amybermuda

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                  Posted 17 September 2009 - 10:48 PM

                  Glad you feel better ! It has its ups and downs along the way, but I think deep down you know its what you want. Anyone who chooses to come does so for the right reason. We also helped some people pay for an extra night to extend their stay. That was well appreciated.

                  I know that if someone else had their wedding in Mexico, that I would be excited to attend!

                  #19 Taylorbride

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                    Posted 17 September 2009 - 11:15 PM

                    I was in a similar situation. I knew that the only person I really had to have at my wedding is my Daddy and FI said that he wanted his Mom there. So when we decided that a destination wedding was what we wanted we sat down with his Mom and my Dad and when they said they would go....that was all we needed to hear. I knew that our guest list would be really short but I really don't care. If we were going to have a wedding here at home I was going to have 7 bridesmaids now I'm only have 2. My best friends can't afford to go either. One of my BFF's just bought a house and is planning a huge wedding of her own...my other BFF just got married in March and her husband is laid off. I knew these things when we decided to go away. I'm okay with it.

                    You have to decide if your going to be okay with it.

                    #20 CarlaP

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                      Posted 17 September 2009 - 11:35 PM

                      I had the exact same feelings, but like everyone else has said, it's your day and you should do what you want. When I told people I was having a DW, some (especially my Grandma) thought I was crazy, but most actually told me that they wished they'd done the same! And now that everyone I want to come is on board, we're all looking forward to it.




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