9 replies to this topic

[bholthof]

Sorry for the long post...

so yesterday I updated my status on facebook to "I require your address and phone number."

One of my friends asked why. So I told her that if she wanted an invite to my wedding, in Cuba, in April, I needed her address.
This is a friend that I haven't spoken to in about 5 years, and really wasn't planning on inviting to the wedding. But she wrote back and said, "Hmmm. That may or may not be possible, but details are coming your way." And she sent me her address.
So I'm like, well this is encouraging. She is someone who might not be able to go, but would at least consider attending my wedding. Amazing! So encouraging! Maybe I will invite her after all... she at least seems interested/excited at the prospect.

In the meantime, one of my other, closer friends, who I do want to invite, and would honestly like to have there, also writes on my wall. He says, "Cuba? Do you honestly expect people to come?"

Well, there goes my good, happy, encouraged mood.

No, I don't expect every person I invite to come. No, I don't expect every person I invite to be thrilled that its in Cuba.

But yes, I honestly expect people to come. And it really hurts that there are people I count friends who apparently won't even consider it, or even pretend to consider coming. I also honestly expect people to be happy that we're getting married, but that doesn't seem to be the case either.

When we got engaged, we called our families and they were excited, as were our closest friends - but when we updated our status on facebook with the "we're engaged" announcement - almost nobody said congradulations. And thats kind of the sort of thing you expect people to at least say congrats about - just like on your birthday you expect happy birthday's.

Between this most recent kick in the stomach, and my mothers continued negative attitude, AND the fact that nobody seems to remember when I plan wedding stuff like going to the bridal show this weekend, I am seriously getting down. It just doesn't seem like anyone cares.

I don't want my wedding to be a big deal to everyone. I really dont. I don't even want a fancy huge to do. We have a limited budget. Our guest list is only 10 people outside of immediate family and close relatives. We just want to get married, and have people be happy for us. But apparently that is too much to ask.

Thanks for listening.

[SusieQ]

Sending you big hugs....I hope these little hick ups don't ruin it for you. Not everyone will come and those that do... really love you and and want to see you marry your sweetheart.. It's Friday hun have a huge glass of wine tonite with your sweetheart and forget about it for now.
I vote with the Swine Flu vaccination people also be give a social filter vacc!!! "Think before you speak stupid,there is an actually person with a heart hearing what you have to say"

[jk1101]

It has been an interesting learning experience in the last 10 months that we have announced our engagement. So many of the people who have said "Oh we will totally be there" are now either flat out saying they can't be there, or beating around the bush about not being able to come with various excuses.

I have gone through various moods and am now at the point where I say "F--K it"

The people who really want to come will be there. Nothing will get in their way.

And the people who don't show up don't really matter that much...if they did they would find a way to come.

Do not let this spoil all your fun. The important thing is exactly what you said -

You want to get married and be happy.




You can't control whether people are happy for you though so focus on you and FI being happy and stop stressing about the things you can't control.

If they don't come it's less for you to spend, less for you to worry about and it's their loss to miss a beautiful wedding/vacation.

[*Kerin28*]

Good Luck with everything. As long as your happy and your fiance is happy who cares about everyone else... Have a great wedding

[KittenHeart]

I'm sorry to hear that! I'm sure we've all had a similar situation with naysayers or downers or family that gives you hell (my own mother as well doesn't like to fly so thinks she doesn't need to come) lame excuse...

Just know there are sacrifices with having a destination wedding but the point is that YOU are getting married and celebrating a long happy life with your FH. Surround yourself with positive people and people that want to help. Maybe get some people involved and so they feel more a part of the whole process. I learned lately that some of my bridal party REALLY wants to be involved but I want to do everything myself so I cut them out... which I shouldn't. As long as I show them plans and ask their opinion they're happy

Good luck!

[Krista_H]

Just think that the people who don't want to come will miss out on a great time/experience!! Hold your head up high girl and I also agree that facebook is evil!!

[jajajaja]

I think this is something that every new bride experiences- even the non-DW ones. The first thing you must accept or you will be very unhappy is that your wedding won't be as high on everyone's priority list as it is yours. Yes, it sucks because you want everyone to be as happy and giddy as you are and of course, you want to share that with everyone. Unfortunately, people get married all the time, and those not exerpiencing the "newness" of it all will be neglectful and forget how exciting this period is. (Ie some singles and long time married couples won't think it's THAT big of a deal.)

So my best advice, ignore everyone. Wrap yourself in your happy bubble and when people want to share that happiness with you, they will. Forget those that don't. Otherwise you are going to be very sad and it's not the time for that!

As for your facebook friend, you should have sarcastically replied "ya I do asshole." That should get the point across that IF he was joking, it's not something that you really want to joke about. Tone is so hard to read in these scenarios so try not to let it shake you. As for the changing of status from single to engaged, maybe people didn't notice it. I have a lot of FB friends so my "updates" are changing quickly all the time and I sometimes miss important stuff that my really good friends post unless I go looking for it.

However, congrats on your engagement. I hope the wedding planning process won't get you down, but honestly, its all about adjusting your thoughts/attitudes. No need to let others affect you and take away your happiness. Good luck!

[islandbride317]

EXCELLENT ADVICE, RACHEL!!

And I am also going to officially say "CONGRATULATIONS"!! This is supposed to be a really fun time for you, and some people just don't "get it" -- or perhaps they are even jealous and want to seem disinterested because they feel bad about their own situations and lack of exciting things in their lives. I know my sister gave me a raft of BS after I'd gotten engaged and wanted to share the things I have been planning with she and my mother. She was like, "You know, you don't ever talk about anything that isn't related to your wedding in some way anymore!" and I told her that is because I am just really excited and I thought she would want to be be kept in the loop on how things are going, but if she didn't want me to share, then she would be kept in the dark and everything would be a surprise when we got to Jamaica. She has since changed her tune, and now she seems to be interested, but maybe that's because she's getting married in 2010 now, also....

For a lot of reasons, I am sure Facebook is really amazing, but for reasons like this, I am glad I'm not on either Facebook or MySpace. HANG IN THERE, SWEETHEART!

[shellk]

we just want people to be happy for us its not too much to ask.but believe me you will find that people will come around and the people you love the most will be there and you will have the best day ever.just remember you are doing what will make you and your fi happy and thats all that matters.

[josee]

I know how you feel and believe me, I can relate. You and FI are happy and that is all that should matter! I am sending big hugs your way!!