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Stuck in Limbo

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#1 hara_3d

  • Newbie
  • 18 posts

    Posted 06 September 2009 - 08:21 PM

    Hi, my name is Diana.

    I am not sure if I can properly fill out the fields required for this thread, like date and location. See... I joined because I need help.

    HELP! Please...

    I have no clue when my wedding date is; My fiance and I have been engaged for well over a year now, and we've been busy trying to sort out so many other details that our wedding planning got pushed into a side-priority. But now that we've got a lot accomplished, we are ready to start making wedding priority no. 1.

    I want a destination wedding. My fiance just wants to marry me anytime, anywhere--he even compromised his dream catholic church wedding to accommodate my cliff side destination dream wedding. The problem is, wherever we look, there are issues.

    What issues, you ask?

    My fiance has forbidden the following locations: Mexico (because it is too dangerous, and not classy enough), Brazil--where he is from--is not 'good' enough, nor is Jamaica or Cuba or Dominican. No Thailand, no India, etc...

    What's left?!?

    Well... after a year of weeding it out, I've found some potential locations:

    Spain is a maybe, Hawaii is a yes (if only I could get an all-inclusive white orchid wedding), some places in the Caribbean are okay, the Virgin Islands (so long as it is private, adult only and luxurious enough) is great, Greece and Italy are also okay.


    I would love a cliff side and all inclusive, which is hard enough to find on it's own, but he's ruling out a lot of all-inclusive locations and won't budge because of his strong opinions on having a destination wedding there. This is hard, because we both want class, but also want to save the cash. Money is especially an issue for us because a lot of people we know suffered from the economy and I have two couples who are dear to me that don't have much cash to spend, and I wouldn't want to make this event too costly for them. But at the same time, we have standards that we don't want to compromise on the biggest day of our lives (so far).

    Any advice?

    #2 ClintsGurl09

    • Member
    • 660 posts

      Posted 06 September 2009 - 10:08 PM

      Congrats and welcome to the forum !!

      #3 Melidell

      • Sr. Member
      • 1,091 posts

        Posted 06 September 2009 - 11:40 PM

        Finding the perfect destination is really hard- you want to please each other but also want to try to please everyone else that you're inviting too. I don't have much advice, but I totally sympathize! The only thing you can do, I guess, is take your time, do your research and hopefully you'll find somewhere that you both love. You both may have to compromise a bit, but I'm sure you can find somewhere that makes you both happy- the world is a big place, after all.
        Loving married life!

        #4 *Karla*

        • Sr. Member
        • 4,854 posts

          Posted 06 September 2009 - 11:51 PM

          If budget is very important for 2 of your couples, it seems Europe may be out of the question. Flights are very expensive. Have you consulted a TA? I bought a book from Barnes & Noble about DW, and it gave a ton of info on different locations. I would start there. Fiji is beautiful, but I'm not sure about the cliffs, and it is very expensive to fly there. The Greek Isles do have beautiful cliffs, but again about the flights. The Caribbean may be your best bet.

          What is "good enough" for him? St. Maarten, Turks & Caicos, Bahamas?? The Caves in Negril, JA is an All-Inclusive on the cliffs, and was voted the #1 most romantic place in the carribbean, but it is sort of pricey... I guess if he is holding up your decision making, then you need to ask him, "What is good enough?"

          Good Luck, I hope BDW is able to help you.

          #5 islandbride317

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,866 posts

            Posted 07 September 2009 - 12:00 AM

            Wow....you're up against a tall order on what he'll see as "good enough" -- hang in there! There is help out there though, and you've come to the right place to find it.

            You're gonna LOVE being a part of this amazing forum!!!

            My best advice as you start down the road to your wedding day would be just to take your time and do lots of research before you book or buy anything (resort, attire, flowers, you name it!) and make sure it's all that YOU, as well as your fiance, envisioned for your BIG DAY!

            And that's where this phenomenal site comes in: BDW has proven to be invaluable in my planning, and it's comforting to know that there are other brides and grooms out there experiencing the same highs and lows during their planning process -- a friend is always just on the other side of your computer screen!

            CONGRATULATIONS and Welcome to BDW...it's a wedding-planning heaven

            #6 Dmitri_Markine

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            • 2,782 posts

              Posted 07 September 2009 - 01:41 AM

              If you want classy, choose France or Italy. GORGEOUS locations with a lot of history. Ireland may work too. It's probably going to cost you the same as Jamaica. The problem with classy, you need to be able to capture it. A good photographer can make a kindergarten playground look classy :)

              #7 itsfinallyhere

              • Member
              • 573 posts

                Posted 07 September 2009 - 07:30 AM

                Congrats and welcome. I have to agree with Karla. I think she is on the money. My FI had an issue with Mexico and nothing I said could sway him. We choose Cuba because of several reasons. The country is beautiful. The people very hospitable. The beaches amazing. And there are lots of things to see and do. But the ptimary concern for us was cost. We did not feel comfortable asking friends and pamily to spend alot of money. We struggled to find a location that was both nice and classy enough. We are happy with our decision, and get more incouraged with each couple that comes home and raves. Have a chat with FI and have him explain why he thinks it would not be classy at these resorts. I think that I can speak for all of us when I say we did not or will not compromise on class. The destinations your FI is suggesting are very expensive alternatives. All the locations are beautiful, but costly. You should also look at legalities because each country has different requirements, that will cost you different amounts. Good Luck, happy planning.

                #8 MilitaryMrs.s-to be

                MilitaryMrs.s-to be
                • Member
                • 553 posts

                  Posted 07 September 2009 - 09:30 AM

                  Congrats adnd Welcome!! Have you thought about Itlay or Turks and Caicos? They are both beautiful :)

                  #9 hara_3d

                  • Newbie
                  • 18 posts

                    Posted 07 September 2009 - 10:24 AM

                    Thank you all for your input.

                    Italy is actually where we first wanted to have our wedding, but we decided against it because of the cost.

                    Ireland would be wonderful... the cliffs there are quite breathtaking, however, the rain and cold would likely ruin it for us, and our guests would not appreciate paying that amount of money to go to Ireland, when they could pay for a vacation and get all-inclusive service. I understand that it is hard to meet everyone's expectations, but I believe that we can find something beautiful, classy and affordable for everyone (including us)... I just haven't been lucky in my search so far.

                    BY THE WAY....
                    I do have to clarify that my fiance is not snobby or controlling. I feel awful because I think I did not put my words together properly, in an attempt to condense the information.

                    He is incredibly sweet, but he has standards he won't compromise against, as I am sure all of us do, too. For example, if my mother wanted me to get married in her backyard with a dress made out of curtains and only her friends would attend, then I would have to put my foot down and say 'no' that is not an area of compromise when it comes to our big day, because, regardless, it has to be special and speak of US.

                    I think he wants a classy, James Bond-esque wedding.
                    I want a beautiful, cliff side (or even beach side, if the cliffs are not possible) wedding with lots of dancing and fun for everyone involved, and I think the both worlds can easily meet. Classy and beautiful are compatible, are they not?!?
                    We both want it intimate, and both don't want onlookers interrupting our festivities. It is a very private engagement and we want to keep it 'in the family' so to speak. We agree a lot on the vision, but unfortunately, not all locations offer all inclusive, and I am wondering what places are left that I may have overlooked.

                    Mexico is 'not good enough' because of the reputation he has heard, swine flu, terrorist attacks--I am sure all of you heard of the drug dealers killing those children and locals and it's just not a place that sounds safe (or classy in the context of OUR WEDDING). Just yesterday, he was able to compromise on Mexico, with ESPERANZA - An Auberge Resort, unfortunately the cost is out of our budget.

                    I was not complaining about my fiance, I was just hoping I could get advice on some places that I have overlooked that capture the classy/beauty/intimate package, for a price that is reasonable for us and our guests.

                    Sorry for the miscommunication on my part.

                    #10 vlynnw

                    • Sr. Member
                    • 6,003 posts

                      Posted 07 September 2009 - 10:29 AM

                      Congrats and welcome to the forum! I agree with a lot of other posts already you need to ask your FI what is "good enough" for him. You really won't want to choose Europe if you want to keep costs down for your guests. I chose Mexico after a very long time of researching places. I originally wanted Belize because you can get married on a Mayan Temple there. However, due to Mexico having great flight deals and a ton of AI resorts we figured it was the best bang for our buck (plus his great grandfather is from Mexico so I guess it does tie in). Mind you we don't really want Mexican culture involved. If we can we want more Scottish influence in our wedding than anything, but Scotland was out of the budget. I would suggest the USVI, there are some beautiful places and they still have AI and I'm sure you could find something cliff side. I hope you reach your decision on your perfect location! Good luck with the planning!
                      Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

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