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What to do when a friend is stealing your wedding ideas?


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#21 sjmacphe

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    Posted 01 September 2009 - 02:46 PM

    Hey guys,
    I had a slightly different situation JUST happen to me - but it brought up some of the same sort of feelings (I think). Friends of our just got engaged last week, they were thinking of coming our DW anyway but now have decided to have it AT THE SAME RESORT as us, probably the week after (so they don't have to travel twice). I feel a little weird about it, cause I picked this resort - they are just going to jump right in and get married at it too - and now our pics are going to be similar and we'll probably have the same venue...I dunno, I was just a little sort of disappointed because I understand the practicality but I wanted to feel a bit unique (also if they don't like it, I feel like it's sort of my fault, I picked this place...). Anyway, I think I'll keep other things to myself to avoid us having the EXACT same wedding. As long as I look hotter then it's all good, right? haha - kidding (sort of lol). Sorry for the rant - guess I just want to say that I see where you're coming from, and I agree it's sort of shitty feeling. But, as long as their are elements that are unique to yours - it will be special, plus you will have your own friends/families their which will make it great too!

    #22 TammyWright

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    Posted 01 September 2009 - 02:59 PM

    stop sharing ideas or let really great ideas slip like this one

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    #23 Natural

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      Posted 01 September 2009 - 03:13 PM

      Quote:
      Originally Posted by LowcountryGirl
      In taking in some suggestions from ya'lls post.........I guess I need to take a step back and maybe be the better person and come up with somehow to talk to her. So, how could I go about doing it that it doesn't piss her off and/or makes things better without it being a tit for tat type of thing and nip it in the butt now. :)

      Thoughts?

      Talk to her but just be ready for ANY type of response. My best friend was supposed to be my MOH and she had the audacity to tell me that I couldn't use certain colors at my wedding because she apparently claimed them last year, but the most funniest part is she wasn't even engaged at the time...LOL

      She always had something negative to say anytime I asked her opinion about my wedding plans...so I turned the tables on her, when she told me she thought her BF at the time was going to propose I had a barrage of question for her and she didn't like it, actually cursed me out about it too...LOL Unfortunately, I don't take things like that lightly so I straight laid into her and we haven't spoken since...

      So just know that talking to a good friend can a good or a bad thing.
      Life is too short to be serious...so laugh a little

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      #24 KittenHeart

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        Posted 01 September 2009 - 03:36 PM

        It definitely is a compliment that she loves all your ideas enough to use them in her own wedding...

        On the other hand she should have ASKED you if you minded is she used your ideas for her inspiration as well. ESPECIALLY taking your venue... that's just not right and having her wedding before yours. Afterwards, fine, you had it first and everyone will know that.

        You should just encourage her own taste and some things she's not taken from you so she can get a sense of individuality. Remind her that her wedding should reflect her own personality despite how similar you may be.

        Gently let her know that your weddings yet close should still be unique to each style and taste.

        #25 Islandbride2b

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          Posted 01 September 2009 - 03:43 PM

          Most of the answers are writen like I would, so I give everyone props for writing the things I wanted to say too! I wish you luck. If you talk with her and tell her how you feel or how you see things unfolding.. maybe that would help you decide if she is doing this because you guys are the "same" kind of people or because she really likes your ideas and wants to out shine you. Good luck again!

          #26 MarieSam

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            Posted 01 September 2009 - 03:58 PM

            While I can see why you should take it as a compliment that she's jockin your style, I'd still be pissed bottom line! Those are your ideas, your vision and she' s basically piggybacking them, which sucks and I woulda probably gone nuts had a friend or relative done that with me when I got married, lol.

            That being said, aside from venue -- are you totally tied down to your ideas? I noticed your wedding is more than a year away, and with that in mind there is lots of time to tweak or change some things. While most brides have a certain vision in mind when planning their weddings, I know that I kept looking at tons of photos on decor, style, etc. and my ideas evolved even up to the last couple months. And since you are a member of this forum -- which has an overload of brilliant ideas from so many talented members -- trust me, it's easy to get caught up with so many fantastic options! At the end of the day your weddings, while at the same venue, may end up being totally different -- yours 100 times better of course

            With that in mind, I would definitely stop sharing your ideas with her. If she ever asks about something, just say your undecided and still looking. And when she shares something with you, be neutral and don't show your like or dislike for it. Time to keep that sharebook shut!

            Just remember, you've got this forum and that will give you the edge hands down no matter how hard she tries to emulate your wedding vision!

            #27 LowcountryGirl

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              Posted 01 September 2009 - 04:25 PM

              I feel so much better now that I aired this issue out. I will say that once she decided on the same venue, I went a completely different route and having it on the beach at Sullivan's Island. I think it will be more relaxed, unique, and a hell of a lot more fun. The interesting thing, the beach is more "us" and we are much happier to have it in this location. So, if she does similar ideas, then she has to step them up to make them nicer for her location. I am sure she will with her $15K budget. She's having a night for herself and I am having a night to remember. My budget is less than half that.

              #28 Tonir

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                Posted 01 September 2009 - 04:27 PM

                Haaaa Gossipgirl - those were my initial thoughts, but I wasn't sure how/if people would interpret my sarcasm :)

                #29 mrsrhbtobe

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                  Posted 01 September 2009 - 04:36 PM

                  Quote:
                  Originally Posted by Tammy Host
                  stop sharing ideas or let really great ideas slip like this one

                  Click the image to open in full size.
                  Hilarious!! Why do I keep hearing banjo's playing?!?

                  I also suggest you stop sharing ideas with her, as sad as that is that you have to resort to being secretive with a friend. How do you think she'd respond if you had a heart-to-heart talk with her about your feelings? She may not even realize you're feeling this way (which would be hard to claim, but I'm trying to be positive!). One positive thing about her using your ideas before you, is that you can see what you did and did not like, then fine tune them for your big day :).
                  Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

                  #30 KarenM

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                    Posted 01 September 2009 - 04:43 PM

                    Don't mean to laugh at your situation, but for anyone who watches The Office; this is just like when Phyllis married Bob Vance & stole all of Pam's wedding stuff (flowers, venue, dress!) from when she was s'posed to marry Roy. :)

                    I love the idea of your beach wedding!




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