38 replies to this topic

[Lashawn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa lashawn, the moderators of this forum have a very low tolerance for nasty, bitchy and meaningless attacks on people. if you read all of Yari's post without picking out a few choice words it would be hard to find a character attack on you. she was simply stating her opinion which #1 you asked for and #2 she is entitled too. please refrain from posting towards members in that tone again. thanks, Alyssa

WOW!!! I was pissy? well my apologies. "How selfish of you" sounded like a character attack to me. ALL of my post have been positive and congratulatory and never negative by any means. I was defending myself against being called selfish. Of course I wanted opinions, but again I felt attacked. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE!!

[*kellis*]

I was in my father and stepmother's wedding when I was too old to be a flower girl but too young to really act as a bridesmaid. So I was a jr. bridesmaid. Now just thinking of it from that perspective, if my stepmom had asked me(even being younger than 14 then) to be the one person to stand up with her and if she decided to have more people, anything less than having a main role in the ceremony would have been something that damaged my relationship with my stepmother for a long time. As it was, I had no duties yet they made my brother and I a part of the ceremony by giving us necklaces with a family symbol on them which the minister explained as part of the ceremony. You are becoming a family, not just a couple.

Moral of the story, as a stepdaughter I can tell you that I would be more offended by being asked to step down than anything else. You made the choice to ask her to be your maid of honor. Even if you were only going to have one person each stand up for you, you didn't need to bestow that title. But since it seems you have, she should not be penalized because you decided to add people to the wedding party.

Lucky for you a 14 year old will most likely not know, nor feel obligated to fulfill, the traditional roles of the maid of honor. There should be no problem if you ask your friend to be the unofficial maid of honor and make sure that your step daughter is involved in as much of the planning and wedding as possible. If your friend is as good a friend as you say she is then this shouldn't be a problem and may even be awesome enough to let your step daughter feel like she is part of planning the typical maid of honor stuff like the bridal shower.
It's not like you are asking your friend to be the unofficial maid of honor while you let some other friend the same age as her have the official title and do nothing.

[Lashawn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Future Mrs. Kt Ellis I was in my father and stepmother's wedding when I was too old to be a flower girl but too young to really act as a bridesmaid. So I was a jr. bridesmaid. Now just thinking of it from that perspective, if my stepmom had asked me(even being younger than 14 then) to be the one person to stand up with her and if she decided to have more people, anything less than having a main role in the ceremony would have been something that damaged my relationship with my stepmother for a long time. As it was, I had no duties yet they made my brother and I a part of the ceremony by giving us necklaces with a family symbol on them which the minister explained as part of the ceremony. You are becoming a family, not just a couple. Moral of the story, as a stepdaughter I can tell you that I would be more offended by being asked to step down than anything else. You made the choice to ask her to be your maid of honor. Even if you were only going to have one person each stand up for you, you didn't need to bestow that title. But since it seems you have, she should not be penalized because you decided to add people to the wedding party. Lucky for you a 14 year old will most likely not know, nor feel obligated to fulfill, the traditional roles of the maid of honor. There should be no problem if you ask your friend to be the unofficial maid of honor and make sure that your step daughter is involved in as much of the planning and wedding as possible. If your friend is as good a friend as you say she is then this shouldn't be a problem and may even be awesome enough to let your step daughter feel like she is part of planning the typical maid of honor stuff like the bridal shower. It's not like you are asking your friend to be the unofficial maid of honor while you let some other friend the same age as her have the official title and do nothing.

Thanks for your input. I guess, I forgot to initially mention that I already have asked my BFF to be the unofficial MOH, I was just confused about the actual title. It is obviously bothering me more that it is either of them. Thanks again..

[damaris]

Girl we have sooo much in common! But mine is the reverse of yours, I'm the one with the 10 year old son! lol. He gets along amazingly with my FI so when the wedding planning began he automatically decided he should be best man. We explained to him that he couldn't have that role but that he can walk down with my FMIL to signify our family becoming one. He loved that idea He feels important.

[Lashawn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by damaris Girl we have sooo much in common! But mine is the reverse of yours, I'm the one with the 10 year old son! lol. He gets along amazingly with my FI so when the wedding planning began he automatically decided he should be best man. We explained to him that he couldn't have that role but that he can walk down with my FMIL to signify our family becoming one. He loved that idea He feels important.

Awww..that's so sweet. Perfect way for him to be included!

[damaris]

He loved the idea he feels he has a more important role because he's responsible for his future grandma

[Yari]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lashawn WOW!!! I was pissy? well my apologies. "How selfish of you" sounded like a character attack to me. ALL of my post have been positive and congratulatory and never negative by any means. I was defending myself against being called selfish. Of course I wanted opinions, but again I felt attacked. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE!!

You felt attacked, seriously? I simply stated that I felt you were being selfish. Which is an opinion, not an attack against you personally.

BTW, thanks for the rude PM last night. For someone that doesn't care about my opinion, or is positive and congratulatory, oh and never negative you sure make it a point to rude and mean.

" At the end of the day...
your opinion of me DOESN'T matter!! I wouldn't want to know you either. Good day!"

Wow, such resentment and anger. Very sad.

[Alyssa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari You felt attacked, seriously? I simply stated that I felt you were being selfish. Which is an opinion, not an attack against you personally. BTW, thanks for the rude PM last night. For someone that doesn't care about my opinion, or is positive and congratulatory, oh and never negative you sure make it a point to rude and mean. " At the end of the day... your opinion of me DOESN'T matter!! I wouldn't want to know you either. Good day!" Wow, such resentment and anger. Very sad.

Yari,

Thank you for bringing this PM to the attention of the Mods. As i publicly stated last night - we have a very low tolerance for drama and bitchy bullshit. We work hard to make this forum a supportive place for brides to plan their weddings and build community.

Sending that PM after my public warning was uncalled for. I am closing this thread to end the drama and LaShawn will recieve a 14 day temporary ban for what we consider uncalled for behavior.

Girls, please remember that when you ask for people's opinion if you only want to hear one opinion that you agree with then consider not asking or saying "i don't really want anyone to disagree with me" lol.

enough - let's get back to weddings and all the good stuff!

Alyssa

[boscobel]

ETA: It has come to our attention that LaShawn also sent another negative PM to a member who disagreed with her after asking everyone opinions. We will not be allowing her back on this forum to breed her negativity.

Thanks for understanding the need to squash drama as completely as possible.
Carly