Sorry I changed my mind about you being MOH

[tracyann]

I think that making her a jr MOH or a co-MOH is a wonderful idea!

[Spazz]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Sorry for not agreeing with the masses...I do not think it's ok for you to demote her at all. How sad! This is your future step-daughter. You already asked her and she agreed, period. I feel that it's pretty selfish. To add a Jr title is a slap in the face, she is 14 not 5, she knows what is going on.

I couldn't have said it better myself!

[~Debra~]

I think making her Jr. MOH or Co MOH is a great idea. Plenty of brides have two MOHs and it prevents you from having to hurt your future step-daughter's feelings by taking the title away from her.

[NyBeachBride]

junior moh is the way to go! it makes sense anyways because a moh should be there for u in way that at her age she cant understand...good luck

[bholthof]

Thats tough... I like the idea of a co-MOH, but 14 year old girls are really touchy about things like that - especially if she tends towards the dramatic or if she really likes weddings. Plus if she approves of the wedding, I'm sure she wants to be a part.

 

I like the idea of a co-MOH for two reasons - 1, you can explain that there are certain MOH duties that she, as a youth, might be less equipped to take over, and that your friend might be better suited for. 2 - as itsfinallyhere said, you have to take into account the legalities of having her stand up for you - can she legally sign the paperwork? Don't you have to be of age to sign? And even if you are getting legally married here and signing a marriage certificate over there, the signatures might have to be the same on both documents. In that case, you can explain that she is still a MOH, but you have to have your friend do the legal stuff, adn that you aren't slighting her in any way.

[JulieG]

I agree with Yari and the others who said Do Not demote her. She is 14, calling her Junior is going to make her pissed because you are acting like she is a kid. You never asked her to be JR MOH, you asked her to be MOH. You already asked her, you can't take that back, that is just plain WRONG. I was a BM in my best friends wedding and her sister was her MOH, I did all the work of an MOH because her sister could not, and I didn't care that I didn't have the MOH title, she was my best friend and she deserves the best. So, your best friend should do the same thing for you while being your BM and your soon to be step-daughter should still be your MOH, plain and simple. If you demote her or call her a junior, you are going to piss her off and she is not going to forget it anytime soon. DON'T DO IT.

[Lashawn]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yari Sorry for not agreeing with the masses...I do not think it's ok for you to demote her at all. How sad! This is your future step-daughter. You already asked her and she agreed, period. I feel that it's pretty selfish. To add a Jr title is a slap in the face, she is 14 not 5, she knows what is going on.

What are you talking about selfish!? Exactly how am I being sad or selfish in this situation I almost wanted to say but I value all opinions. I don't like being called selfish by someone who knows nothing about me. I wanted advice not to be called names. If you have nothing nice to say then you know how the saying goes.

To the other ladies.... thanks so much for offering constructive advice. I know that there is a way to conquer this less than ideal situation with everyones feelings in tact. It is genuinely hard to choose, so I will have 2 MOH's!!! What a great idea. I don't want her (future step-daughter) to feel as if I care less about her than I do my really good friend.

My FI didn't want to vote for or against, he just gave me a really weird look and told me to call his daughter (she lives 1200 miles away from us) to see what she says. I wanted to make this change 2 weeks ago, but I knew in my heart there was NO easy or rational way to do it, so I never called. I just went over and over the conversation in my head "I wanted you to think about being a BM instead of a MOH..no.. no I mean I want...." there were no words I could get together that would make sense of my thoughts. So I put it to the forum for advice.. again thanks a lot you ladies really help me out and saved my already great relationship with my future step-daughter.

[JulieG]

Yari was saying that "how sad" meaning she would be sad for your step daughter because she knows her feelings would be hurt if you told her she was no longer your MOH. There was no reason to get to pissy and nasty about it, when you ask people for opinions they are going to give them to you, if you don't want them, don't ask. In her opinion it is selfish of you to demote your step-daughter and appoint your friend instead because really you would be thinking only of yourself and not your step-daughter, so if you did that, you would be being selfish.

 

Also, if you noticed her siggy, she is having a baby any minute now, so I would watch how I say things to people and maybe try to read more into what they said instead of just taking out the sad and selfish words, read the whole post.

 

I think 2 MOH's is a good solution, although I think you need to make sure your step-daughter is okay with that since she was your original MOH, make it seem like its to help her, not to make her less of an MOH in anyway.

[Alyssa]

lashawn,

 

the moderators of this forum have a very low

tolerance for nasty, bitchy and meaningless

attacks on people.

 

if you read all of Yari's post without picking out

a few choice words it would be hard to find a

character attack on you. she was simply stating

her opinion which #1 you asked for and #2 she is

entitled too.

 

please refrain from posting towards members

in that tone again.

 

thanks,

Alyssa

[Yari]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lashawn What are you talking about selfish!? Exactly how am I being sad or selfish in this situation I almost wanted to say but I value all opinions. I don't like being called selfish by someone who knows nothing about me. I wanted advice not to be called names. If you have nothing nice to say then you know how the saying goes. To the other ladies.... thanks so much for offering constructive advice. I know that there is a way to conquer this less than ideal situation with everyones feelings in tact. It is genuinely hard to choose, so I will have 2 MOH's!!! What a great idea. I don't want her (future step-daughter) to feel as if I care less about her than I do my really good friend.

Guess you didn't like what I had to say and well that is tough. You asked for advice and I gave it. Now if you want to live in a world and think it is okay to demote your stepdaughter that is fine. BUT I think you are being selfish...period. I didn't say you were sad, I was merely stating how sad it was for your stepchild that you would even entertain this thought.

You are right I don't know you, nor do I want to ever know you. How in the world does anyone think it is okay to hurt their future stepchild in that manner and then try to justify it?

I have a stepdaughter and included her in my wedding so I felt like I was speaking from the heart, with someone who knows how delicate having a stepchild can be.

This is a child you are talking about, your FI's child. She should take priority over your BFF.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but the truth hurts.