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Sorry I changed my mind about you being MOH


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#1 Lashawn

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    Posted 30 August 2009 - 08:37 PM

    Hello ladies.. I need some advice. My future hubby has a 14 yr old daughter. I asked her to be my MOH because we initially decided that it would just be us and our parents. Then we decided to send out 50 invites and have 2 people each in our wedding party. Now that I chose 2 of my close girlfriends, I don't want his daughter to be the MOH, but a bridesmaid instead. She is very non chalant about most things.. do you think I can make the switch without hurting anyones feelings?

    #2 vlynnw

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      Posted 30 August 2009 - 08:41 PM

      I think if you explain everything to her and how you feel it would be important for you to have a close friend as your MOH, but want her to still be included in the wedding party everything should be ok. If she usually has a good attitude about things I don't think she'll be too hurt and I'm sure she would understand how you feel about having your close friend be your MOH. Good luck, I hope it turns out ok and that it goes smoothly for you!
      Veronica & Adam - May 6, 2011 - Dreams Tulum

      #3 petunia

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        Posted 30 August 2009 - 08:49 PM

        Are you close to your fiance's daughter? Do you hope to be? I think it's wonderful that you initially wanted her to be your Maid of Honor. What a truly special way to start your new family. I'm sorry, but I think that you should keep her in that position of honor. In a couple of years you may not even be talking to the girls who are close friends now, but your future step daughter is going to be in your life forever. Is it really worth it to risk hurting her feelings?

        #4 Lashawn

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          Posted 30 August 2009 - 08:59 PM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by petunia
          Are you close to your fiance's daughter? Do you hope to be? I think it's wonderful that you initially wanted her to be your Maid of Honor. What a truly special way to start your new family. I'm sorry, but I think that you should keep her in that position of honor. In a couple of years you may not even be talking to the girls who are close friends now, but your future step daughter is going to be in your life forever. Is it really worth it to risk hurting her feelings?
          Thank you for your reply. The person that I want to be MOH is the person I was with 6 years ago when FI and I met. She was the first person I called when I found out we were pregnant. She was the person that always told me that as a new mom that I "wasn't missing much by NOT hanging out with the girls," she was the person that told me that my relationship was worth fighting for when we were on the verge of breakup a few years ago. I think I will be speaking to her for many many years to come.

          #5 Islandbride2b

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            Posted 30 August 2009 - 09:00 PM

            I really think if you explained everything to her, that she wouldnt mind or be as hurt. Are you having bridal showers and parties and such? just explain to her that it would be too much responsibility for her to do it all on her own, and it would be best if she was your honorary bridesmaid.. make it sound better, or let her keep her title and expalin to your friend that she is going to be in your life forever.. and it would mean a lot if she would take on the roles of being moh but be okay with not standing first in line??!!

            If this was my situation, I would keep her as my moh, my best friend wouldnt mind stepping in but not having the big title, she knows where she stands in my heart and in my life, she's an adult and gets it.

            I wish you luck and I hope it all works out for you!!

            #6 Jo 2010

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              Posted 30 August 2009 - 09:12 PM

              She is 14 - will she even kno the difference between a MOH and bridesmaid - at that age I probably thought it was the same thing...

              I wouldn't even bother having the conversation...

              Let the friend you want to be MOH know that she is the MOH. Then when you are sorting out nitty gritty little white lies will heklp to smooth over things - I doubt she will even notice... "I want xxx to stand closest as it will balance out the pictures with height", ""xxx needs to sign as a witness as you need to be over the legal age to sign a legal document", "I dont want to dress you in a style thats too old for you, you should look young, hot and fresh - how bout you wear this dress insted?"

              #7 Tonir

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                Posted 30 August 2009 - 09:19 PM

                I understand why you would want to ask the other girl, but I tend to agree with Petunia. If anyone would/should have the maturity to understand not being the MOH I would think it would be your other friend. No judgment from me, but I figured you wanted honesty :)

                #8 ashly87

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                  Posted 30 August 2009 - 09:45 PM

                  My opinion is that you can still ask whoever you are wanting to be your new MOH and still have his daughter as a "jr." MOH. I have friends who have had a Matron of Honor (someone who's already married) as well as a MOH. Also, my FI is going to have 2 Best Men =)
                  "I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of stars makes me dream" - Vincent Van Goh

                  #9 Weddingin2010

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                    Posted 31 August 2009 - 01:38 AM

                    I'll second the "junior" Maid of Honor title. It allows your future stepdaughter to play a special role while your best friend can take on the actual MOH duties.

                    #10 jam8x2

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                      Posted 31 August 2009 - 02:08 AM

                      I like the idea of the "junior MOH" That way she can still keep the title that she probably feels honored to have and you can have your close friend in the position that makes you happy too.




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