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Update - cousin having DW same year, and sister wants to be married 3 DAYS after me

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#1 islandbride317

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    Posted 27 August 2009 - 05:17 AM

    Oh, what a mess we find ourselves in!

    My younger cousin has announced that she is getting married in Hawaii within the same year that I am getting married in Jamaica -- woah is me!

    The issues is this: the only one of the "kids" so far on my mom's side of the family to get married is my male cousin (my bride-cousin's older brother) and that was a few years ago. Ever since, there's been a wedding drought, if you will. Then my FI proposes last August and at Christmas I announce that we're getting married in the Caribbean in May 2010 and everyone is excited. A few months ago, my sister (who is very close with bride-cousin) tells me that bride-cousin has just gotten engaged and is planning on getting married in September, 2010.

    I am freakin out that my family will have to decide between her wedding in Hawaii in September 2010 and my Wedding in Jamaica in May 2010 -- any advice on how to deal with this? She's emailed me, and was nervous that I would be upset with her. Well, I've already congratulated her but I felt the need to expressed my concern that our relatives will have to "pick" between us, due to the crazy economic slump a lot of people are in. I also told her that John and I will not be able to attend her wedding since we are assuming the costs of our wedding/AHR on our own. I want us both to have wonderful weddings, but damn! I wish she would have picked 2011!


    #2 Jo 2010

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      Posted 27 August 2009 - 07:23 AM

      I know weddings are all about the bride, but i think she was being really thoughless. poor you! Not only has she pretty much put your weddings in 'competition' with each other - but she is practically forcing a 'popularity contest' in your family!

      I'm so sorry I dont have any solutions for you - in her email did she say there was a really good reason for her date?? maybe explain the situation you are putting the family in, and that since people have know about your wedding for a while now and have made plans to attend, you just wouldn't want her wedding to suffer... turning it around to show her that it may be her wedding that noone attends may persuade her to postpone her date a little...

      sorry hun

      #3 ~*Lisa*~

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        Posted 27 August 2009 - 07:25 AM

        Ahhh girl! What a bummer! She should have freakin' realized what that would do to the family! Maybe she'll change her mind and change her date after talking with you. I guess all you can do is wish for the best and be happy with whomever comes to your wedding!

        #4 josee

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          Posted 27 August 2009 - 08:15 AM

          OMG what a terrible situation to be in! I am so sorry for you. I hope she will postpone her wedding to 2011 after she realized how thoughless it was. I don't have any advice for you except wish for the best!!

          #5 michelle6114

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            Posted 27 August 2009 - 08:23 AM

            I originally wanted to get married in Hawaii. But the cost are triple what they would be in the Jamaica, plus theres that looooong 12 hour flight from the east coast. I think if it comes down to choosing one or the other, you will get most of the family at your wedding just because of that.

            #6 KittenHeart

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              Posted 27 August 2009 - 10:03 AM

              Man that is completely thoughtless!!

              I would try and talk to her about it and see if they can push it back a little. You got engaged first and you have seniority over her wedding. The best part is that I'm sure you've already got people that are for sure coming to your wedding and like the other girls mentioned, Hawaii is VERY expensive.

              My BF & MOH and I got engaged 3 months apart, her in Nov, me in February and in our planning she took priority naturally. We changed our dates many times and she got married June 2009 and I'm getting married (like you :)) May 2010.

              It's only fair that she make it easy for you and your guests ESPECIALLY since you're family. Just a nice phone chat might be nice, email sometimes can get out of hand if you're not careful.

              Good luck!!!

              #7 becks



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                Posted 27 August 2009 - 10:31 AM

                Oh Christie! Yuck! What a terrible situation to be in!

                I'd suggest giving her a call, and maybe have your moms on the phone too. Who knows, she may be planning on a 15-person wedding or something, but I do think it's appropriate to have the conversation.

                Good luck!

                Happily married since 2008

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                #8 sunset78

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                  Posted 27 August 2009 - 10:55 AM

                  Is her head up her @$$? Why would she do that? Common sense should have told her that people are not going to be able to afford to go to both weddings in one year. And if she gets upset that not many people go to her wedding, oh well, that will be her own fault for planning it the way she did.

                  #9 KRama

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                    Posted 27 August 2009 - 11:37 AM

                    Yikes! I totally understand the frustration! On the flip side, I'm afraid I may be that awful "cousin-bride" as well. My younger cousin got engaged in February this year and is planning her wedding for March 2010. I just got engaged in June and we're planning for May 2010 in Mexcio. The problem is, my younger cousin lives in Phoenix (so technically not a DW for her) but our entire family is in Calgary so everyone will have to travel there. I'm certainly planning to attend hers but she has let me know she might not be able to attend mine due to the costs of her own wedding. On a plus side, my wedding consists of immediate family and close friends so our guest lists only have about 10 common invites. We selected our date based around my FI's brother's (and best man) NHL training schedule so we didn't have a lot of flexibility. Personally, I realized the predicament we were putting our guests in and I am not offended at all if they choose to attend her wedding over mine (hers will be cheaper after all!). We've chatted about it and we both understand the situation. Since we're both on a budget I almost think both of us are hoping some guests will choose each other's weddings just to keep costs down! :)

                    #10 mich999

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                      Posted 27 August 2009 - 11:38 AM

                      Originally Posted by michelle6114
                      I originally wanted to get married in Hawaii. But the cost are triple what they would be in the Jamaica, plus theres that looooong 12 hour flight from the east coast. I think if it comes down to choosing one or the other, you will get most of the family at your wedding just because of that.
                      I agree with Michelle. I would also just be happy that your wedding is still occurring first.

                      My FSIL got engaged a few months after us and was trying to plan a DW for 2 months after ours. We just said we'd be there, because at the end of the day, if their dream is a DW, they are entitled to that too and waiting until 2011 is a really long time for some people. After being supportive of FSIL, she ended up changing her mind because a couple people couldn't afford both (no one was choosing to bail on a wedding they were already excited about and that was occurring first) and some people on her FI's side couldn't make it either. So hold tight, things may change and if they don't - it's not something you can control so just focus on your wedding and that no matter what, the people that want to be at your wedding will be there no matter what she plans.

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