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FMIL trying to stop wedding!

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#11 MrsSparrow2B

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  • 152 posts

    Posted 16 August 2009 - 07:50 PM

    My FI has been married before and this (justifiably as the history books found out!) was what transpired before he and his ex got married. In the end he turned round to his parents and bluntly pointed out that the more interfering they were, the more determined he was to marry her. He also gave them the ultimatum that if they could not be happy for them then they need not be there to witness their happy event. His parents very quickly pulled themselves back into place and the day went fairly smoothly.

    I guess in hindsight, their objections were well founded. Fortunatly we all get on like a house on fire, I'm not sure I'd like to see my FMIL cross with me!

    I know it's stressful. I dont know the legalities, but maybe you could have a quick registry office wedding before your DW - that way if they do try to pull anything it doesnt matter as your already husband and wife? Stay strong, and make sure that your FI sticks by you. The day is about you and him. Screw everyone else sweetheart!

    #12 trance_angelx0x

    • Jr. Member
    • 198 posts

      Posted 17 August 2009 - 09:44 AM

      That is just absolutely terrible. Writing a letter was a great idea, maybe after reading how their behaviour makes you feel, they will be more tolerable towards you. It takes a really black heart to treat someone this way...

      #13 becks



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        Posted 17 August 2009 - 10:16 AM

        Yikkers! I'm so sorry you're going through this!

        I know writing the letter will make you feel better. Don't do it. It won't be received well, and anything that they can warp will be warped. If you really feel you need to write it, can you write it and not send it? If you send it to them they will hold it over you for the rest of your life, and probably your kids' lives. Can you imagine the day when they drag that letter out and show it to your 7-year-old son (or whatever) and say "see how mean mommy is - she's bad and you should hate her".

        At this point, I would avoid ALL contact with them. Leave any conversation or communication up to FI. Just stay away from them - you're 6 weeks out, don't let them hurt you any further.

        Personally, I like the idea of having a quiet legal ceremony sooner rather than later if your FI is up for it. That way it will effectively shut down your FILs and anything they do.

        Good luck! Chin up!

        Happily married since 2008

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        #14 sherric80

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        • 70 posts

          Posted 20 August 2009 - 03:39 PM

          We have decided to have a face to face meeting with his parents with a mediator. That way things can't get out of hand (at least not too fast). We have already decided that we are going to tell them straight out that unless they change their behavior & TRULY support us then they can't be part of our lives. We both also want them to admit to all the things they have said & done and then hopefully we can tell them how each of those things made us feel. I don't believe you can apologize for something that you won't admit to or won't understand the other person's feelings. We are also hoping that they will go see a councelor. They have many problems in their own marriage & we think that if things were going more smoothly between the two of them then maybe they wouldn't feel the need to control so much of our lives. We are also hoping that a councelor can talk them through their need to keep their son to themselves. They have a really unhealthy need to control, manipulate, guilt, and lie to him.

          I also think that I am going to take the advise & write my feelings down, but not send it. Through all of this I have never said or done anything back to them in anger. I am very proud of that fact, but think it would be a good idea to get my feelings out. Sometimes putting something on paper makes it easier to see where your heart is & how to allow forgives to come in. That is what I am working on right now - forgiveness. It is very difficult, but I know that I will feel better once I can say that.

          We talked about just going & getting married, but I am set on having my wedding day be my wedding day. I don't want anything to take that away from me. I want all our friends & family who love us to be there & share that special moment. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just go do it, but the other part of me doesn't want to miss out on the beauty of this once in a lifetime event.

          #15 Lady_Di

          • Sr. Member
          • 5,078 posts

            Posted 21 August 2009 - 12:00 PM

            Wow, that is unbelievable.

            I hope they will come to their senses when you guys have the meeting. I am hoping for best for you guys! I agree that nobody should take your wedding day away from you!!!

            Keep us posted!

            #16 McToasty

            • Jr. Member
            • 170 posts

              Posted 23 August 2009 - 08:06 PM

              omgggg i can't believe all this stuff you're telling us. it's HORRIBLE!!! i mean, i've seen movies and heard stories about monstrous MILs, but yours truly takes the cake. i don't get how people can be so mean. my FI's family all treat me like family already even though we haven't even been together that long. I love that.. as wonderful as i am (haha jk), i know the reason they're so good to me is b/c they love HIM. and as your FMIL "loves" her son, how can she bear to put him thru so much turmoil before his big day? if not for your sake, at least for his right?! it's unbelievably selfish. Ugh.

              *Do* keep us posted. Be calm + try not to let them get to you!!! *hugs*

              #17 YoursTruly

              • Sr. Member
              • 1,097 posts

                Posted 25 August 2009 - 11:35 AM

                wow i cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I hope everything works out for you and FI

                #18 josee

                • Jr. Member
                • 217 posts

                  Posted 26 August 2009 - 11:06 AM

                  It must be really hard for you. It is hard to believe that people can be so mean. Try to be strong. Hope everything works out for FI and you. Keep us posted. Good luck!!

                  #19 LadyTrunck

                  • Sr. Member
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                    Posted 28 August 2009 - 06:06 PM

                    You are so much bigger of a person than me--I honestly don't know what I would have said to them by now!! My heart goes out to you, and given your horrible circumstances, I applaud you for keeping the peace with these nasty people. I wish you the best of luck!!
                    Married to my BEST FRIEND!
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                    #20 jstinemari

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                      Posted 28 August 2009 - 10:00 PM

                      i'm sorry that your having to deal with all of this. when you should be being happy about your upcoming wedding, your having to worry. It's just unfair added stress..
                      I can definately relate. My FMIL is horrible, she's refusing to come to our wedding. She hasn't liked me from the first moment we met either. I wasn't was she had always envisioned for her son...because i'm not russian, she was VERY disappointed about that lol She ONLY spoke in Russian around me for maybe 6 months and she knows how to speak perfect english. She plays nice now after many talks with DF.. (it was probably more of him puting her in check) and after our son was born because she adores him. but she doesnt want to come to our wedding. I let it get to me at first but i decided to just be happy and brush her off.

                      remember, it's your wedding, you and your FH love each other and you should be happy. Try not to let them get to you or push you apart. He should know what they're doing is wrong and you should both be there for each other. I hope everything goes well with a mediator. hopefully you and you future in laws can end up on good terms.

                      best of luck

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