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So my sister just got engaged, 3 months after I did :l


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#21 *Kerin28*

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    Posted 22 October 2009 - 12:55 PM

    Its so good to hear that everything is working out. Communication is key in your situation. Nice to see your mom is pretty much backing you up on the stuff you have concerns on. Keep us updated on your progress!

    #22 breeze616

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      Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:14 PM

      Alright Ladies, I said I'd keep you posted so I am.

      We are t-minus two weeks from my sister's wedding, and a few days past my 30th bday and basically.. things did not go so well.

      While we were excited to SHARE the planning process, the past 6 months have been entirely all about her (which in hindsight, ya, we are all SWAMPED in our last 6 months before the wedding right?) and while I've sent her a ton of ideas (most of which she used) and links etc, she hasn't given me one. not a single link, idea, whateva. So basically, I have 5 months left when I have her attention, and basically my closest families attention because they've been wrapped up in hers too.

      The other major thing of course is the expense, I've watched my savings dwindle in supporting her shower, bachlorette and stag and doe parties, and also had to listen to my closest family (sisters and parents) complain about how their savings towards my wedding trip are being eaten up by her wedding too. And I have friends who simply did not go to her parties because they couldn't afford to go to hers AND mine - which is totally understandable, but I feel both of our parties' will suffer the same fate.

      My 30th bday weekend was squeezed between her bachlorette and her wedding and so I had to make my celebrations as simple and affordable for my friends/family as possible (def not the Vegas 30th I always wanted) and my Mother's 60th birthday was spent sewing her tablecloths and runners for her wedding. My Mom was supposed to have an all-expenses paid trip to Vegas with her sister, but her sister said that with both weddings this year, she couldn't afford to take her.

      Obviously, I didn't really forsee these things happening, or not in this detail. So as more and more issues started coming on my radar - I finally let loose on her a few days ago and told her she never should of put her wedding in this year. I told her EVERYTHING and about how much everyone had to sacrifice and that she should be aware of it to atleast try to make it up to them.

      She of course wishes that I had said something about my sourness towards her wedding date a long time ago instead of two weeks before. Which she has a point about. Though I did tell her it was a big year, and she should really think about it, and I told my Mom to try to talk her out of it. But I didn't want to come out and 'No, I dont think you should.' When really, that's exactly what I should have done. I thought she would think about everyone else's position in this, but she didn't. She is a bit selfish, and always has been. She's aware of her selfishness too, she sent out a public email to everyone with one of her New Year's resolutions being 'to be less selfish'.

      Maybe it would of been different if my sister had shown any remorse towards how my Mom had to spend her 60th or if she HAD sent me any ideas for my wedding, or any number of issues that were mishandled in my opinion, but if I had been honest from the beginning, she probebly would have delayed her wedding, and none of this would have happened.

      I write all of this because I want any future brides to learn from it. If anyone close to you does something that you feel is disrespectful to you and your special day - be honest and tell them right away. The last thing you want is for resentment to build-up and build-up until you did what I did and explode on her

      I'm pretty sure things will remain weird between us for a while. But then maybe she will step up to the plate and be very helpful for the next 5 months. I plan on making her my slave, so we'll see!! hahaha

      If she does try to make up for it, the blow-out will be worth it, but if I feel she isn't holding her end, it will change our relationship forever and that will suck balls.

      Again... I will keep you posted!!!

      #23 Bride2Be21

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        Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:20 PM

        same happened to me..but its my fiancees sister and it was a month later. They want to get married a month apart from us. Going to be tough.

        #24 JanineA

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          Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:39 PM

          Wow! I just had to read through this post because I witnessed something sort of similar with a friend of mine. They are twins, one was getting married and the other didn't know how else to steal the spotlight so she announced she was pregnant....which she wasn't at the time. She didn't show up to to ceremony to be her sister's MOH but she did show up to the reception announcing she was pregnant. Long story short they didn't speak for 1 year. Twins! Sad! I know that your sister acted wrongly and a bit selfish but I do hope that somewhere in all of the madness she can realize what she did and though she can't change it now, perhaps she can step up to the plate of being there for you and going above and beyond. Don't fault her for not giving ideas...not everyone is creative and perhaps compared to the ones you have given her, she may think hers are poor.
          I hope in the end you both have your special days...with your own memories and each with its own uniqueness. And maybe a long well deserved family vacation can be planned where you both take your mom on vacation to make up for her 60th (because with both your weddings mom certainly has her hands full). In the end I know its tough but it will work out. I just hope it works out amicably. Good luck!

          #25 breeze616

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            Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:41 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Bride2Be21
            same happened to me..but its my fiancees sister and it was a month later. They want to get married a month apart from us. Going to be tough.
            oooh, that close? wow that IS going to be tough. My best advice, as I said - be honest, tell them you don't think its a good idea for them to be so close together. If they keep it that way, at least you know you said your piece, and when they'll know you were right.

            #26 Bride2Be21

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              Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:50 PM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by breeze616
              oooh, that close? wow that IS going to be tough. My best advice, as I said - be honest, tell them you don't think its a good idea for them to be so close together. If they keep it that way, at least you know you said your piece, and when they'll know you were right.
              I keep gently saying..wow thats kinda close...but I really wanna say &*%$#@%!!!! LOL well hopefully something will change.

              Sorry I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I hope hope hope you get the wedding of your dreams. :)

              #27 breeze616

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                Posted 21 June 2010 - 02:54 PM

                Quote:
                Originally Posted by JanineA
                Wow! I just had to read through this post because I witnessed something sort of similar with a friend of mine. They are twins, one was getting married and the other didn't know how else to steal the spotlight so she announced she was pregnant....which she wasn't at the time. She didn't show up to to ceremony to be her sister's MOH but she did show up to the reception announcing she was pregnant. Long story short they didn't speak for 1 year. Twins! Sad! I know that your sister acted wrongly and a bit selfish but I do hope that somewhere in all of the madness she can realize what she did and though she can't change it now, perhaps she can step up to the plate of being there for you and going above and beyond. Don't fault her for not giving ideas...not everyone is creative and perhaps compared to the ones you have given her, she may think hers are poor.
                I hope in the end you both have your special days...with your own memories and each with its own uniqueness. And maybe a long well deserved family vacation can be planned where you both take your mom on vacation to make up for her 60th (because with both your weddings mom certainly has her hands full). In the end I know its tough but it will work out. I just hope it works out amicably. Good luck!
                Good point about the lack of idea's, I didnt think of that. while she is definitely creative, she is more wishy-washy. She tends to ask everyone's opinions on her creative idea's and change the idea based on their input, whereas I tend to know what I want and stick with it. She probably knows that too.

                Thanks for the advice. :)

                #28 JanineA

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                  Posted 21 June 2010 - 03:13 PM

                  Anytime! Just be sure to save some of those creative ideas for yourself and keep your ideas for your wedding hush hush.

                  #29 breeze616

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                    Posted 21 June 2010 - 06:42 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Bride2Be21
                    I keep gently saying..wow thats kinda close...but I really wanna say &*%$#@%!!!! LOL well hopefully something will change.

                    Sorry I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I hope hope hope you get the wedding of your dreams. :)
                    pshhht. You didn't hi-jack at all! I tried being gentle too, it didn't work. Seriously just tell her; its completely up to them to have their wedding whenever they want, but to try to think about how all the guests are going to feel having to shell out so much money in the same time frame. You will both suffer from having guests spend LESS at all your events and/or having to choose between them cuz of costs. Your guests will also think both of you are inconsiderate for not spacing them out (even though that wasn't YOUR choice). If you put it that way, not about YOU, maybe they'll think about it. If they don't change it, then atleast you know you did what you could.

                    Good luck!

                    #30 mdb

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                      Posted 21 June 2010 - 06:54 PM

                      Stay positive, Your days is all about you and what you want. Just remember that. Don't worry about what she is doing. If you are doing what you want to do, that is all that matters!

                      My sister was with her fiance for 8 years, and I was with mine for 1 and a1/2 years before getting engaged, she wanted nothing more than to be engaged so I told my fiance we would have to wait until she got her ring first. Three months after she got her ring, he proposed to me. She wants a big wedding, I going to punta cana. I actually told her that if she wanted to get married this summer, she could and I would wait. She couldn't decide and doesn't have time to plan so mine is this summer. She couldn't be more happy for me and is doing so much to help me plan. She actually threw me the most beautiful bridal shower ever. I know that on my wedding day, she will wish it was her, but we are really close and she has told me several times that she still doens't know how and where to get married.
                      Just remember that each of your wedding days are about you!! Remember that she will always be your sister, she probably has no clue that you feel this way and if she did, she woudl probably be hurt.

                      Make your day what you want it to be and enjoy hers as well! : )




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