Am I being the psycho new wife?
Posted 11 August 2009 - 06:19 PM
Posted 11 August 2009 - 09:30 PM
NO you are not psycho! I would say your intuition kicked in and something may be going on. I am not saying that your hubby is doing anything wrong except maybe being inconsiderate to your feeling, but this chick may not be so innocent. If it were me I would definately insist that he change therapists. There is something to be said about our sixth sense and if you felt that stronger right off the pop then I would say there is a reason for it. Trust yourself
So I shut up.
Never shut up, always be heard. Sometimes it is just finding the right words.
Now, fast forward to last night. Hubby has another massage appointment with Katie (physio chick) and he asks me to pick him up after he's done. His appointments are usually from 5:30-6:30 or 6:45 depending on if they start on time. So, I get to the physio place around 6:35 ... and nearly 45 minutes later (around 7:20 p.m.) Katie emerges, dressed in heels and a skirt, all dolled up with her hair done and a nice pink lack bra peaking out from beneath her shirt apologizing profusely because they "got to talking."
I do not know how you had the patience to sit in the car and wait. I would have waited 10 minutes max, then gone in to find out the delay. That was really rude and inconsiderate of him. And where you have ben together 9 days or 90 years he should not treat you with such disregard. How would he have reated if the tables were turned. Not so gracially I think. I would watch out for this woman and get your husband away from her. Maybe next time you need to get him you can get all dolled up and show up early, for the dinner plans you forgot to tell him about. LOL
Good luck I hope this get better fast for you. You deserve to be walking on clouds right now.
Posted 11 August 2009 - 09:51 PM
Posted 11 August 2009 - 10:02 PM
this really bothered me. As a student of massage therapist...her professionalism is lacking. In Ontario the standards are different than in montreal, but still.
Heels...big no no!
Any shirt that exposes undergarments or cleavage even...not okay. I'm really hoping she wasn't massaging in this.
Also spending so much extra time with a client...typically doesn't happen...unless its the first visit, but even still 45 minutes is excessive.
None of this is your FI fault though. Listen to what he has to say. I think it speaks volumes that he's so willing to talk to you about this. And if he needs to find another MT...thats what he has to do...there are so many out there.
I don't know if this would put your mind at ease at all, but the treatment for the IT band freakin' hurts and in no way is it enjoyable! So its not like he's getting a nice relaxing massage.
Just remember to breathe, and make sure he knows how you're feeling. Don't brush it off.
Good luck hun! Everything will work out.
Posted 12 August 2009 - 09:48 AM
So, hubby and I did have a nice, long chat last night (nearly 2 hours worth of a chat) ... and it came down to more than just his hot physio chick. I also found out that, had I asked, I could have found out that she had dinner plans and changed out of her work clothes right after her physio with Colin and what I saw her in was NOT what she massaged in ... which makes me feel much better.
It all started with Colin blurting out: "So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Kinda of pissed like ... which made me a bit MORE pissed (for no reason of course). So I start going off ... and realize that no matter how hard I try, I can't stop from crying ... so I'm a blubbering idiot and as I'm rambling on I realize the crux of the problem....it's got nothing to do with the hot physio chick (who still kinda bothers me, but that wasn't what REALLY made me mad):
I feel like Colin doesn't care. Like, I'm his freaking MAID. And as I was rambling on and mentioning specific things it became very clear to me that that's precisely what it was and that on Monday night when I was sitting there for 45 minutes waiting for him the reason I was SO mad was because to me it just seemed like he didn't give a sh*t ... like, how could he be THAT much longer and not ONCE think of me and the fact that I was waiting out there for him?! Then of course I brought up the fact that I do ALL the cleaning, like the entire house top to bottom, kitty litter, laundry, dishes (everyday, every night, all the time), load the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, clean the shower etc. And I told him he's treating me like his worker ... I don't get a thank-you, no appreciation NOTHING. I don't even get a massage when I ask for one .. EVER.
So, I told him to put himself in my shoes ... imagine he did EVERYTHING around me while I lounged on the couch (which is what he does) and then I didn't say shit about it? I said I didn't need a gold star or freaking candy, just a nice little "thanks" or a kiss on the cheek or something would be STELLAR.
And it's the same in bed (sorry for details) .... I tend to give and give and give ... and well, I don't get much in return. And he said we'd been sliding in the sex department lately, which is true, and it's simply because it started to feel like WORK to me. There's no build up for me, no foreplay, he doesn't really touch or caress or kiss ... it's just ... look I'm hard! Stick it in your mouth/elsewhere! Kthnx bye! (sorry again ... )
So, yeah ... he said he felt like a real dick and when I brought all that up he realized what he was doing ... and he said that when he was with Katie he really had no idea of the time. Her clock int he room is busted and he takes his watch off for the massage and doesn't have his phone. And he said that when he DID realize the time his heart freaking skipped a beat and all he could think of was me sitting out there ... which I guess is nice to hear, but f*ck ... buddy ... 45 minutes?? LOL Oh well ..he's a man ... guess that's expected.
Now, it's not ALL his fault ... I have my issues as well ... of course mine are all to do with communication. I've been feeling this way for quite awhile and I've kept my mouth shut because, well ... I thought I could deal with it. And that's what it comes down to ... I keep things inside so I don't cause waves ... but at the same time I'm beating myself up inside. So, I have to learn to open my mouth sooner rather than later ...
He also admitted that we HAVE gotten into a routine where he knows if he walks away from a mess I'm going to swoop in and clean up without a word of protest and I told him I will NOT put up with that anymore. Not at all. And he said he'll try his best to help out in the cleaning department.
And I said i was just drained ... tired ... exhausted ... from all the cleaning and keeping things organized etc. So that's why I pass out as soon as I hit the bed every night ... that and I don't wan to have to "work" more for sex!! LOL
So, yeah ... I think that's pretty much it .. hehehe .... like I said, it came down to BOTH of us having issues and things we need to work out and work ON ... and it's not the first time I've brought up this lack of caring to Colin. And it sounds bad when I say it that way, but it's just that he doesn't ever show appreciation or anything ... like I have to ASK him if he likes a new shirt I bought ... he never offers up a "you look hot" statement .... ever. And I said that sucks and he has to give me that every once in awhile!!
Oh and he was a bit upset that I don't mention his changing body with the workout he's been doing ... and of course I notice and it's awesome ... but I told him I resent his workouts because while he's bettering himself in the basement and working out, I'm f*cking sweeping and cleaning and organizing the upstairs that he left in a bloody mess for me to deal with ... so yeah ... I don't "appreciate" his workouts like I should because I feel like they're taking up time he could better use helping me clean up ... does that make sense?
Posted 12 August 2009 - 10:02 AM
You are definately not alone, and I think you pretty much got your answers.
Definately push yourself to communicate more often!!! Guys are the furthest thing from mindreaders.
And he needs to appriciate, RESPECT and cherish you... and your time.
So just a warning, he SAID he was going to help out more. Well, guys aren' very good at seeing the "mess" the way that we do. So come up with a short list for him... easy things like trash, empty dishwasher and picking up after himself. I always think... man, if I just didn't have to go behind him with a broom all day long the rest of the cleaning would be a breeze!
Posted 12 August 2009 - 10:13 AM
Best of luck to you!!
PS- I'm impressed you waited 45 min for him, I would've been in there pounding on the door! lol
Posted 12 August 2009 - 10:30 AM
I'm just a really, really patient person (normally). And really, I fell asleep for most of the time I was waiting for him ... and was shocked and then pissed when I realized I'd been waiting for that long when I woke up!! Plus, I do know she's a chatter ... usually when he finishes his sessions she comes out and talks to both of us for 15-20 minutes afterwards ... she's a talker!
He's going to keep seeing her ... and I told him that I would never ask him to switch simply because I'm being irrational. I have a problem with my hip and she's been trying to make me set up an appointment with her as well ... so I might just do that ... see how she is with me behind closed doors. :-p I trust Colin too much ... and even if she threw herself on him naked I know he's not going to respond or react ...
Posted 12 August 2009 - 02:39 PM
Sorry for the long story, I can just totally relate to you! Just this morning I was feeling stressed because sometimes it feels like i do EVERYTHING and Jason skates through life doing the basics and he doesnt even care if the house is messy or not. By the time I'm done cleaning and organizing, and can finally relax, its 9PM...so frustrating!
What I found was the BIGGEST help in my own relationship was the beautiful art of PREFACING. We'd have a conversation where he'd say "I'm sorry babe, I'll definitely make more of an effort to help you" and my response is always: "Thanks so much, I really appreciate that, I just want you to know that in the future I'm gonna give you little reminders if I feel like I need more help and you're not giving, so don't get upset with me!" I say something to the effect of, "I'm warning you in advance that if you don't uphold your end of the bargin, I'm going to keep you in check, and I expect you to do the same for me."
This has seriously worked miracles for me! Now I can bring stuff up and he doesnt get mad (because i warned) and there are times when he does it to me and I'm grateful for it. He puts me in my place when deserved and if he didn't I think I'd only be considering my perspective. I hope you guys can do this for eachother and I'm glad you had a great convo with DH and figured out your own feelings and where they were stemming from!
PS: I still hate Katie....hahahaha
Posted 12 August 2009 - 03:16 PM
but like you say dont think for a minute that something is going on but you want to know why he left you waiting for 45 mins.
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