Am I being the psycho new wife?
Posted 11 August 2009 - 01:35 PM
Hubby and I got married a few months ago (May) in Cuba - best day of my life - and we've been together for 9 years (in December). Our relationship is phenomenal ... we rarely, if ever, argue because neither one of us is confrontational, which can be a good and bad thing. Anyways, the main "issue" with our relationship is the communication thing ... I tend to bottle EVERYTHING up and just let if fester because I don't want to upset anyone, especially him, and I think that everything and anything I bring up is going to cause a problem. So, I just keep my mouth shut. Not good. However, when things REALLY get to me and I feel like I'll absolutely BURST I tend to write him long emails explaining my feelings because every time I've tried to voice my opinions in the past I just end up crying like a big baby (really mature, I know ... but I cry for everything; when I'm nervous, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, when I'm anxious ... you get the idea).
So here's why I think I might be a psycho:
My husband, Colin, sees a physiotherapist. He started seeing her probably a little over 8 months ago. He had an issue with is IT band (he was a runner) and he could barely walk so he started seeing her. We've both been to physical therapists in the past (and he's seen women before).
From the very first time I met this woman I felt jealous. It was such a horrible feeling. I met her after their first session and I just wanted to scratch her eyes out. She's young, pretty, knowledgeable when it comes to the body and health (something my hubby is totally into) and she's easy to talk to, very friendly. I told him how I felt right away and he made me feel like a big idiot for feeling that way, and even made me feel a little guilty for making HIM feel bad for finding someone who could take his pain away.
So I shut up.
Then a few months after that - and many physio appointments (they're actually massages, but not the oils and candles type massages) later, she recommends he does this deep breathing technique thing and she says we can do it together. However, hubby decides to do it alone with her. Now, this really irked me and got me going again. I think it was more the fact that he had this supposedly euphoric and enlightening experience with HER instead of me that really got to me.
Now, fast forward to last night. Hubby has another massage appointment with Katie (physio chick) and he asks me to pick him up after he's done. His appointments are usually from 5:30-6:30 or 6:45 depending on if they start on time. So, I get to the physio place around 6:35 ... and nearly 45 minutes later (around 7:20 p.m.) Katie emerges, dressed in heels and a skirt, all dolled up with her hair done and a nice pink lack bra peaking out from beneath her shirt apologizing profusely because they "got to talking."
Now, I don't think he's having an affair. I really don't. But, I just wanted to punch her in the face when she came out. Then Colin came out, also apologizing for being late ... they were nearly 45 minutes longer than they were supposed to be!!!
I think what got to me the most was the fact that for those extra 45 minutes he didn't ONCE think of me and the fact that I was waiting for him. How is it that he was so engrossed in this chick that he could completely ignore the fact that I was waiting there all that time for him??
So, like an idiot, I let it fester last night. I was so f*cking pissed when we were driving home, I couldn't even look at him. But he wasn't aware as I am very good at hiding things. Instead, I wrote him an email this morning and he now wants to spend time tonight to discuss everything.
Am I being stupid for feeling this way?? Never in my life have I been jealous of ANY girl with him. And I know he wouldn't cheat ... I just feel ... off about this woman. I don't know why. It makes me so mad to feel this way and to be so bloody unstable about it.
Sorry so long ...
Posted 11 August 2009 - 01:48 PM
However- it was totally inappropriate to keep you waiting 45 minutes to "talk" to this chick, and WTF is up with her outfit? Very unprofessional. He needs to find another therapist. Good luck!
Posted 11 August 2009 - 01:53 PM
I do however think its REALLY important that you talk this out with Collin because he probably has no idea how you really feel and im sure that will make a difference. I know you said communication is more of an issue since you keep things bottled up but in this situation i really really think you need to be completely honest with him. I think its already great that he wants to discuss things tonight with you. Good luck!!!!!
Posted 11 August 2009 - 01:57 PM
Sometimes I think guys just get caught up in a pretty girl talking to them (who isn't their wife) and lose their sense of reasoning.
A new physiotherapist is definitely in order!
Good luck to you.
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:01 PM
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:19 PM
And I'm glad we're going to talk about things ... but at the same time it makes me panicky. I hate confrontation ... like loathe it ... and I always feel like things will go badly and I'll just say something that will set him off or make him really angry at me (which has never happened before).
I really do feel like a mental patient LOL thanks for making me see I'm not ladies.
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:23 PM
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:31 PM
Just make sure he understands how that made you feel and if you feel very anxious about the whole situation, maybe you should write some thoughts down so you say everything you want to say when you two talk tonight. That might help.
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:45 PM
I would be just as upset as you do, and I would feel panicky to talk to him about it too, and I am a cryer. But it's really important to stay calm when you talk to him and let him know that you were upset that he was inconsiderate of your time. I think you could ask him how HE would feel if you were going to a male doctor that was attractive and getting massages and then making him wait 45 minutes because you got to talking. Sometimes men have to think about things from the other perspective.
Remember to breathe when you're talking to him...sounds simple but when we're stressed and angry we don't always take regular breaths!
You can do this!!!!!
Posted 11 August 2009 - 02:46 PM
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