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Please give me your opinions...So mad!

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#11 drucky14

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    Posted 30 July 2009 - 09:31 AM

    I agree with Kristy. Let him know that it's your wedding and there were people you couldn't invite and if you were able to invite more, it'd be the people you left out in the first place. I also agree that it's rude for people to think they deserve to be somewhere they weren't invited in the first place.
    Your FI brother will get over it. I have three brothers myself and we don't stay mad at each other for very long.

    #12 *Nadine*

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      Posted 30 July 2009 - 10:13 AM

      I think I am on the opposite wave length as a lot of people. I dont see any problem wtih them going at all. I would love it if my SIL's or BIL's parents wanted to or came to our wedding. We are all in fact family one way or another. Then again, the whole vibe of our wedding has been the more the merrier.
      With that being said, I jus think you have to be really honest to your BIL and explain WHY you two are hesitant about them coming. Maybe they dont even realize FIs mom was upset. And even so, this time around its YOUR wedding and about YOU TWO. And you two obviously won't be ignoring FI's family. And it sounds like thats the only thing that was a gliche at BIL's wedding was them being concerned about only themselves and enjoying their time together as a family. Its not like there were drunk riots or arguements. You know? At the end of the day you are all family and if this would end up causing some resentment b/w you guys and BIL&SIL then i would think twice about not letting SIL's parents come. ESP if they end up resenting you WHILE at your wedding, thats not going to bring good vibes at all either.

      #13 koolatta

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      • 321 posts

        Posted 30 July 2009 - 10:48 AM

        I would definitly say noand tell them the invites have been sent, the RSVPS are in and all is set in stone at this point. If they get mad just tell them that you are not the rude one, they are rude for expecting you to invite someone you are not close with. This is not just a time for fun in the sun, its a wedding - your wedding and it should be about spending it with people close to YOU.

        21 + Bride & Groom Booked!!

        #14 NaM

        • Sr. Member
        • 2,256 posts

          Posted 30 July 2009 - 12:08 PM

          It sounds like you've already made up your mind that you would rather not have them there and I think that is completely fair. I think you should be rationale and explain your reasons
          -it's a very small intimate wedding and you don't know them that well
          -you've already invited all the people you wanted and made arrangements for them
          -and be honest about how everyone felt in Jamica

          I agree with everyone that it's terribly rude they even asked. Strike that-they didn't even ask, they had someone else ask for them. That should prove they aren't that close and don't need to be at the wedding in the first place.
          Sorry the your BIL put you in such an uncomfortable situation, that's very unfair and I hope everything works out!

          #15 tdmitchell

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            Posted 30 July 2009 - 02:02 PM

            I would say NO! You don't even know them like that and I think it was innapropriate to try an impose on your wedding! Sorry, I don't have any advise on how to tell them because I don't know how to tell people no either!

            #16 Princess402

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              Posted 30 July 2009 - 06:29 PM

              Well that's a sucky situation!

              I personally don't think you should invite your sister in law's parents. First off, it's totally inappropriate that they would ask to be invited and that your brother would ask you! Second, while these people may now be close to your brother, they are not close to you are they? This is your wedding! Your brother and sister in law already had theirs! Third, I think you are right in thinking that if her parents do come that their may be the potential for some conflict. And this wedding should be a bonding experience for YOUR family!

              I would say to just be honest with him, that you're feeling a little weird about being pressured to invite them, and that you're concerned there may be a repeat of the hurt feelings from the last wedding. Perhaps it would be a good idea to remind your brother that he had the opportunity for his wedding and to have who he wanted there, and now it's your turn.

              Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

              #17 azulskies

              • Sr. Member
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                Posted 30 July 2009 - 06:53 PM

                I agree with most of the posts. If they didn't receive an invitation, I can't believe they actually asked to tag along (well actually, got your FBIL to ask). I don't know what kind of relationship your FI has with his brother but he just has to be honest with him and talk to him about what you told us. I would hope that he would understand and look at the situation logically. Good luck!


                #18 AJandNate2010

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                • 58 posts

                  Posted 30 July 2009 - 06:54 PM

                  I know this has already been stated but I agree that you should not just invite them because your future brother in law asked. Tell them that you are at your limit and are charged extra for every extra person. I've had a few people try to invite themselves to our wedding I've just tell them we cannot have any extra people and it costs an extra $100 per person.

                  Final guest count... 63 adults and 10 kids!!

                  #19 Tilly in the Sun

                  Tilly in the Sun
                  • Jr. Member
                  • 450 posts

                    Posted 30 July 2009 - 06:57 PM

                    I am gonna play devils advocate and suggest that maybe it would help bring your family closer and help them get to know you and your family better if they went? Do you think if you (or your hubby) talked to your BIL and told him how you and the family felt during the last trip that maybe we would wake up and smarten up for your wedding? I dunno - for us it's the more the merrier. But on the flip side, if there was someone wanting to go (and who wasn't actually invited) that we knew would just cause problems for us or any of our INVITED guests, than I would 100% not want them to go.
                    Sorry to hear you're going through some stressful family stuff...it always sucks! Good luck and I am sure everything will work out for you.
                    On a better note - we're date twins!! Glad to have found you!

                    #20 jessiee223

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                    • 128 posts

                      Posted 30 July 2009 - 07:17 PM

                      I think it is totally fine to invite the people that you want at the wedding. I had a close friend ask me to invite someone I never talk to. I was not quite sure how to react, but I don't want to change the guest list for others. Go with your heart and its completely ok to try and avoid the drama if you feel this is the best way to go.
                      Jessie and Jeff - Mexico 2010

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