Sit down with your FI. Determine what's important to you- first and foremost. Go through possible scenarios and figure out if a DW is REALLY that important to you. Determine if certain people MUST be present and if so, what flexibility can you offer to ensure they are there.
Once you have this figured out, plan your wedding as desired. I would not ask for recommendations/opinions. As you have found out- everyone has one!! Those that want to be there will figure out a way to make it work- especially if you have put extra thought into circumstances that may prevent them from going. Those that don't want to go will find an excuse no matter what.
For some, it was a deal breaker if their family couldn't attend the DW. For others, they have discovered that, while it hurts, they still really wanted to have the wedding of their dreams. You just have to figure out what works for you.
Good luck. It's a tough process, but YES, it's worth it.