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FMIL frustration

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#11 alkoch

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    Posted 23 July 2009 - 04:37 PM

    I have a similar situation, and I only expect things to get worse. I'm sure everyone tells you to let it not bother you - but I'm sure just like me you can't help it. I just keep trying to "kill" my FMIL with kindness, but after she lied to us to try to have the wedding postponed (she used to love me just like your FMIL). I think she is just not used to the idea that her "baby" is getting married - I used to think this was just a saying but my FMIL literally told me that i was STEALING her son! I was like I never proposed- why are you mad at me? Sorry for the mini rant but I totally feel your pain. If I figure out a way to handle I will let you know - and if you figure it out - let me know please I will owe you one!

    For now just go out with some friends have some fun and forget about all the stress!!

    #12 PKBride

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    • 17 posts

      Posted 27 July 2009 - 07:27 PM

      Wow good luck on this one! If it helps at all just know that you've made some of us who have FMIL issues realize that it could be much worse. I hope we don't get to the point that you are at and wish you a very "peaceful" and beautiful wedding!

      #13 NaM

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      • 2,256 posts

        Posted 28 July 2009 - 11:41 AM

        I know it's immature but after that email I haven't even talked to her. Not that I'm avoiding her, I just haven't felt the urge to pick up the phone and call to chat.
        I'm trying to step back and realize she is also going through change...retirement, her youngest child getting married, getting a daughter in law and meeting my whole family...I just wish she would step back and realize that things are changing for us too and that her way isn't necessarily right. Her and I come from VERY VERY different backgrounds-I was born in Poland grew up in Germany moved several times due to my dad working for the government and plan on spending the rest of my life traveling. And she on the other hand has never moved from small town NC and the only time she has left the country was to come visit us in Canada and the next time will be our wedding. So I realize in some areas we will just NEVER see eye to eye.
        I think my FI should definitely grow a little back bone and talk to her about some of their issues ESPECIALLY those with his older brother. I know that is the cause of a lot of sorrow for him and in the short run it may make things awkward but I'm a firm believer of putting things on the table and dealing with them. I understand him not wanting to "ruffle any feathers" or upsetting his parents but at the same time I don't believe they should be upsetting us either...we are all adults and I just think this can be better handled than what the situation has become.
        I'm so grateful to have a place to talk about this. Thanks for the words of encouragment and support...it's really helped a lot to know I'm not alone!

        #14 big3n09

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        • 616 posts

          Posted 28 July 2009 - 12:05 PM

          Sorry you are having issues with FMIL. I agree with Alkoch, she may be going through realizing that shortly her son is going to be married and another woman will come before her. Me and my sister are very close but she has been distant with me lately and I think it's the reality that things are going to change some what between us. Most of the time people are reluctant to change and fearful because they don't know what to expect. I would just give her some space and time to let her deal with it and see if that helps. Good job on knowing when to choose your battles. Good Luck!!!
          4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

          #15 Love3

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          • 785 posts

            Posted 28 July 2009 - 12:31 PM

            good advice from others, but I am going through crap with my unwanted future in laws LOL. My advice is to tell them/her to F OFF! May sound rude or "unclassy" but enough is enough and really this should be one of the happiest times wedding planning that is. Needless to say his "family" is not welcome near us! Simple as that.

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