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brandynd

Help! I think I hate my mother in law...

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Dr. Phil had a couple on last year that was going through a very similar thing and he made it very clear that it was the husband needed to get a back bone and stand up to his own mother to set some very clear lines for her that should not be crossed! This isn't a fight that you should have to fight alone.

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Yay!!!!!!! Good on ya! I wish you'd taken a picture of her shock when you told her that! Probably looked like a fish with her mouth opening and closing and nothing coming out. And even if she didn't, that's what I'm imagining!

 

Congrats!

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wow you totally rocked it!! You were respectful, firm, confident, held it together, and a total rock star!! You will be my new assertiveness hero! haha! :) I'm sure she'll have an adjustment period after she has been so mean and rude to you for so long. You go girl!

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Whoo!! Now, for your reading pleasure I am going to update you with the latest installment of what Iâ€m choosing to call “The Chronicles of my FMIL from Hellâ€â€¦..has a nice ring to it, doesnâ€t it?

We are t-44 days until our wedding, and “momma†just canâ€t seem to stop her bad behavior. Although she now knows that I will not tolerate her neurotic antics, she just canâ€t seem to stop herself. I think I posted earlier about her running her mouth about my parents, calling my mom “that white trash whore,†which was lovely. I figured after not so nicely telling her what I thought about that little tantrum that sheâ€d give up. No such luck.

Sheâ€s started complaining because my mom has gotten her dress for the wedding , which is a dark hunter green, to compliment the lighter green shades of the wedding party, and I didnâ€t call to invite her to come along and fitted for her dress as well. She is also mad because I will NOT be allowing her to wear the white dress that she wants to the wedding. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! First she wanted to wear black, and now itâ€s white. And not even an off-white, cream, or ivory….Iâ€m talking SNOW WHITE.

Sheâ€s also throwing a fit, because FIâ€s fathers long time girlfriend will be attending our wedding, and FI will be seating her up front in the seat where is father would have been if he were still with us. She came over to our house and started screaming and crying, saying that Jean (FIâ€s fathers partner) is not his mother, and that if he has her up front at our wedding then she will not be in attendance. I understand that she doesnâ€t think Jean is Andyâ€s mother, and thatâ€s not what heâ€s saying by seating her up front. She was seated with the rest of the parents at both of FIâ€s sisters weddings, and it is important to him that she be there for his as well, as a way to honor FIâ€s dad. FIâ€s father would have wanted her to be up front, witnessing the marriage of the man she treated like her own son for the last 6 years.

It hasnâ€t stopped there either. Sheâ€s tried to commandeer the planning of both my wedding shower and bachelorette party. She called my MOH and told her that she would not be hosting the shower at the art gallery she had booked, because she wanted to have it at the club house in her neighborhood. She also had the nerve to try and call my hair stylist to move my hair trial to another day because “it really isnâ€t convenient for the day she wants the shower.â€

She hates my centerpieces, my wedding decorations, even the times we have set for our wedding and reception. Sheâ€s already successfully derailed my destination wedding, and now she wants to ruin my domestic one as well. Holy hooters, I donâ€t think Iâ€ve ever met someone as absolutely bat sh*t crazy as this woman.

Idk, Iâ€m so past worrying about the little stuff with this woman. Iâ€ve come to realize that no matter how valid my argument might be, I will NEVER be in the right. It really isnâ€t even worth the effort to try and convince her otherwise, because sheâ€ll just break down into tears and try to manipulate the situation.

The best I can hope for right now is that by some miracle my MOH can talk this woman into wearing a long dress to the wedding. Itâ€s a black tie affair in the middle of February in freaking NEBRASKA (which is currently under 4 feet of snow I might add), and she thinks sheâ€s going to wear a short cocktail dress to the ceremony. Blah. Iâ€m not going to fight her on it. Sheâ€s the one who will be freezing to death. That and I sincerely hope that she decides not to come with myself and my BMâ€s to get our hair done the day of the wedding (she doesnâ€t even want to get hers done there, she just wants to come “hang out and have girl timeâ€â€¦aka nag me about absolutely EVERYTHING that I am doing wrong that morning) god knows Iâ€ll have enough to worry about without having to handle her emotional crises about losing her baby.

Anyways, this has been fun. The point of my update isnâ€t so much to make you feel bad for my situation (believe me, Iâ€ve fully come to terms with my monster in law), but to make you feel SO MUCH BETTER about your own. And I bet you do, donâ€t you? Come on, her unannounced little visits and personality quirks really arenâ€t all that bad in the grand scheme of things, are they?

Happy New Year ladies, I hope you all had a wonderful time last night! And for those of you who are also getting ready for your big day, congratulations and good luck!!

*Brandy**

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I just caught up on this thread - because I thought I would have something comparable to add to it. However, I am shocked and so upset for you that you MIL is acting this way. It is unacceptable, and does not sound like it will be going anywhere.

I felt so proud of you after your post where you stood up to her -- did you go to the travel agent and book her a standard room? That is beyond unbeliveable that she would even THINK it was okay.

 

I can relate to the passive FI, my MIL has her quirks and after 3 years still does not acknowledge me in a room. She was also trying to change our Destination Wedding plans, telling everyone to use a different site than our TA because it was 20 dollars cheaper. UNBELIEVABLE. Further, she is not contributing at all. My FI managed to control that before she switched everyone away from our TA. She is just a not very nice person, and seeing that my FI doesn't feel comfortable around her either has (unfortunatey) made things a little easier.

 

All I hope is that your day yesterday went off without a hitch! I hope you will update and say how everthing went...and whether or not your MIL laid low (in her hopefully non-white dress).

 

Congrats to you and your FI, you are the only ones who matter now! :)

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Oh wow, I need to update my info! I didn't get married on Wednesday sad.gif. Unfortunately, we had to cancel our DW, and are getting married in good old Omaha on February 13th. So I have one more month left to get things together and to try and get FI's mom to mellow. I'm not too worried about it though, eventually she's going to have to get used to the idea of me, because I'm not going anywhere. Just can't take it personally, because it's not. She just doesn't want any woman to come between her and her son, so whatev. She'll deal.

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wow that is awesome. hahaha.. i am sooo proud of you. it's something i would never have the nerve to do myself, but just play over and over in my mind. glad you took your wedding back into your own hands and put her exactly where she belongs! (well, not really. she deserves to be next to pond scum, but you were graceful enough to still give her a comfy room).

 

it's kind of funny how... she'll bully you incessantly... then the second you stand up for yourself, she turns all mousey. it's kind of horrible how she would bully you just b/c you would take it, as opposed to appreciating how good and tolerant you are of her.

 

I'm happy for you!

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oh crap. i thought pg. 3 was the last page... didn't see the update on pg. 4 >< looks like things didn't go so well. gonna read it now...

 

hahahahhahahaha hooooooly crap. is this woman for realhuh.gif it's like something out of some comedy b/c you would hope that no one in their right mind would act like that. wow.......... your FI must be really patient b/c I have no idea how he stands her... I would be so pissed off...............................................

 

Yeah, it sucks, but as you say, it is what it is. Nothing you can do about it so might as well just treat it like a comedy side show and enjoy your day with the people you love. :)

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