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My first baby question

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#21 aimee!

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    Posted 17 July 2009 - 11:36 PM

    ugh! this makes me want to smack the next person to say something like this to me, lol!! you ladies are right... waaaaay too personal. and what if you were TTC?

    dumb people.
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    #22 Sloan

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      Posted 18 July 2009 - 12:02 PM

      Originally Posted by Kristy!
      You guys will appreciate this...

      Yesterday I got my first "So when are we going to see babies?" question from a random co-worker. I answered that we don't have any plans for kids, which was met with a face of horror. #1) Do NOT ask newlyweds (or really anyone) this question, most of them don't like it. #2) Why do people look at your like you're an awful person if you don't want to have kids? Grrrrrrrrrr...
      Yeah. Im kinda tired of this question as well. Im REALLY tired of hearing it from my MIL. My Mom has never once asked. My MIL asks everytime she sees us now. We told her last time, we werent sure if we even wanted kids. That didnt go over well. Why is it a crime against humanity if we dont have kids?

      #23 azulskies

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        Posted 19 July 2009 - 09:05 PM

        I still can't believe sometimes how personal coworkers can try to get! And what is the big deal if having children is something you and your husband do not want to do It's so frustrating! If people want to have children, that's their thing, but you're not just here to be a baby-maker.

        We were in a relationship for about 6 years before we got engaged and when it happened, people were more like "it's about time" as opposed to "congratulations!" lol. Now, we're not even married and people are already asking when we're having children..


        #24 meghan

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          Posted 22 July 2009 - 08:29 PM

          Kristy, I read a book by Emily Giffin called Baby Proof, and it is about a girl who never wants kids and it talks about how she is always asked by friends and family when she is gonna have kids, why she doesnt want them etc....She says the exact same thing that you do about people making it difficult for you to even be honest about not wanting kids. Its a really funny book...you might like it cuz u might be able to relate!

          #25 Inked1

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            Posted 22 July 2009 - 09:57 PM

            My favorite comment follow up to not wanting kids is the "Oh you will change your minds, trust me!"

            Oh really? I will? Good to know you have made my life plan for me because apparently the one I set out wasn't good enough. Nothing makes me angrier than people telling me what I think or feel.

            #26 MissM

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              Posted 28 July 2009 - 10:34 AM

              Oh I agree that it's no one's business but your own. Why is it that people equate success in life as being married and having children? And if you don't have those things your life is worth less than someone who does? Before I met my FI and was single I always got such pity comments or looks " Oh you don't have a boyfriend? Oh don't worry it will happen one day..." Now that I'm getting married, me and my FI have no plans for children and the same thing happens- when someone asks and we say we don't want kids my fiance gets looks of pity ( like I am depriving him of his right to children) and I get lectures- about how I will regret it one day, do I want to die alone, do I think I can lead a party lifestyle forever cuz one day all my friends will have kids and then what am I gonna do? blah blag blah.......Or I'm told I don't understand anything cuz I don't have kids... HELLOOOO!!!? I'm a teacher!!! I spend 7 hrs a day with kids-prob more than some parents spend with their own kids and I have to play mommy to them all day!
              My FI and I talked about it. I don't want kids and he said he is happy without them but wouldn't mind a child, but as long as he is with me he is happy (god bless him). Sometimes I do feel bad and guilty and think I am depriving him because he would make a great dad and I just sit and cry about it.... but in the end I know he wouldn't be marrying me if he didn't love me and want to be with me, kids or no kids.
              I just wish people would mind their own business.....

              #27 montegobay09

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                Posted 28 July 2009 - 11:12 AM

                I tried to multi-quote the last two posts but for some reason my computer is messing up.

                I totally agree that the absolute worst is someone dictating to you how they think you should live your life and they think they know better than you.

                I've been living the nightmare of being stuck in a small town where the only women my age at hang out with all have babies. I HATE that they think I'm deprived because I don't have children. Apparently I don't have an opinion on many things because I don't have children, and I also don't have any skills to deal with children because I'm not a mother. I too am a teacher and have been around children for years. I worked in a day care with a group of two year olds and now I'm an elementary school teacher...who says I can't take care of kids just as well as a mother would...it pisses me off when I have to deal with their ignorance.

                Having children is such a personal decision and people should really mind their own buisness no matter who they are. No one needs to know the details about why you don't have children yet, all they need to know is that you don't!

                #28 Sapphire723

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                  Posted 28 July 2009 - 04:45 PM

                  I'm not against people asking me if we're planning on having kids. But it is RIDICULOUS to show disapproval for someone's choice to not have kids. Feel free to use my response: "Oh? You think I should start shooting babies out like grapes, do you? Well, I am SOOO relieved to know that you are planning on buying the diapers and waking up in the middle of the night to feed it. And you've already started a college fund?! How WONDERFUL!"

                  Or if they call you selfish or tell you that you're going to die alone, you can give them a "Well, I've always felt sorry for those people who can't find fulfillment in their own life so they feel like they need to procreate in order to find happiness. Especially those people who end up having to be subsidized by the government because they gave into the nagging outsiders who pressured them to have kids before they were ready."

                  #29 CrystalM

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                    Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:12 PM

                    Originally Posted by Sapphire723
                    "Oh? You think I should start shooting babies out like grapes, do you? Well, I am SOOO relieved to know that you are planning on buying the diapers and waking up in the middle of the night to feed it. And you've already started a college fund?! How WONDERFUL!"
                    That is awesome.

                    I worked at a daycare - and am childless - and every one for some reason assumes because you work at a childcare facility, that you have kids. I was asked often if I had any. I said "Yep. I have 12 of them for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week...and then they go home to their parents at night".
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                    #30 Mrs. Martin

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                      Posted 28 July 2009 - 05:48 PM

                      I totally get all of you. I think it's soooo rude for 1) to be bombarded with that question and 2) everyone feeling that they can give you their opinion on when/if you should have kids. Both my DH and I come from very traditional Mexican families where everyone starts having kids at 18-20 years old. So when I finally got engaged, that was the first question out of everyone's mouth- When are you having kids?! Even though DH and I knew we wanted to have kids right away, I didn't care to explain to everyone our plans because it' s our business only. Well, now that I'm pregnant, I haven't even given birth to this baby yet and I'm already being asked "when are you having your second?!" Can you believe this?! It will never end....

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