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jennie

Feet are chillin and getting colder

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Just an update ladies:

BTW THANK YOU!!!

I'm so grateful for all of the advice and sharing from you all. I'm taking alittle time for myself this weekend and tomarrow a girlfriend and I are just going to hang out at the beach for the day to destress myself.

I had a very long talk with Jessie yesterday about it all....again. But I just asked for an "I understand you ARE having to go through alot" kinda feeback from him. I guess in all yes, i know he's always been aware of it but not really truely actually understood how it really was affecting me alot. I also don't think he realized how much pressure it really is. I ended up not just saying what was happening, but how it makes me feel about myself and about our relationship. I just broke down and started crying and telling him.

Everything is turning around now.

Thank you all :)

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I agree with all of the other girls in that it's natural to question things with that much drama going on. He would not have asked you to marry him if he wanted to be with other girls so I would not worry about that. I would also be jealous and pissed that all of his exs are still so much in his life. Would he ever consider moving away from the small town and all of the drama that comes with it?

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Have you guys tried counseling, that could help. Everyone has a past and if that is what it is let it be the past. You have received some very good avice and the ultimate decision is up to you. Try asking yourself if you can live with him the way he is today and the way things are if nothing were to change, maybe that can give you some direction. As another post said we as women always expect/want men to change and they rarley do and marriage does not always make things better either. You have a week or so to think some more about it and if for some reason you can't go through with it then it's better before than after "I do", good luck with whatever YOU decide because it's your decision regardless what others think or say.

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First, take a really deep breath!

 

If you really did not think he was the one, you would've never made this commitment. So, don't second guess yourself darlin'. It's all gonna fall back into place.

 

A keeper: Never gives in easily; n the standards/requirements start the moment u open your mouth. See, she understands her power and wields it like a samurai sword. She commands-not demands-respect, just by the way she carries herself. Steve Harvey.

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I hope your day at the beach went well and that you found some answers within yourself. Listen to your gut... often times we ignore our instincts, and those instincts are usually correct. I wish you all the best in whatever you decide! :)

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Originally Posted by Future Mrs. Kt Ellis View Post
Everyone said it so well that I don't have too much more to add. But I wanted to ask, have you considered premarital counseling? You don't have to do it through a church if you aren't religious, there are psychology practices that do it. I was engaged before a couple years ago and going to a premarital class really brought out things that we each were feeling and issues we couldn't get past that just made it clear we didn't work. I'm not saying that will happen to you but if you feel like you try to talk about some of this stuff and his eyes glaze over, it might help to have someone else there facilitating the conversation. You don't have to wait until there is a relationship altering or ending issue to get counseling.
This is my suggestion too. While it's important to forgive your partner for their past and accept that it is possible for the future to be different, you are having these thoughts for a reason. Just loving someone isn't always enough to overcome every challenge BUT if you both go into this knowing there will be issues, using tools to overcome and work together you can make it.

An impartial third person (counselor) is a safe way for you to air your concerns and listen to his side as well. The counselor can help give you tools to work through some of the tough situations that will come up and maybe help you find different ways of working together.

Good luck girl, you always have people here to listen and be on your side!

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I hope you are able to work out these emotions with your fiance and that you two can move forward. It's like they say; marriage is not like getting a box of goodies...it is more like an empty box that you spend your whole life filling with goodies.

 

Everyone has given really good advice. I would second the counselling and, if you two decide to stay together, perhaps changing towns, if you are able. It is tough to be around negative stuff all the time and constantly having your relationship challenged by other people. Good lucksmile03.gif

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I hope your day at the beach helped you unwine. I know it is not easy. I'm going through a little drama myself. Nothing as severe as yours but I will explain in a bit. Relationships and marriage is a process you have to know how to work through things and stay together because you are soulmates. Though this situation may seem unfortunate cause of it's timing it was meant to happen. The way you guys work this out you will know from then if you will be able to work out other life problems that will occur once you get married. And depending on how everything turns out this situation may bring you guys closer to each other or further away. No matter what, what you are going through now will mold your marriage. I pray everythings works out for you and I wish you all the best.

 

Now my delimma is my fiance lost his job and we were short on money for the wedding. So I begain to cut some things out like the releaseing of the doves at the end of the ceremony and a couple of other extras so we can cover the wedding part of it. Now My FI is feeling like less of a man because he is not making what he was us to bringing home unemployment is a little check and he feels like he is not doing his job of taking care of his family and no matter how much I talk to him he feels he has to make this right. So he decides to take our wedding money to Las Vegas to try to double it. The end result is he lost all of our wedding money now we are three weeks away from our wedding and we do not have the money to pay for it. Everyday he is crying saying he want's to kill him self how could he be so stupid and he is sorry he messed up my dream wedding. I am very hurt stressed and clueless as to what i'm going to do to get this money in three weeks time but I am not as mad as most brides would be. As unfortunate as this situation is we will get through it and we will get married in Jamaica. The lesson I learned from this situation is he would do anything for our family no matter what. But ass long as he don't ever take another risk like this one we will be fine. He does not even gamble so I'm confused as to why he thought he would even be able to double the money. The next reason why I was mad at myself cause he told me he was going to vegas to celebrate his friends birthday which did take place but he did not tell me he took the money and what he was going to do with it so I feel like I should have told him he could'nt go to vegas and then none of this would have happened but it's situations like this that makes you as a couple stronger when your able to work it out.

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JanJan84, are you serious? He really did that? The wedding would not be happening if that happened to me. Losing his job and feeling like "less of a man" is understandable, most of us have been in some sort of situation like that before, and I get that he felt like he could not provide for you the way he wanted to. But to take the money you DO have and go do something as ridiculous as that when he goes up there for a friend's birthdayhuh.gif That's not trying to provide, that is taking things above and beyond feeling a little inadequate and just being completely careless about it. I don't mean to sound harsh with all this but seriously, that should be a HUGE red flag to you. Maybe you should not be asking yourself how you're going to come up with the money needed for the wedding, but what is really going on with your guy.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JanJan84 View Post
Now my delimma is my fiance lost his job and we were short on money for the wedding. So I begain to cut some things out like the releaseing of the doves at the end of the ceremony and a couple of other extras so we can cover the wedding part of it. Now My FI is feeling like less of a man because he is not making what he was us to bringing home unemployment is a little check and he feels like he is not doing his job of taking care of his family and no matter how much I talk to him he feels he has to make this right. So he decides to take our wedding money to Las Vegas to try to double it. The end result is he lost all of our wedding money now we are three weeks away from our wedding and we do not have the money to pay for it. Everyday he is crying saying he want's to kill him self how could he be so stupid and he is sorry he messed up my dream wedding. I am very hurt stressed and clueless as to what i'm going to do to get this money in three weeks time but I am not as mad as most brides would be. As unfortunate as this situation is we will get through it and we will get married in Jamaica. The lesson I learned from this situation is he would do anything for our family no matter what. But ass long as he don't ever take another risk like this one we will be fine. He does not even gamble so I'm confused as to why he thought he would even be able to double the money. The next reason why I was mad at myself cause he told me he was going to vegas to celebrate his friends birthday which did take place but he did not tell me he took the money and what he was going to do with it so I feel like I should have told him he could'nt go to vegas and then none of this would have happened but it's situations like this that makes you as a couple stronger when your able to work it out.
Wow...

JanJan, I think you are really missing the mark on the lessons to be learned here. It is nice that you can see the good in your FH but what he did was reckless and, if I can be honest, really disrespects you as an equal partner who is supposed to have equal say in the relationship. This guy took matters into his own hands without even talking to you about it. And now that he has made things worse he is making suicidal comments?? I think he needs some serious counselling on coping strategies with his feelings of inadequacy, and you, at the risk of being pointed, need to open your eyes; believing that you are partially to blame for not refusing him to go to Vegas makes absolutely no sense; he was not honest with you about money which is the number one reason for divorce. If this doesn't get addressed you may find you will have even worse problems than coming up with money for a wedding.

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