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Shower Etiquette Question! Please help!


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#1 VinceBride2B

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    Posted 14 July 2009 - 10:31 PM

    Ok, our shower is this weekend, and one of my friends just called me and asked if it was okay if she brings her children, ages 2 months and 2 years, to the shower. There are no kids invited to the shower, except my nieces who are my flower girls. I am very low maintainence, I seriously try not to turn into a bridezilla, but I'm kind of upset about this. I know that her husband doesn't work on Sundays and could stay with the kids, and after being a BM in her wedding, I know that she would've killed anyone who dared to ask to bring their kids to her shower. I feel like I'm in an awkward situation, do I tell her that its an adult only shower, when I know she will take it as a personal attack on her children?? Help! I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want any other kids there besides my nieces!
    And please be honest, if I'm sounding like a selfish baby, I want to know!!

    #2 foxytv

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      Posted 14 July 2009 - 10:53 PM

      You have every right to tell her its adults only. Showers usually are. Just tell her how sorry you are , but that it wasn't planned that way. Who is throwing your shower anyway - your BM's? Why don't you have the hostesses handle telling her 'no kids allowed'. That would keep you out ofit and off the hook. :-)

      #3 DGG

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        Posted 14 July 2009 - 10:55 PM

        All of the showers that I have been to have been without children - and children would have been pretty out of place. How old are your neices? If they are older, you can use that excuse. A 2 month old and 2 year old can be quite a handful.. and if your shower is not an appropriate place for children that age, you should talk to your friend.. I think you should tell her you wanted to keep it to more of an adults activity and ask if it is possible for her husband to watch the children that day. Also, if she did bring her children wouldn't your other friends/family who left there's at home get annoyed that their kids weren't invited??

        #4 jawedding

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          Posted 14 July 2009 - 11:05 PM

          you are SO in the right to tell her! (not that that makes it any easier!). I agree with the other people who posted.. just say in a really nice way - 'i love your children, but it is a no kids shower/we have already told other people no kids'.. she should understand.. she shouldn't have even asked.. and if she doesn't understand or doesn't come, that's on her.. you haven't done anything wrong and you most definitely do NOT sound like a bridezilla!
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          #5 VinceBride2B

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            Posted 14 July 2009 - 11:06 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by foxytv
            You have every right to tell her its adults only. Showers usually are. Just tell her how sorry you are , but that it wasn't planned that way. Who is throwing your shower anyway - your BM's? Why don't you have the hostesses handle telling her 'no kids allowed'. That would keep you out ofit and off the hook. :-)

            My MOH, my sister planned the shower along with my mom. My sister was ready to call my friend and explain to her that it wasn't planned as an event with kids, but I don't want to hurt my friends feelings if my sister were to call and not me. It is a good idea, and I'm not sure why she called to ask me and not the hostesses anyway!! I think I'm always too afraid to hurt peoples feelings!

            #6 foxytv

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              Posted 14 July 2009 - 11:09 PM

              Then I would just tell her that you don't know since you didn't plan it. Just play dumb like you have no idea what is going on and then you've done your part and your MOH can take it from there. She can call your friend and say you had asked her about bringing the kids so she wanted to let you know ("without ruining any of the shower secrets by telling the bride") that its an adults only shower...

              #7 VinceBride2B

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                Posted 14 July 2009 - 11:28 PM

                Thanks for the advice ladies! It really helps to hear other brides, and people who don't know me, tell me that I'm on the right track with my thoughts on this! I don't want to be selfish, but I did feel like I wish she wouldn't have asked! I think I'm going to combine your advice and tell her that I don't have any part in the shower planning and that she has to talk to my MOH, who has no problem telling her not to bring them... Yay for MOH's who aren't afraid to speak up!

                #8 foxytv

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                  Posted 14 July 2009 - 11:32 PM

                  Yay that your MOH will step up for you. You shouldn't have to be involved anyway, since you don't plan your own shower, lol! Let us know how it goes!

                  #9 ~Nicole~

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                    Posted 15 July 2009 - 09:47 AM

                    I agree that bridal showers are more appropriate as adult only BUT do you know for a fact that the husband can watch the kids? The reason I'm asking is that it would be horrible if she honestly couldn't get a sitter and you would prefer that she "not come" rather than bring the kids KWIM? That would hurt my feelings and I think a friend should be sensitive to that. Just something to think about.....

                    If she can get a sitter than I recommend what the other girls were saying - get the MOH to tell her. This way you aren't in the middle. Good luck!
                    *Formerly Nikki07*
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