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Oldest Friend Won't Come - Need to Vent


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#1 jenniebey

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    Posted 08 July 2009 - 09:36 AM

    Ugh. I just got a call last night from my oldest friend saying that she can't make it to the wedding. She says it's because her Mom can't watch her little girl who is about a year, but I feel like that's just an excuse. The last couple times I've tried to get together, she's flaked. So honestly, it's wasn't a total shock.

    I'm just really sad because I've known her forever and always thought she'd be at my wedding. When I told her it would be a DW, she said cool, just tell her when and where.

    I guess mostly I feel like she doesn't want to be inconvenienced at this point. She's been married for 5 years and most of her college friends are married as well. It just breaks my heart because I want her there. And also a little frustrated b/c when she got married 5 years ago, I came to everything she invited me to around her wedding. I didn't have to travel far, only about a 4 hour drive, but I did have to take off work and also attended about 4 other wedding events for her throughout the year!

    I still have tons of good friends coming and I should focus on that, but this is the first cancellation I've gotten from someone I thought for sure would be there!

    I guess it's true what they say that the people who you thought for sure won't come and then other people will surprise you and show up!

    #2 Jessica

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      Posted 08 July 2009 - 09:56 AM

      I'm sorry your friend isn't able to come. As a mother, I can certainly understand her "excuse" but if you feel that she's just overall being a flake on your friendship in general lately, I can empathize with why you are hurt. Have you talked to her about how hurt and frustrated you are? If not, that might be a good place to start, doesn't mean that will make her change her mind, but at least you will put your feelings out there and be able to move on.

      #3 itsfinallyhere

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        Posted 08 July 2009 - 10:37 AM

        Hi there, I can totally empathise with you. My oldest and dearst friend is not going to come either. Although yours has a better excuse, mine won't go because she is not getting married first! She actually told me that she cannot go because she promised herself that the next trip would be for her wedding and she therefore cannot go to mine because she will not be married by then! Yup totally sicks, but what are you going to do. Life sometimes changes things without you even knowing. We always talked about each others wedding and what our roles would be. Needless to say something changed at some point. When, where, what? I do not know, but it sounds like something like this is happening now. I know it is hard to get past the hurt and will come back to nip a little ever now an then, but it is important that you focus on who is going and how much yu must mean to them. These people are the ones that matter now. She is the one that will totally be missing out on an incredible occasion. And she will kick herself for it, but that is her mistake. I know I never would have done what was doen to me. I would have been esctatic to be apart of her wedding, and when it or if it ever happens for her I will be there. Your memomeries will be amazing regardless of her presence. Sad I know but, cheer up you do know have to go alone, and I am sure you FI will be supportive in this. I know my was (although I don't he will be as welcoming to her next time we see her, but what are you going to do?) Good Luck, I hope she changes her mind and does come. It is hard and upsetting when the people who you love the most disappoinment.

        #4 NYCBridetoBe1909

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          Posted 08 July 2009 - 11:07 AM

          I know what you're going through, my maid og honor backed out because of inconvenience, I was really upset about it for a day, and then figured I could either continue to pout about it or "reinvision" my wedding, since I'd always pictured her there. I'm at the point now where I would prefer her not to come because I know I would be stressing out about her not wanting to be there the whole time.

          So, I'm in the process of reinvisioning. Until I was getting married myself, I never realized why weddings strengtened/ended so many friendships. I get it now, people tend to show their true colors during the stressful time.

          My thoughts are with you and I hope she changes her mind, but if she doesn't, I have no doubt it will be gorgeous and perfect and everything you hoped it would be.


          Um, and as for the bitter spinster, itsfinallyhere....WOW. If the truth were that ridiculous, you would think she would be able to make up an excuse better than that? It would take all my willpower not to rub my relationship happiness in this friends face.....then again, I'm probably not the model of forgiveness either :)

          #5 montegobay09

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            Posted 08 July 2009 - 11:14 AM

            I'm so sorry this is happening to you and you're totally justified with dwelling on this just for a little bit to get it out of your system. I had the same feeling when one of my BM's backed out and I actually shed a few little tears in front of her which I didn't want to do but take the time to be sad about it for a day or two (a week at the longest!) because it just shows that you're a caring person and that you have a big heart. Then you'll move on to the thinking that you know will come. You'll be so happy with all the people that are actually coming that you will barely notice that she's not there!! When I think back to it I'm still disappointed that she couldn't be there but it's really her loss in the end cause we had an amazing trip and I got to become very close with the people who put our wedding at the top of their priority list. It's not a great feeling now but like you said, you'll have a blast anyway.

            good luck and hopefully you don't have any more cancellations!

            #6 jenniebey

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              Posted 08 July 2009 - 11:18 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by itsfinallyhere
              Although yours has a better excuse, mine won't go because she is not getting married first! She actually told me that she cannot go because she promised herself that the next trip would be for her wedding and she therefore cannot go to mine because she will not be married by then! Yup totally sicks, but what are you going to do.
              That's crazy! I can't believe she would even tell you that. I guess at that point there's not much you can do with someone who can't see past themselves. Sorry to hear about that!

              #7 akbeach

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                Posted 08 July 2009 - 04:30 PM

                Sorry to hear that! Two of my best friends were my bridesmaids and dropped out and didn't end up coming to the wedding. It sucked! But, their excuses were kid related and I guess I understand. It is hard to deal with but it will still be wonderful! We ended up having a blast and my two stand in BM were awesome and had a blast!
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                #8 ~*petals*~

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                  Posted 08 July 2009 - 06:23 PM

                  My oldest friend didn't come to my wedding either. She said from day one that she would be there no matter what... she even RSVP'd... but then she waited too long to book her tickets (I thought she had already booked!)... by the time she was ready to book, the wedding was 2 weeks away and airfare had skyrocketed. I was sad about it but like everybody else has said, there were some friends I didn't expect to go through the "trouble" of coming to our DW who were first in line to book! In the end, everybody who is really supposed to be with you on your day will be there.

                  #9 susanv66

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                    Posted 09 July 2009 - 05:06 PM

                    I am in the same boat! My best and oldest friend won't be able to make it to my wedding either. For the record, she is due with her first child a month before my wedding, and I totally understand, but it is still so deeply disappointing. I was so pumped about having a destination wedding, and now I am starting to question if I did the right thing. That's the part that hurts the most.

                    #10 GracieBebe

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                      Posted 10 July 2009 - 11:36 AM

                      My MOH can't come either because she is due 2 wks after my wedding and my longest friend also won't go b/c she doesn't want to be the only single person there or fly that far and has no one to travel with. I totally understand the preggos thing but the flying that far thing and not wanting to travel alone... She's going to know people there!
                      - Grace
                      Location - Chateau de Challain, Challain la Potherie, France
                      Engagement Date - Sept. 6, 2008
                      Wedding Date - Sept. 9, 2009
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