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I think this is my new hangout today. UGH


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#11 1elephant

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    Posted 03 July 2009 - 04:52 PM

    so then don't change it. if the date is so important and it's too much of a PITA, leave it alone. regardless of whether they can talk to him and email, he's still home, in person, and i can understand why his mom would ask. i agree with rachel, some things are bigger than weddings, and this happens to be one of them - maybe not for you, but definitely for his mother. that being said, she's an adult and can decide whether to attend your shopping event or to spend time with her son.

    #12 big3n09

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      Posted 03 July 2009 - 05:29 PM

      I agree that his mother would want to see her son because to her that's priority, that is her child. For you picking your dress is priority and that is fine. I would keep my appointment and if they come good if not fine. It's not like their not coming for a good reason and I don't think they should feel like you should feel the same way about seeing you FBIL as they do, your relationship with him I'm sure is different. What did you FI have to say about it, my feelings and his would be most important.
      4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

      #13 Kat81

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        Posted 03 July 2009 - 05:33 PM

        I can honestly say if it were my brother coming home from fighting for our country and I got to see him in person and hug him and know for sure he is ok, I would. You have your plans, stick to them. They can make the decision as it gets closer as to whether or not they can make it. That isn't your problem. But I can tell you now if it were between hanging out with my brother for a day or see my fsil try on a dress my brother would win every time! Sorry, just hang in there and stick to your appt.

        #14 *HOLLY*

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          Posted 03 July 2009 - 05:39 PM

          He is home for 2-weeks. He will not be home each day! I would want so see my brother also truly! However, I know he would not want to stick with his sis by his side when he has a FI and other obligations. I would not expect him to just chill with just the fam and thats it. Im keeping my appts my only thing is my FMIL seems upset about it. Im sorry but I will not continue to keep changing my plans. After talking to my FI he agrees with what I am saying. We both know he wont stick out at home. He will spend a few days here and there but he has a FI to be with and friends. My FI knows how important it is to me to have my mom and FMIL there but when it comes to his brother they bend over backwards. If he was just out of state coming to visit for a couple weeks it would be the same way War or no war we are always placed on the back burner.

          Im not trying to come off like I dont care he is over seas fighting the fact is I know he wont be home each day!!!!! I care about him and his safety and I will be glad I can see him too!

          #15 Alyssa

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            Posted 03 July 2009 - 06:22 PM

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by LC_Rachel
            To be honest, I would think his mom would want to make every day available to see her son- I know I would. He was over in another country fighting a WAR! It's not like he just returned from vacation. Maybe she wants to focus on celebrating her son's life and not necessarily divide her attention to look at wedding dresses.

            I can see how you would be frustrated and I don't mean to be offensive, but some things are bigger than weddings. Some things are bigger than shopping for dresses. If it is that important to you, then keep your shopping date. Your MIL and FSIL can make the decision if it's really important to them as well. However, I think you should be happy that they like you enough to want to be a part of this experience.

            Good luck on whatever you decide, but I just wanted to voice that I don't necessarily think your MIL or FSIL are being unreasonable.
            Ditto

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by lauren
            so then don't change it. if the date is so important and it's too much of a PITA, leave it alone. regardless of whether they can talk to him and email, he's still home, in person, and i can understand why his mom would ask. i agree with rachel, some things are bigger than weddings, and this happens to be one of them - maybe not for you, but definitely for his mother. that being said, she's an adult and can decide whether to attend your shopping event or to spend time with her son.
            Double Ditto

            Quote:
            Originally Posted by Scubadiva
            He is home for 2-weeks. He will not be home each day! I would want so see my brother also truly! However, I know he would not want to stick with his sis by his side when he has a FI and other obligations. I would not expect him to just chill with just the fam and thats it. Im keeping my appts my only thing is my FMIL seems upset about it. Im sorry but I will not continue to keep changing my plans. After talking to my FI he agrees with what I am saying. We both know he wont stick out at home. He will spend a few days here and there but he has a FI to be with and friends. My FI knows how important it is to me to have my mom and FMIL there but when it comes to his brother they bend over backwards. If he was just out of state coming to visit for a couple weeks it would be the same way War or no war we are always placed on the back burner.

            Im not trying to come off like I dont care he is over seas fighting the fact is I know he wont be home each day!!!!! I care about him and his safety and I will be glad I can see him too!
            i think you should keep YOUR appointment - i think the problem here is your expectation that they have to be there. wedding dress shopping is fun but it is not life changing, sorry to be crass but magic doesn't happen. it's more life "wow i am so glad that is checked off my list" it's cool for people to share in it and take part but ONLY if they are available and able.

            and just b/c he doesn't have his whole schedule mapped out doesn't mean she doesn't want to make herself available to him - 2 weeks might sound like a lot but he will have so many people to visit and things to take care of she probably wants to get every moment she can with him - i know i would and i pass on a dress shopping trip for that anyday.

            #16 *HOLLY*

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              Posted 04 July 2009 - 10:32 AM

              My really main issues is Im getting a guilt trip. She is telling me how sad she is and whatnot. Again im not chaning my appt but I know she wont be happy with me!

              #17 big3n09

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                Posted 04 July 2009 - 10:45 AM

                I understand how feeling like you are being put on the back burner can hurt and her putting you on a guilt trip. Like someone else said you can't please everybody and life must go on so if you and FI agree on keeping the appts then so be it and people will have to get over it. I wouldn't strees over it maybe when the day actually arrives they will check with his schedule and if he already has palns then she may still go, I just wouldn't even think too much about it anymore. She has her feelings about the situation and you have yours and it doesn't make either of you wrong, it just is what it is!
                4/1/11 in St. Kitts at the Marriott I married my best-friend!!!

                #18 *HOLLY*

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                  Posted 04 July 2009 - 10:50 AM

                  Thank you guys! Like I said I will keep my appt. I already have people who have taken off work and I paid for a private showing. No matter what this is for my FI and I. I just want to find the "one" to look beautiful my for FH.

                  #19 foxytv

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                    Posted 05 July 2009 - 02:13 PM

                    My DH was in Iraq for 14 months - starting just a week after we were engaged. He, too, got his 2 weeks of R&R, just like your future BIL ... and honestly I am taken aback by your insensitivity to what he and his family have been going through while he has been in Iraq. You obviously have no idea what type of stress and anxiety all involved are under when a loved one is overseas in war time.

                    #20 courtney_b00

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                      Posted 05 July 2009 - 02:17 PM

                      I would just go without them, especially since you have already paid for the private showing. If they really want to go, then they can pay for the showing. I totally understand her wanting to wait for another time--I've been through a deployment with my FI and it's the best thing ever when they come home, but considering your situation, you can't just change things for one specific person.




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