I think this is my new hangout today. UGH

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxytv My DH was in Iraq for 14 months - starting just a week after we were engaged. He, too, got his 2 weeks of R&R, just like your future BIL ... and honestly I am taken aback by your insensitivity to what he and his family have been going through while he has been in Iraq. You obviously have no idea what type of stress and anxiety all involved are under when a loved one is overseas in war time.

I have had friends and family overseas so I do know the feeling. I am sure its not as strong as a DH but like I stated before Im excited myself to see him and so is my FI. As before it would not be any different if he was just a state or two away they really favor this one! Im sorry if you were offended by the comment it was never meant to be like that towards anyone. I do praise all the men and women who fight for us!

[foxytv]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scubadiva As before it would not be any different if he was just a state or two away they really favor this one!

But he is NOT just a state or two away - he has been fighting for our country.

I know when I was planning my wedding, I wanted everyone to feel as though it was the most important thing - and it hurt my feelings when I felt like people placed more emphasis or importance on other things. But your wedding is NOT the most important thing going on, even though we like to think it is. And especially in this case, this is just DIFFERENT.

I would almost guarantee that if you checked with the boutique, that they would change the date for you, given the circumstances ... however, I understand that your friends have already taken off work and it would be a hassle.

So, it sounds like you are going to have to suck it up and take it from your FMIL if it's not worth it to you to change the appointment.

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by foxytv But he is NOT just a state or two away - he has been fighting for our country. I know when I was planning my wedding, I wanted everyone to feel as though it was the most important thing - and it hurt my feelings when I felt like people placed more emphasis or importance on other things. But your wedding is NOT the most important thing going on, even though we like to think it is. And especially in this case, this is just DIFFERENT. I would almost guarantee that if you checked with the boutique, that they would change the date for you, given the circumstances ... however, I understand that your friends have already taken off work and it would be a hassle. So, it sounds like you are going to have to suck it up and take it from your FMIL if it's not worth it to you to change the appointment.

When his family favors his wedding and all he has to offer the family than other family members then I get pissed. Its not just the dress shopping there are other things they find more important for his wedding not ours! But the guilt trip I have been getting is not making things any better. I will keep my appts however they cannot be mad at me more for that!
There really is more than this incident!

[starchild]

Rule #1 if you want to be happy - recognize that your wedding is not a big deal to anyone but you.

 

For all intents and purposes it means nothing to anyone except you and the person you are marrying. Some people are excited for you, willing to spend money to attend, happy to buy you gifts, etc. but you aren't the first person to get married and you won't be the last. So what, who cares, move along.

 

Don't give this anymore thought, just do your own thing. It doesn't matter how long he is home and where he will be. He is home, get it? Some people don't come home, how about that? Who cares who is favored? Who cares about a guilt trip?

 

Seriously, peace of mind will come when you realize that your wedding will come and go like a rainstorm and then what? Find something else to be upset about? Stop it. You are in love. Be happy, be free, stop sweating the small stuff.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild Rule #1 if you want to be happy - recognize that your wedding is not a big deal to anyone but you. For all intents and purposes it means nothing to anyone except you and the person you are marrying. Some people are excited for you, willing to spend money to attend, happy to buy you gifts, etc. but you aren't the first person to get married and you won't be the last. So what, who cares, move along. Don't give this anymore thought, just do your own thing. It doesn't matter how long he is home and where he will be. He is home, get it? Some people don't come home, how about that? Who cares who is favored? Who cares about a guilt trip? Seriously, peace of mind will come when you realize that your wedding will come and go like a rainstorm and then what? Find something else to be upset about? Stop it. You are in love. Be happy, be free, stop sweating the small stuff.

Very well said!!!

[Christine]

Jamy well said!

 

It took me quite a while to realize that my wedding was my wedding and wasn't the most important day in anyone else's life except my husband and I. I think you need to stop worrying about how everyone else feels. You can't plan a DW thinking that everyone is going to jump on the boat and be a part of it. Most people plan DW's so they can make it more about the couple and not about the family and their wishes.

 

Also I just wanted to remind you that this is a public forum and everything you post is out there in the internet world. I would hate for your FI or his family to see you bitching about his brother coming home from Iraq. IMHO you are being incredibly selfish and need to take a step back to see the bigger picture. You spend a lot of time whining and complaining about things relating to your wedding and other drama. Perhaps you need to take some time to think about why you do this. Why are you so unhappy with all of this?

 

I know this may sound really harsh, but I started to do this shortly before I realized some things about my wedding. About 7 months before my wedding I changed my plans to bring it closer to home for my family. It was causing me so much stress and it just wasn't worth jeopordizing my relationships for one day of my life.

 

so that's my two cents.

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christine Jamy well said! It took me quite a while to realize that my wedding was my wedding and wasn't the most important day in anyone else's life except my husband and I. I think you need to stop worrying about how everyone else feels. You can't plan a DW thinking that everyone is going to jump on the boat and be a part of it. Most people plan DW's so they can make it more about the couple and not about the family and their wishes. Also I just wanted to remind you that this is a public forum and everything you post is out there in the internet world. I would hate for your FI or his family to see you bitching about his brother coming home from Iraq. IMHO you are being incredibly selfish and need to take a step back to see the bigger picture. You spend a lot of time whining and complaining about things relating to your wedding and other drama. Perhaps you need to take some time to think about why you do this. Why are you so unhappy with all of this? I know this may sound really harsh, but I started to do this shortly before I realized some things about my wedding. About 7 months before my wedding I changed my plans to bring it closer to home for my family. It was causing me so much stress and it just wasn't worth jeopordizing my relationships for one day of my life. so that's my two cents.

They want to be a part of this but everytime I plan something ahead of time I need to change it for them. I say no I am sorry I wont change it and they get upset. So Im upset because I feel I need to change my wedding plans for others. Again like most of you girls said its about my FI and I not anyone else. Hence why I feel upset about this whole situation.

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Christine Jamy well said! It took me quite a while to realize that my wedding was my wedding and wasn't the most important day in anyone else's life except my husband and I. I think you need to stop worrying about how everyone else feels. You can't plan a DW thinking that everyone is going to jump on the boat and be a part of it. Most people plan DW's so they can make it more about the couple and not about the family and their wishes. Also I just wanted to remind you that this is a public forum and everything you post is out there in the internet world. I would hate for your FI or his family to see you bitching about his brother coming home from Iraq. IMHO you are being incredibly selfish and need to take a step back to see the bigger picture. You spend a lot of time whining and complaining about things relating to your wedding and other drama. Perhaps you need to take some time to think about why you do this. Why are you so unhappy with all of this? I know this may sound really harsh, but I started to do this shortly before I realized some things about my wedding. About 7 months before my wedding I changed my plans to bring it closer to home for my family. It was causing me so much stress and it just wasn't worth jeopordizing my relationships for one day of my life. so that's my two cents.

I know I would get different opinions on the board and this section is "venting" Im sorry if my venting is unrealistic to you. Things come up and I put it out there to get advice no matter if its happy or harsh. All that matters is my FI and I getting married. However bumps come in the road and I like to talk about them to get them off my chest.

[*HOLLY*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild Rule #1 if you want to be happy - recognize that your wedding is not a big deal to anyone but you. For all intents and purposes it means nothing to anyone except you and the person you are marrying. Some people are excited for you, willing to spend money to attend, happy to buy you gifts, etc. but you aren't the first person to get married and you won't be the last. So what, who cares, move along. Don't give this anymore thought, just do your own thing. It doesn't matter how long he is home and where he will be. He is home, get it? Some people don't come home, how about that? Who cares who is favored? Who cares about a guilt trip? Seriously, peace of mind will come when you realize that your wedding will come and go like a rainstorm and then what? Find something else to be upset about? Stop it. You are in love. Be happy, be free, stop sweating the small stuff.

Thank you! That was some great advice~ Since the day after posting this I just shrugged my shoulders and was like o'well. I moved on. If my FMIL and FSIL can come great if not its not the end of the world. I know they both wanted to be a part of this however its understandable. I think they are ok with not being able to go now too. I told them Ill try and take pics if I can and if I cant decide on a couple of dresses Ill bring them back for their opinions.

[rodent]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scubadiva Thank you! That was some great advice~ Since the day after posting this I just shrugged my shoulders and was like o'well. I moved on. If my FMIL and FSIL can come great if not its not the end of the world. I know they both wanted to be a part of this however its understandable. I think they are ok with not being able to go now too. I told them Ill try and take pics if I can and if I cant decide on a couple of dresses Ill bring them back for their opinions.

good, i think this is the best way to handle stuff like this. you could always go back with them later to try on the favorites if you are having trouble deciding between a few.

I think we all start off trying to please everyone with the wedding stuff & it starts to ruin the joy of planning a wedding. I know I was so worried about what i thought everyone wanted from me that it was really draining. I finally decided that as long as my intentions are good, everyone sensible will be happy. Some people will always find something to be pissed off about.