Stag n' Doe - to have, or not to have?

[*Lo*]

If you are going to have one, great...It's great to get to celebrate with everyone, but just don't be tacky about it.

 

What I mean is I received a facebook invite to a stag&doe, I wasn't invited to the wedding, I haven't spoken to the girl in like 3 years, and the invite said "Come out and raise money for Her and His wedding"

 

That just irritated me. I mean I wasn't even invited to the wedding, (wasn't really expecting to be since we don't talk anymore) but then sending an invite to come basically donate to their wedding? A few others received the invite and we messaged each other about it and the consensus was that the way it was done was terrible.

 

I guess that is where a lot of my negativity towards it comes from. If it's customary where you are from to have one, and everyone does then I wouldn't worry about it, go for it!

[~*Lisa*~]

Oh I'm glad I found this thread as this is an idea that the FI and I have been throwing around. He's more for it than I am. So I really don't know what will happen in the end. We're not having a wedding party, so I guess in the end, it'll be us that will plan it and I'm not so sure I want to do that. I'm trying to get away from all the planning! lol

[Perplexy]

I know, eh?

 

We are having a DW so we can avoid planning, then this idea comes around. MORE planning! I think I'm just going to sit back and see if the wedding party throws one for us.

 

If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't! No additional planning for me either way.

[~*Lisa*~]

That sounds like a great plan! So great that I think that's what I'll do! I'm not planning a freakin' thing! lol

[jennie]

If I could back I wouldn't do one. I mean it was fun and everyone had a good time, but it was a lot of work to plan.

If i had a do-over, i would just have a BBQ or something simple like that when we got back.

[FatCracker]

Glad to see so many Canadian brides going the DW route!!

We're having the same dilema. My FI really wants to have one, mostly because we aren't having a reception when we return. I feel it's a little tacky since we only invited 20 people on the cruise, and only 4 will probably make it. Also seems to be more planning involved than the actual wedding though.

As we have no bridal party, the consensus among friends and family is to have one. They also made a good point that people who will be coming are there to celebrate you as a couple, and that will give them an opportunity for congratulations before you leave. Everyone else will be there for the cheap booze.

 

But our friends had a great idea to give a portion of the profits to a local charity, that way people who don't make it to the wedding won't feel it's so much of a cash grab.

Still undecided, but plenty of time! Good luck ladies!

[crazyldy]

I think as long as it is more of a party feel then a typical "braidal party" feel you should be fine.

[SSNM]

My thoughts:

 

1. Stag and Does are basically "help-fund-my-wedding parties" (distinct from showers which are "help-fund-my-new-married-life parties"). Therefore, invites really should be restricted to people who were actually invited to the wedding, unless you are planning some amazingly orgasmic event that a lot of people would want to go to. Personally, I was put off when I received invites to stag and does of couples that I barely knew and was certainly not invited to the wedding; It wasn't like it was an invite to have an audience with the Queen of England, so I didn't go.

 

2. I think that if the above is adhered to, they are OKAY to have. It gives an opportunity for those who couldn't come to still celebrate with the bridegroom and help them out at the same time at the expense of a few dollars (vs. the $1000's that those attending the DW will pay).

 

3. DW's may be cheaper but they are not "cheap". Just peruse the budget topics on this website and you'll see that most couples are spending tens of thousands of dollars to host their wedding abroad investing in group excursions, cocktail hours, private receptions, OOT bags, etc.

 

4.The main reason DW's are cheaper is because less people go; if the same amount of people that would attend a local wedding attended a DW, the DW would cost substantially more than the local wedding because the per-person charge is so much more (e.g. a $10K DW attended by 20 people works out to $500/pp vs. a $10K local wedding attended by 100 people at $100/pp ). So, if for a local wedding, we are accustomed to "paying for our plate" when we give a gift, I think this puts things into perspective; yes most guests will pay more than $500 to attend the wedding, but they are also getting a vacation out of it (at least a weekend of festivities and vacation fun vs. one afternoon/evening at a local wedding). Guests for whom it is inconvenient to go, will not go. Guests who are going have seen some value to go beyond merely supporting the bridegroom IMO (e.g. family/annual vacation, needed time off, explore a new country, etc).

[canadianheather]

Another option!!!

We are having a combined stag and doe/AHR to try to make it less tacky. We have the date set a month prior to the actual wedding. We have a massive backyard so we are simply having a huge bbq/pool party; casual and laid back. So we're not charging admission. We're offering FREE food and alcohol. I have rented table, chair, linens, and ordered centerpeices and paper lanterns so it will seem more like a reception. We'll have a DJ as well.

 

However, we thought we would have a few games and raffles to help provide some cash as well as offer entertainment for our guests. Some of the games we have decided on are:

(1) PIE IN THE FACE!!! Guests will gladly open their wallets to put a whip cream pie in your face. The costs are low. Pie tins and can of whip cream! And its definitely fun to watch. Not so great for the bride and groom but hey, I'll just jump in the pool afterwards!

(2) DRUNKIN MUSICAL CHAIRS This is a classic fun game. Guests will pay a fee to enter. Can offer liquor bottle or cash as prize. But here's the twist. Guests will have to do a shot in between each round as someone is knocked out. We were thinking jello shots! Again drunk people scrambling and falling over each other is simply fun to watch! Only cost is the alcohol for shots.

(3) DAROMETER Now we haven't exactly figured out how we're gonna set this game up but i love the overall concept of it. People donate money but at certain quantities you promise to do embarrassing tasks. For example at $20 you and your fiance would do a dare, then again when it reached $40, $60, etc. Obviously as the money goes up the dares get even more embarrassing. Also the dares are posted so that people know what they trying to get you to do.

 

We wanted to keep the games to a minumum. Maybe just one or two more. This way people can spend money if they choose or just enjoy the day. Regardless I hope everyone has a great time.

[~*Lisa*~]

those are great ideas! I love em!