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MOH Backing Out!!!

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    Posted 06 July 2009 - 03:59 PM

    any updates for us? i'm dying to know how she responded to your email!

    #22 NYCBridetoBe1909

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      Posted 06 July 2009 - 05:05 PM

      Not a word, no return phone call, no response to the email. No message when I saw her on Google chat this morning.

      So the ball's in her court, but I'm not holding my breath. In my mind the wedding is going to happen without her, and I'm super excited to be spending ten days in paradise with my fiancee (and then husband!)

      #23 JOSIE

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        Posted 06 July 2009 - 05:07 PM

        Originally Posted by NYCBridetoBe1909
        Not a word, no return phone call, no response to the email. No message when I saw her on Google chat this morning.

        So the ball's in her court, but I'm not holding my breath. In my mind the wedding is going to happen without her, and I'm super excited to be spending ten days in paradise with my fiancee (and then husband!)
        Good way to look at it......I'm glad you are so calm & positive.

        I must admit if I were you I'd be like wtf, no response!?? what the hell is going on!? haha but things like this always tend to have a reason and in time you'll know whats really going on. Shes probably just getting her bearings and trying to figure things out.

        Good Luck!

        #24 doblauvelt

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          Posted 08 July 2009 - 12:52 AM

          My MOH is backing out too. She apparently failed a nursing course and has to retake it, and having no seniority where she works she might have to work (and attend class) the week of the wedding. I'm not stressing about it as much as I thought I would. I just understand that there are things people have to do in order to move forward in their lives. I do think it's selfish your MOH doesn't want to spend 12+ hours traveling, but if she were your bestfriend she'd suck it up. Granted if my bestfriend loves me as much as she claims she'd suck it up too... but in this instance it'll ruin her nursing career. I'm not out to ruin careers because of my wedding so I'll let it be. Maybe if you talk to her and let her know that it's no problem you cover her end (or at least some of it) of the traveling bills she'd be willing.

          #25 RoryS

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            Posted 08 July 2009 - 08:22 AM

            Your attitude is good! We must learn that we can't have control over other people's thoughts and actions. Good for you! My niece's father didn't come to her wedding. He had one excuse after another - too sick, too expensive, who's going to watch the dogs/fish/birds (fill in the blank). She was devestated at first, but we talked and she came to realize that you can't let someone else control your happiness. She finally accepted it and said "whatever" - it's his loss. I know it still hurt, but what can you do? We had a great wedding and she was so happy. You will too! Could you maybe have your Mom as your MOH? :)

            #26 foxytv

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              Posted 08 July 2009 - 08:30 AM

              I had a good friend/BM back out about 6 months prior ... and she blamed it on money - although when DH and I offered to cover her costs, she still wouldn't go (she had already put down her deposit, which she lost).

              I can't say what is going on with your friend but could it be deeper than $$? Jealousy? Envy? I never did find out why my BM decided to back out. She hasn't spoken to me since she sent me the *email* saying she wasn't going ... so obviously there was more to it than $$ ... but I hope you and your MOH can find a way to make it work so she can be there to stand next to you! xoxo

              #27 inspiredfyre

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                Posted 09 July 2009 - 12:51 AM

                It's all about you and your FI. I honestly don't think anyone is really looking at it as a perspective from the BM's point of view. We're all brides to be, but not dw bridesmaids to be! You took it so well, and handled it very graciously, I hope she doesn't screw it up on her end. Choosing a destination is a bride and grooms dream, not their wedding party's. Perhaps if she's going to spend x amount of money, she wants it to be a place where she wants to go also, and perhaps she might be saving for something else important, seeing as that she or her boyfriend have no $$ in this economy! It's hard to think of something more important than a best friend's wedding, but let's be honest here.

                Being a friend on both parts takes patience, and understanding. There's a reason she is your best friend, and hopefully, you two can see it through to have her be there for one of the most important days of your life! Good luck!



                #28 ACH2009

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                  Posted 09 July 2009 - 10:23 AM

                  I really can't understand where your friend is coming from. Here you are offering to help her out and still no response? My best friend moved out to Hawaii last year and I felt terrible that she was going to have to travel so far. Her husband was deployed before our wedding and she travelled by herself to the Dominican for my wedding. It took her 24 hours each way and she didn't complain once (and it was definitely not a cheap ticket). All she said was that it wasn't my fault she lived so far away and that she would never miss my wedding. I know I would do the same for her.
                  I hope it works out for you. I know at the end of the day it's more important that you and your FI are there together but it is nice to have the people that mean a lot to you to share it with.
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                  #29 adurrell

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                    Posted 09 July 2009 - 10:38 AM

                    NYC Bride,

                    I am having the same problem. Although we are having a "legal" ceremony before we leave to DR and my BFF will be there as my witness and MOH, she is saying that she might not be able to make it to our WEDDING in DR which is much more important to me than our "legal" ceremony here in RI. At first she was thinking that my godson would be 5 and in school so she may not have anyone to take him back and forth to school and then she said that she might not be able to go because her fiance has been out of work and they may not be able to afford it. This past Tuesday we spent the whole day together for my birthday. I showed her our STDs and she really didn't have a reaction. I understand with the economy it's hard to commit to a trip but I've given her two years notice. We're getting married May 1, 2011!! I just feel that if she really cared then she would be there. My fiance and I are not in the position to be able to pay for her and her fiance so that is out of the question.

                    I'm starting to get over the fact that she may not be there. I'm just concentrating on planning and making it very special for me and my fiance. Our guests will be a bonus. We don't need anyone to stand up for us at our wedding.

                    In your situation, I think it's horrible for her to be complaining of a 12 hour flight. If that was the only problem my MOH had she'd still be there in a heart beat. And your being so accomodating to her by offering to pay and she's still not responding. All I can say is hopefully she doesn't expect you to go all out for her wedding when she decided to get married. I'm sure you're just as hurt as I am. I'm afraid that after all of this that I'll resent her and I certainly don't want that to happen. I guess my advice to you is to take it one day at a time and in the end the only important thing is that you have a beautiful wedding. Good luck!

                    #30 autjo

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                      Posted 09 July 2009 - 10:57 AM

                      Hi NYC Bride! Just wanted to let you know that I know everything will work out regardless of who is at the wedding. NONE of my long time friends are coming to Mexico (all have totally lame excuses). But ALL of my friends that I have made in the last 5 years are coming. It's funny how things work out!

                      Keep up the positive attitude and have some fun with the planning! It sounds like you have an awesome FI :)

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