MOH Backing Out!!!

[JaimeLynne]

I am so sorry. I totally thought my MOH would not want to go because of cost, but when I brought it up to her (before I'd asked her to be MOH or even BM!) she said she'd TOTALLY be there ~ even if she had to put it on her CC! Awwww :') I was really touched. And my other BM is in pharmacy school and TOTALLY broke but she saved every penny to be able to come. In return I ended up paying for a lot of things for them - but only after they booked. On the other hand, 2 BMs dropped out and honestly it was for the best - I am no longer friends with them...

 

Maybe there's something else going on?? A lot of ppl resent DWs, which is a shame... because the people who ended up going to ours had a friggin' BLAST!!! Maybe remind her that it's not ONLY your wedding, but also a vacation for her and her boyfriend?

 

I'm really sorry... you must be crushed and so hurt... Could you offer to pay for part? Like perhaps the flight upgrade that would make it a direct flight? And maybe those 2 extra nights?? That would be a great compromise, I think...

 

Good luck!

[zethers]

I totally agree with JamieLynn, I would probably offer to pay for the flight upgrade and the two-extra nights. Perhaps she's getting pressure from her boyfriend not to make the expense with his paycut and all, you never know. She could be stuck in tough position between finances and being there for you, so she could be trying to make other excuses. I would just talk to her, much easier to get to the bottom of things than trying to make assumptions which may be wrong, and if you are in a position to help her than why not?

 

Good Luck, and let us know how it turns out.

[britsytoll]

I am so sorry to hear this. I know I would be crushed. Things have a way of working out the way they are supposed to. I am sure everything will be fine. I do think you should sit down and talk with her. Tell her you are willing to help (if you are) in anyway and how important this day is to you. I know my MOH frets about money but I know in my heart she wouldn't miss this day for anything. After you have a chance to calm your emotions...give her a call and talk!

[tylersgirl]

I am so sorry! I am sending lots of hugs your way. Hopefully she will realize that she should go. Good luck!

[EDSROSA]

Sorry to hear about your problem. I agree with the rest of the girls, talk to her about whats going on. I agree, I think its really $$ thats holding her back. I would offer to pay a portion of the travel expenses if I see that $$ is the problem. But if she stands her ground and says that its the travel time, Im sorry, but I would not bother helping her. As a friend I would travel wherever whenever to attend my friends wedding.

Lets us know what happens

[NYCBridetoBe1909]

Ok first of all, wow! Thank you guys so much for all the support. I've never been much of an internet message board person, but I definately see the allure in it now. It's like the best of human nature all rolled into one message board!

 

You guys raised a REALLY good point, one that I hadn't seen because I was so hurt, and that's that it may just be a money thing and that was uncomfortable for her to say. When I thought about that, I had a lot more symptathy.

 

FI was great, being the girl that I am, of course it spiralled out of control into "well maybe we should just cancel the whole thing, it's asking too much of people". He calmed me down, made me dinner and breakfast in bed. He's super!

 

So here's what I did. I called JetBlue, because I saw they are beginning service to St. Lucia. Turns out that there will be direct service THREE times a week from JFK! They haven't finalized the timetable so they don't know which three days that will be, but that's A LOT better than one!

 

What I proposed was: (a) to pay for one ticket in its entirety (one of her points is that when she said yes, she assumed it would be like St. Thomas, where tickets were like $300 each, so paying for one ticket would make it about $300 each); and ( to pay for nights at the resort to take them from Sunday to whenever the next direct flight from JetBlue was.

 

I have my fingers crossed, they are proud people. I definately don't want them to feel like charity cases, so I also said that if it still is too much money, that i completely understood, it wouldn't affect our friendship, and that I hoped they could come to Tennessee for our hillbilly AHR.

 

I'll let you guys know what happens. Thanks again, I feel so loved!

[tylersgirl]

haha, you are too funny saying hillbilly AHR, lol. I am glad you found something that might work! I hope she says YES! Keep us posted...

[meghanmbm]

First off, let me say that this situation really sucks. You have every right to your feelings of being hurt and let down. I know where you are coming from as my cousin who was one of the two bridesmaids that I had and my brother both have backed out. I know that it hurts and that it is hard to let it go, but what you need to do is focus all you energy on the purpose of this day. It is not about who is standing next to you, but who is standing in front of you, your FI. I honestly think that in the end that is all you will remember anyway. I know that we all get caught up with all the drama that seems to migrate into our lives while planning for this special day, but try not to sweat the small stuff. You should try and forgive her and try to understand that not everyone is perfect. Good luck and stay strong

[Jacilynda]

YAY!! What a great FI! We need men who balance us out!

 

I really hope this works out for you. I'm a HUGE fan of JetBlue!! They have great prices and have LOTS of sales about every 40-60 days. This sounds like a fabulous plan!

 

Definitely keep us updated on what happens.

 

PS I am glad you have seen the power of the BDW message board!

[karenk77]

Im sorry..but the main issue here? She told you this over email?? If this is truly your best friend and she geniunely wanted to be there I guarantee you that would not happen over an email?! Ofcourse things happen that put people in financial circumstances, but as a best friend you do what you need to do to be there, even if its for a day or two, for the sheer fact that she will be there to share this with you should be enough for her. Clearly there are other issues, maybe she is jealous who knows. But a friend does not do that over email, that should send red flags off the bat! easy to say don't be upset because naturally anyone would be, but just think if she really wanted to be there she would be, even if it meant having a stop over, or a shorter trip or WHATEVER it took to be there for you. EMAIL?? I'm sorry but that is messed up