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Secretly Dis-invite Someone???


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#1 Preciousmi811

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    Posted 01 July 2009 - 01:39 AM

    SO I sent the STD's out with a formal invite to follow. I have decided to send a email blast for a tentative RSVP soon. In the meantime a couple we have sent a STD to have turned into horrible people and have hurt two very good friends of ours. We really don't want them to come anymore but I don't think it's right either to dis-invite them. I was just going to "forget" to send them the email tentative RSVP and formal invitation and see what happens....is this the wrong approach? Any suggestions?

    I need my bride support!
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    #2 Kits55

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    Posted 01 July 2009 - 04:34 AM

    I think it depends on if they'd find out from other people. I had this problem happen but in regards to our AHR reception. In the end I just did not invite the person BUT i also knew that her chances of finding out were slim to none.

    IMHO if there is almost no way for them to find out that you sent reminders then don't send a reminder. BUT if they could find out that you reminded everyone else except for them you're stuck. Even if you said you "forgot" most likely they would not believe you and you'd end up looking like the bad guy.

    #3 Shinbinea

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      Posted 01 July 2009 - 04:41 AM

      Does this couple know that you are aware of how they have treated your friend? If they are aware of the fact that your not impressed with them I don't think they will be surprised to not receive a formal invite - even if they are aware that other people have received them. personally I wouldn't be too worried about hurting their feelings - they don't sound like the kind of people you want to have in your life so really what does it matter if they feel snubbed by you?

      I think the bigger issue is with your save the date do they have access to enough information to know where and when your wedding is and are they the kind of people who will just show up? Especially if they are not aware of how you feel? That would be much more awkward in my opinion....

      #4 jk1101

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        Posted 01 July 2009 - 09:36 AM

        Preciousm811 -
        I'm having the same situation with one of my friends. We were great friends at work and out of work till I lost my job and I haven't heard from her much since then (March) PLUS I've also found out she has totally screwed me over with new jobs that she could have told me about at the company that have really hurt my feelings. There is only one other girl from that office that is invited, because she has shown to be a true blue friend in the face of crisis. my ex-friend does have access to the website to see info about the trip, but I hadn't even thought twice about not inviting her until I saw this thread.
        I'm still planning not to invite her - she hasn't cared about me - why should I care about her. IMO, If these people are so horrible, you don't need them at your wedding - it would just cause uncomfortability for all.

        #5 marryinghimagain

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          Posted 01 July 2009 - 09:54 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by Preciousmi811
          SO I sent the STD's out with a formal invite to follow. I have decided to send a email blast for a tentative RSVP soon. In the meantime a couple we have sent a STD to have turned into horrible people and have hurt two very good friends of ours. We really don't want them to come anymore but I don't think it's right either to dis-invite them. I was just going to "forget" to send them the email tentative RSVP and formal invitation and see what happens....is this the wrong approach? Any suggestions?

          I need my bride support!
          We did just that! While not formally dis-inviting one particular couple, we did not follow through with any other wedding communication after the initial STD. We did not directly tell them that we no longer wanted them there, we just didn't provide any further information. Everyone else is booked. We are a little more than 3 months out and have not heard from them. I guess they got the hint. I am sure the friendship is severed but honestly, we no longer wanted the drama or the stress over how it affected our other friends as well as us. So to answer your question, no I do not think your approach is wrong.

          #6 Preciousmi811

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            Posted 01 July 2009 - 10:20 AM

            Thank you so much girls. You are all so right I don't care if they feel snubbed and I don't want that drama at my wedding. They do have enough info to show up but I have a feeling once they realize the snub they will bad mouth us too but at this point who cares? I just needed some written support for my backbone. Thank you!
            One Love

            ClubHotel Riu Negril May 14 2010 wedding date. Anyone want to share a photographer? I am flying my photographer out regardless, if you want to split travel cost let me know!!!!

            Password: 12345http://gs105.photobu....are_email_albuhttp://tickers.Ticke...m/ezt...b2f9...

            #7 Preciousmi811

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              Posted 01 July 2009 - 10:36 AM

              Quote:
              Originally Posted by jerseykitten
              Preciousm811 -
              I'm having the same situation with one of my friends. We were great friends at work and out of work till I lost my job and I haven't heard from her much since then (March) PLUS I've also found out she has totally screwed me over with new jobs that she could have told me about at the company that have really hurt my feelings. There is only one other girl from that office that is invited, because she has shown to be a true blue friend in the face of crisis. my ex-friend does have access to the website to see info about the trip, but I hadn't even thought twice about not inviting her until I saw this thread.
              I'm still planning not to invite her - she hasn't cared about me - why should I care about her. IMO, If these people are so horrible, you don't need them at your wedding - it would just cause uncomfortability for all.
              By the way what a b**** That's so mean if the tables were turned you would be helping her out and offering new job info. I can't believe she would do that to a friend.
              One Love

              ClubHotel Riu Negril May 14 2010 wedding date. Anyone want to share a photographer? I am flying my photographer out regardless, if you want to split travel cost let me know!!!!

              Password: 12345http://gs105.photobu....are_email_albuhttp://tickers.Ticke...m/ezt...b2f9...

              #8 JOSIE

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                Posted 01 July 2009 - 11:37 AM

                I think its a perfect approach. If they ever contact you about not getting a formal invite, etc, I would apologize and say that the STD was sent my mistake and you are trying to keep your #'s down....I'd just pretend like they were never invited in the 1st place!

                you deserve only people who love & respect you on your day!
                11.28.2009




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