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In a tough spot- do I fire a bridesmaid?

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31 replies to this topic

#11 amygirl1169

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    Posted 30 June 2009 - 01:36 PM

    Strange how weddings change people! I've been noticing the same things...

    Odd that she hasn't booked yet though, there's obviously something that's making her drag her feet... maybe she's strapped for cash and feeling frustrated about it??
    The only way you'll know for sure is to have another heart to heart with her and try to hash things out.

    Otherwise --->

    Good luck!

    #12 autjo

    • Sr. Member
    • 2,182 posts

      Posted 30 June 2009 - 01:49 PM

      I find it kinda strange that she hasn't booked yet. But then again, some of the people who I thought would jump to book our wedding are coming up with some totally lame excuses. I like the idea of giving her no responsibility and thinking of her as just as another guest. Who knows... maybe she won't even book. Then you could sell her dress to someone on BDW

      #13 emme

      • Jr. Member
      • 382 posts

        Posted 30 June 2009 - 02:17 PM

        Awww...it's such a bummer when things like this happen. I have read a few posts of girls in the same situation and I feel so bad for you all. I think all of the other "words of wisdoms" in this thread are great...the BDW brides always have such wonderful words of encouragement.

        Bride + Groom + 44 Amazing Guests...

        #14 koolatta

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        • 321 posts

          Posted 30 June 2009 - 02:32 PM

          Since you already had the one on one with her I think its time to ignore her. Hopefully that will prompt her to ask you whats wrong and at that point tell her exactly how you feel. That's a strategy I have used and works most of the time, although you have those people that are chickens and never ask whats wrong and thats usually when I corner them after a while and tell them in a nice way if they haven't noticed that I've been totally ignoring them and then explain why. I'm not very good at keeping my feelings to myself for very long cause it just causes pent up frustration and why should you be so frustrated on your big day...I say give it a try.

          21 + Bride & Groom Booked!!

          #15 YoursTruly

          • Sr. Member
          • 1,097 posts

            Posted 30 June 2009 - 03:29 PM

            wow that is a tough one. good luck with it. I dont have the best advise as I would have cut her off eons ago. I had a similar situation, friend for over 19 years and just like that--cut it off. Friends dont hurt you like that

            #16 sunsetbride1

            • Sr. Member
            • 1,083 posts

              Posted 30 June 2009 - 03:37 PM

              Originally Posted by YoursTruly
              wow that is a tough one. good luck with it. I dont have the best advise as I would have cut her off eons ago. I had a similar situation, friend for over 19 years and just like that--cut it off. Friends dont hurt you like that
              I have to agree with YoursTruly here.. I had a friend of 10 years plus that was supposed to be a BM; to make a very long story short - after trying to talk it out with her, I realized it wasn't worth the effort. We are no longer friends and she is absolutely not in or coming to the wedding. No one should have to ask a friend to be there for you; be supportive of your wedding or treat you with respect. That's the bottom line IMO.

              If she hasn't paid for the trip yet and you bought her BM dress; have one more talk with her. Explain how you feel exactly like you did on here to us... If that doesn't work, then kindly explain that her behavior is not an okay way to treat a friend and that you would rather her not be in the wedding as it is causing you extra stress on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.

              That is just my two cents here... I hope it all works out for you!

              #17 DarcyJAde

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              • 305 posts

                Posted 30 June 2009 - 05:00 PM

                Originally Posted by Nikki07
                Hmmm.... I agree with what the other girls are saying that it would be awkward to fire her but I just wanted to bring another perspective here. In my recent experience with friends getting married, it seems like it changes people temporarily. I'm not saying its right because in my mind a true friend is supportive, etc, but I think some people have a really poor way of handling their emotions and it wouldn't matter what you did to try and get her to open up, she would still remain "negative". I think its a personality thing. As horrible as it is to have someone in your wedding party that truly doesn't seem interested, you may find that after the wedding she snaps back to her normal self. Would you be willing to mend your friendship then? I dunno, I'm not standing up for her, she's definitlely out of line, but its just something to think about. I hope it all works out for you.
                Well, it would be tough to consider someone a friend if they weren't there for me during an extremely important time in my life. So if she started acting "nice" again after the wedding it would probably piss me off more!!

                [/SIGPIC] 40 PEOPLE BOOKED!!!

                #18 zethers

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                • 135 posts

                  Posted 30 June 2009 - 05:38 PM

                  Keep us posted as to what happens, as for me, I'm with YoursTruly and Sunsetbride1, I would have cut her off even if I do have to work with her. No one needs someone negative around them during such a beautiful and exciting time in their life. I would tell her during lunch what's going on and either she changes her attitude or you move on without her, doesn't sound like it would be much of a loss. Good Luck and Happy Planning.

                  #19 BillysBride

                  • Sr. Member
                  • 1,255 posts

                    Posted 30 June 2009 - 07:11 PM

                    She hasn't booked yet, I'd cut the cord. Seriously. 3 months out and she hasn't booked? What excuse is she giving you?

                    I have a similar situation. In my case, this girl has numerous other issues that I've been aware of for years now. The fact that she is acting less than enthusiastic most of the time about our wedding is a bit of a suprise though. She tries now and then, because she knows how she is coming across and knows that she should be acting more appropriate. Still, it shows and it's obvious. I have a hard time pretending not to notice...she's my MOH (interesting how it seems like these situations always involve that particular position), and I've been doing most of my wedding stuff/discussion with one of my other BM's.

                    I'm seriously thinking of just letting her off the hook. I don't want to let it fester and end up resenting her for her lack of enthusiasm or feeling like I'm dragging her into doing something she doesn't want to. I also have the feeling she'll be one of those last minute bookings...she's yet to rsvp at ALL, and I've talked to 4-5 tims since she got hers. She even called me to tell me how cute they were, then went through a b.s. discussion about BM dresses (her daughter is supposed to be a junior BM). So why would she not have rsvp'd by now? She claims she's going, has been to the web site and received the std. Just one of those peeps who thinks if they don't officially say they are coming, theres some loop hole in there. I'm not dealing with it.

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                    #20 Shinbinea

                    • Jr. Member
                    • 182 posts

                      Posted 01 July 2009 - 04:33 AM

                      People do tend to get freaked out over weddings - my best friend who I thought would stop at nothing to be at my side on my wedding day didn't even show up for my engagement party.

                      Whatever the reason for her attitude you don't deserve it. I agree with some of the other brides about talking to her about it but I would focus on the fact that she hasn't booked yet and you have paid for her dress so you would like some sort of commitment out of her (considering your wedding is in October I don't think its too much to expect her to be booked by now) . If she's not planning on going (which judging from your comments might be the case) it gives her the perfect opportunity to back out which saves you from having to "fire" her.

                      It probably won't be good for you relationship with her but if you let her stay in your wedding party it will eat you up inside and at the end of the day your friendship will suffer either way.

                      But that's just my opinion - its your wedding party and you have to do whatever makes you happy.

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