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estella1007

Some people completely lack etiquette...

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So, I need to vent this to the only place it won't get me in trouble...

I am throwing my best friend's bridal shower, which is sucking up a good chunk of $ that could be going to my wedding. I am paying for favors, centerpieces, decor, and all the tableware. Of course the stuff I am paying for needs to be ordered at least 3 weeks in advance so I can have it here in time. Well, her lovely future MIL calls me today and explains that their family are not exactly the "RSVP type." That apparently they all just show up without calling. Mind you, 95 invites went out. What the eff do I do? Do I assume all these people will show up? Do I order enough tableware, favors and centerpieces for that many people? What the heck if they don't all show? Then what. I spent about $200 extra on stuff when I could have put that $ toward my wedding. Do I only order enough for the people who RSVP, the the rest are SOL?

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Are you f-ing kidding? I would just explain to her the preparation that's required for this event. This is giving her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she just doesn't realize it. However, I would not accept an answer of "they aren't the RSVP type". Uh, not acceptable!! I would tell her that she needs to call whoever didn't RSVP and get answers out of them! If she doesn't co-operate I would get the names and numbers if you don't already have them, and pass it off to someone else in the bridal party....or worst case scenario, do it yourself. People are so ignorant sometimes!!! Good luck and keep us posted!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielleNDerek View Post
i would ask her fmil to call her family then and she can find out if they are going. You shouldnt have to pay extra $ for people not to show up.
Oh, I did! Her answer was,"I work crazy hours so I can't do that." Then said, "trust me, they will show up anyway." What the eff is that? Seriously. I just called my friends sis, and we are going to only buy and cook enough for who RSVP's. I am going to do the tables with centerpieces, place settings, and favors. Then put place cards with the names of who RSVP'ed. On the other side of the room we will put a few tables and chairs, completely undecorated and no favors for those who may just show up. Hopefully they will learn their lesson. We are also going to announce tables to get up and get food, leaving those others to go last. If there isn't enough food for them then oh well! Is this super bitchy of me?

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I dunno, in a way it is a little 'superbitchy' but... what else can you do....

 

What you can do is this... Call MIL, say I will prepare space for 8 or 10 of the non-RSVP'ers. Please encourage your family to call me to RSVP, to ensure that seating is available, otherwise we will not have enough chairs -- if she says prepare for all of them, ask if she is willing to subsidize the cost. Be blunt.

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Wow! I think this takes the cake when it comes to rudeness. I cannot believe that is what she said. I agree it may be "superbitchy" but they are not leaving you much choice. I think I'm just shocked that people can be like that...it is beyond rude. I'm not even sure what to say...I've never heard of anything like it before. It is a shame you cannot ask her to contribute to the cost (I know you can't) if she wants you to just assume all these people are going to show up.

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Cant believe she wont call her family. did you ask for their phone numbers? Not that it wouldnt serve that family right if you did that but you also dont want it to ruin your friend's shower. His family might be the type to make a big deal over something like that, even though its really their faults for not RSVPing. I

 

I like Amarillis' suggestion.

 

Do you have anyone else on his side that's in the bridal party? like does he have a sister or anything that you can designate that as their job. It's pretty crappy if your making the food too, that's a lot of work for people who cant bother to let you know your going.

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Man, what a situation!! I would maybe round up so you have a few extra but I definitely agree you shouldn't spend your money and time on people who won't even pick up the phone and say "I'll be there, thanks." Not the RSVP type...what is that supposed to mean, we have no class and don't do the proper thing?

Sorry about that, I'm sure it'll turn out great. And it's for the bride, not her family and I'm sure she'll appreciate all the hard work.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

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Well, in all reality, it is what it is, ya know? lol She could have delivered the news with a lot more diplomacy, but ....if she KNOWS that's how they are, it's not necessarily her fault.

 

I'd say plan on most of those that were invited attending. She has to know them well enough to be a good indication, so err on the side of caution. YES, it sucks big time and isn't fair. But maybe just look at it is as 95 yes rsvp's which is what you may have ended up with anyway had everyone acted like adults and responded the way guests never do, ya know? Some HAVE GOT to miss it, but since you can't know how many....I don't think you have much choice.

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You think this is bad. My poor friend is going through hell with the whole wedding process too. That side of the guest list still has people with no last names, no addresses, etc. Basically this woman wants wedding invites sent with only first names on them since she can't remember some last names. ( I would assume they must not be that important then) Also wants invites sent to people to pass along to others because she doesn't remember their address. My friend has been asking her for a year now, and still nothing. Forget me trying to get phone numbers from her. Her future SIL is in the wedding, and ignores my texts, emails, and calls. Her side of the family has gotten in fights with his side. Its just a bad situation all together, and we are afraid that they are doing this out of spite. Its so unfair for her that they are making this so difficult.

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