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having second thoughts

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9 replies to this topic

#1 jawedding

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  • 197 posts

    Posted 19 June 2009 - 01:43 PM

    I feel really embarrassed even writing this, but I am having second thoughts about the destination wedding and our chosen hotel (ROR).. for the following reasons;

    1. the economy is SO bad, I feel guilty, like having a DW where everybody is spending thousands to come is SO wasteful at a time when people should probably be being less frivolous.

    2. I wanted a DW, because I thought it would be really fun, and I still think that.. but I am starting to worry about whether or not it will be 'traditional' enough for me. I REALLY want nice food. Not rediculously fancy, but something that people will REALLY enjoy. I also REALLY want people to dance! My FAVORITE part of weddings is the speaches and dancing! I'm really afraid that I'm giving that up.. and I booked a poolside reception because I thought it was the most beautiful and had heard such nice things about it, but now I'm worried about the food (BBQ), and Chandlyn said it ends at 10:30 and that just sounds so early! Esp. if it doesn't start until 6:30.. and dinner and speeches go until 830.

    I'm sorry to be so complainy.. I don't know what's gotten into me.. I am not usually a second guessing person.. but I just really want the wedding to have the feel of a 'festive' wedding.. i don't know if that makes sense.. I'm probably worrying about nothing.. but I just REALLY do want to feel like it's special (beyond the obvious special'ness' that just getting MARRIED to the love of my life will bring), and not just a random dinner out with dressed up people.. does this make sense? Anybody else ever feel like this?

    Thanks for listening.. I love this forum!
    33 People Booked!!

    #2 JOSIE

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      Posted 19 June 2009 - 02:27 PM

      awww. i'm sorry to hear this! don't worry!

      Remember that you can have all the parts of a traditional wedding, but with the unbeliveably GORGEOUS setting of Jamacia. I think in the end you will be so happy because your wedding will have more than most...it will have BOTH of those factors!!!

      Its completely normal to stress about the food, and the length of the reception and music/dancing/all of those things. Can you pay extra to extend the reception? If not, you can move the party elsewhere (does ROR have a disco) and keep it going all night! You could even party in the pool or hot tub with the guests after hours...I assume its all inclusive so I think people will have an amazing time!!

      I agree that with the economy it's tough and you do feel guilty - just remember that many people are taking vacations, little get aways, and spending their money on what they feel is important.....and this is one of those things!

      you'll have a great time, i promise!!!!!!!!

      #3 Jen_S

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        Posted 19 June 2009 - 02:38 PM

        I also think you can still have the feel of a traditional wedding just with the ocean, sand and dancing under the stars!!!! (aww makes me want to go back right now and live that day again) I have not been to ROR but our wedding dinner was delicious and our guests loved it. We still had our speeches and there was a lot of dancing for 32 people the dance floor was always filled. I think what you are feeling is common and if you can sit down and say having a DW is what you and your FI really want and you can live with the guests who can and cant come then you can fit in all the traditions you want.
        Our Honeymoon In Ireland!!

        #4 jawedding

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          Posted 19 June 2009 - 02:40 PM

          Thank you! What a nice response.. i thought I would get some tough love, but what you said was just what I needed to hear. thank you!
          33 People Booked!!

          #5 Kristy!


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            Posted 19 June 2009 - 02:53 PM

            One thing to remember too is that your wedding will last more than the traditional 8 hours or whatever it is from start to finish. I looked at it as having a 3 day wedding. I'll be honest, there wasn't a whole lot of dancing at my reception. But on the catamaran the day before, people were really busting a move. That was in celebration of our wedding, even if it was the day before.

            A DW is such a unique and wonderful experience. We all have had doubts at one time or another. Trust us, you won't regret. Oh, and our food was delicious.

            #6 JUSTUSTWO


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              Posted 19 June 2009 - 04:13 PM

              There's no need to be embarrased! BDW is here to be your sounding board.
              In terms of 2nd guessing your decision, trust me, thats quite natural since you're not going the "traditional" route of having a wedding at home.

              Like everyone has said, a DW can be just as amazing & as traditional as having your wedding at home. To me a DW is special in itself. Having family/friends travel with you to a tropical island where they take part in your wedding! How can you beat that?
              I think people enjoy DW's in general because its something different. Prior to my own wedding, most of my family & friends, including myself & DH had never been to a DW. We have memories of the entire weekend & days leading up to the wedding, that will last all of us a lifetime.

              If you feel that you want to add things to make your wedding extra special then you can always add little details. Little touches like having a steel drum band, if its in your budget & the idea of a poolside reception is unique in itself!

              And don't worry about dancing, if the poolside reception ends at 10:30, you can go into the disco & party until 2am!!!!

              And I can tell you, I just came back from my 2nd trip to ROR and while the food was good this time around, it was much better at my wedding! All of my guests who traveled with us this time, also came to the wedding & they agreed.

              So try not to worry about this too much. Your wedding will be wonderful!!!

              #7 drbrainfreeze

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                Posted 19 June 2009 - 07:51 PM

                I agree. I wanted a traditional wedding so badly, but I would NOT have changed my DW for the world. And all the singles have pretty much decided that once they get married, THEY will be having DWs. I hope my PM has helped ease your mind a little Honestly, the BBQ menu at the reception was the best food we had all week, that including Sir Richards which was AMAZING. I felt that we had enough time to do all the "traditional" dances, speeches, cake cutting and every other traditional thing. Plus lots of dancing, drinking and taking shots! And then the party just continued on at the disco and also people really appreciated being able to walk down by the ocean. Trust me, by 11pm a lot of people were really pretty tired from being in the sun all day long and really appreciated being able to decide to do whatever without feeling guilty about having to stay late at the reception.

                Just thinking back, I don't really remember most any wedding receptions going more than 4-5 hours so this is actually pretty traditional? The party usually goes somewhere else if people still want to party!

                #8 YoursTruly

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                  Posted 19 June 2009 - 10:49 PM

                  if money is your main issue, then by alll means use your judgment based on your guests situations. Those that can make it ,will! You will have a wonderul time. Good luck

                  #9 jawedding

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                    Posted 20 June 2009 - 12:51 AM

                    thank you so much to EVERYBODY.. I was feeling SO crappy today and you have totally helped bring me up!! :) nicest brides around!
                    33 People Booked!!

                    #10 LadyD

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                      Posted 20 June 2009 - 10:52 AM

                      You are not alone...it took us 5 months to decide what we were going to do! I'm working hard to have very traditional elements in my wedding as well. I think it's definetly possible...just may take a little more out of the box thinking..but it can definetly be done.

                      Good luck with the planning!
                      Enjoyed a FANTASIC wedding in Mobay with 95 of our closest friends and family!!

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