FHs family wants an AHR, we don't...
Posted 19 June 2009 - 12:13 AM
They say that they want to be able to share our happiness with everyone who can't make it but the thing is the money would be coming out of the money that they are going to give us. I don't want to come across as a bitch or selfish but there are other things that we would rather put that money towards (although I realize that it's their money and they can do what they want with it). We really need a car and we'd rather put the money towards that. Plus, everyone that we really care about will be coming to our wedding in the DR or they live on opposite ends of the country (my family is from the maritimes, FHs from BC) so they wouldn't come to an AHR anyways. I know that the people who would come could really care less about our wedding or would just come because our parents went to their kid's weddings. It just seems like such a waste of money especially because I know my parents and FHs parents and a simple BBQ wouldn't do. It would turn into some swanky reception!
To make matters worse (or I guess another argument that we have against it) our good friends who are also in our wedding party are getting married 2.5 months after us at the end of April (and we're in their wedding party) and FH's parents want to have the AHR at the start of May. I just think that this would be so rude to our friends! It would be like saying "well now your wedding is over, we want all of the attention on us AGAIN". Plus I feel like people might think it's just a gift grab whereas we don't want any gifts! We've owned a condo together for almost 3 years, have our "kid" (Great Dane ) together etc. so we don't need anything.
How can we convince them to not have an AHR without seeming selfish or ungrateful? We've tried telling them a few times but it hasn't worked yet
Posted 19 June 2009 - 08:09 AM
sorry a bit of a rant. is it a given that the $ would have been given to you? if so, would it be an option to sit down with them, share with them a list of expenses that you guys have planned for based on the financial gift amt you guys spoke about? kind of a, "we really appreciate that you want to throw us a party, but we don't want you to spend so much... " then they might offer that they've already put aside money for you and FI, whether it be in the form of a gift of a party, and that's when you can throw in that "that's so generous of you. there are a few big purchases we'd need to make in the near future. it's your money so it's entirely up to you, but we feel that, given the cost of an AHR and our future expenses, it might be more practical to put it twds something more long-term".
I totally see your hesitation though because you know they mean well and by rejecting their gift, it might seem selfish or ungrateful, but i think it's more that you guys want to make the most out of the $, whether it's yours or theirs. It can be framed as you guys being selfish/ungrateful, but also just as easily that you would looooove to have both, but if you had to choose, you'd rather it be something that is more permanent. In this economy, we all *need* to be more practical to make the most of what we have.
I hope things work out for you!!! Let us know! Whatever you decide, we support you all the way!
Posted 19 June 2009 - 11:00 AM
Posted 19 June 2009 - 03:07 PM
We're going over to FHs parent's place on Sunday for Father's Day and my parents will be there too (our parents get along great and are friends now) so we're going to talk to everyone about it. Wish us luck!
Posted 19 June 2009 - 03:23 PM
We are in the same boat, but it is my parents that want th AHR, his side of the family is still irked that we are having a DW, even though my FI's family is in NB, and mine are in QC... anyway, So we are just going to have a celebration supper at a restaurant (individuals paying for their own meals) in the respective towns, a month or 2 after the actual wedding. We also agreed to bring our photo albums to family reunions and Xmas parties this year...lol its a bit showy, but everyone is happy.
I hope you can find a similar solution
Made it legal : June 30, 2009
Posted 19 June 2009 - 04:51 PM
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