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How to tell guests it's NOT an open bar...?

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    Posted 15 June 2009 - 03:17 PM

    I don't think it's tacky either and the truth is, if it's completely breaking your budget, then you shouldn't stretch it just to make your "friends" more comfortable. If these are people you're close to, I'm sure they will totally understand. 4 Drinks is a lot, especially if they're hard liquor. However, like the other girls have said, if it is WITHIN your means to do unlimited beer & wine, then thats a good alternative too. I also think doing a time limit could work, but I know MY group, and they'd drink like crazy if they knew it only lasted for a certian time, and that might end up costing you too.

    Keep us posted!

    #12 *tanga*

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      Posted 15 June 2009 - 04:50 PM

      I think offering just beer and wine is quite acceptable - it is your wedding reception not a keg party. There is no need to go over budget just so your guests can drink spirits.

      #13 BBtoB

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        Posted 15 June 2009 - 04:59 PM

        Tacky is such a strong word. I do like the idea of beer and wine all night to find a happy medium. And I do think four drinks is generous, but beer and wine all night might be the same amount or close? And the bottom line is that you dont want to spend beyond your means, but it is nice to find the balance and still try to make everyone happy. That is a very tough thing to do. Have you talked to the restuarant to see what the options are? See if they can work out a deal for you.

        #14 blana

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          Posted 15 June 2009 - 05:45 PM

          I honestly dont think you should listen to people that aren't really invited. If your comfortable with 4 drinks then 4 drinks it is. Personally, I think your being pretty generous by offering them that. In my experience as soon as people hear the words "free drinks" they go alittle wild. I will say that if you don't want them getting all rowdy then offering 4 per person may be setting the bar for them to step it up a notch but there again I dont know these people so they may be pretty respectable and not feel the need to get sloshed. If it were me...I would probably just tell them up front that your considering setting a limit of 4 drinks and see how they respond. There isnt anything that says you can't tell them about this before the wedding and you can't get their input. We already had a discussion with our groomsmen letting them know that our wedding is not an invitation to get hammered especially since 1. older people will be there and 2. Im a recovering alcoholic who is being quite generous to allow it at all.
          If these people are as close to you as you say they are Im sure it wont be "tacky" to them. And secondly, for the others who aren't invited to even bring it up and tell you that I think is what is tacky. I mean here you are about to celebrate your big day and you want it to be as perfect as your budget allows for them to point out something negative I think comes across alittle rude...but again I dont want to judge b/c I dont know any of them. In the end, its your wedding and you should do what you are comfortable with. Just explain to your guests that you can only do what you can do and leave it at that. If they still find it for lack of a better word tacky then your kinda in a lose lose situation.

          #15 courtney_b00

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            Posted 15 June 2009 - 07:41 PM

            I don't think it is tacky at all, especially if these people are big drinkers and your bar bill at the end of the night ends up being absolutely outrageous. I know that you are inviting them to celebrate with you and all but you have to draw the line somewhere. Not everyone can afford to do everything for your guests. It's like saying inviting them to a DW and not paying for their costs is tacky. Paying for 4 drinks is generous enough.

            #16 frazali

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              Posted 15 June 2009 - 09:26 PM

              In my geographic region it's the norm to have an open bar - I've actually never been to a cash bar. Your situation is unique, in that you are paying for the 4 drinks - so it's not strictly a cash bar. I think that providing 4 drinks is a nice compromise for your guests.

              #17 itsfinallyhere

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                Posted 15 June 2009 - 10:04 PM

                I would not have a cash bar. I would limit it to beer and wine, but I have know people who wanted to provide a few drinks , and they provided X amount of tickets for the drinks. That way you limit the expense, if people want something differnent than beer or wine they can have but if they don't want all their tickets they could pass them on. But once they are out of tickets the onus is on them. That way you would not have to close the bar.

                #18 BillysBride

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                  Posted 16 June 2009 - 11:51 AM

                  What we're doing is sort of a combo of both limiting the open bar times and offering specific drinks to keep costs down. The restaurant actually suggested a price limit, but I wasn't comfortable with that even though we have SOME "drinkers" in our group, but it's a pretty good balance.

                  We paired down the bar menu list they gave us to 4 specific drinks. We'll do two hours "open bar" which will include meal time in which people will be eating along with drinking so that will automatically cut down on SOME of it. It's easier to announce on the web site and newsletter "Please enjoy an open bar for all of our dinner guests featuring Mojitos, Sangria, rum punch and draft beer from 7-9pm" That doesn't sound tacky to me at all, and it still serves the purpose of letting them know it is not an all night boozefest. And to be honest? If given the option of paying for all their own drinking or having some of it paid for, I think it's a no brainer for most guests. They know we are not made out of money therfore they would know the reason behind it. If anyone has a problem with it, it's their problem. lol But then, I'm a b*tch that way.

                  http://i17.photobuck....inecollage.jpgThe Fab Four (my quads) Meryn, Kellen, Nico & Layla
                  http://global.thekno...rs/tt265ad.aspxhttp://www.mywedding...nnah/index.html20 STD's w. pre-lim RSVP sent 6/15/09: 7 "Yes" so far/10 guests total!

                  #19 rodent


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                    Posted 16 June 2009 - 12:21 PM

                    i agree with limiting time or available drinks. Are you staying at an AI? If people want to drink all night, they can move the party to another bar afterwards. I think it all depends on the kind of reception you want. is this just dinner or dinner & dancing?

                    4 drinks is a lot. I don't think the B&G need to foot the bill for binge drinking. besides, they can drink a lot any other night of the vacation.

                    Unless you want the reception to be a late night party with a lot of drinking. In that case, i'd find a way to accomidate that.

                    #20 rodent


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                      Posted 16 June 2009 - 12:23 PM

                      nevermind i just saw the wedding is at virginia beach, not an AI hotel somewhere like mexico.

                      For our wedding, we partied with guests and drank on the other nights of the vacation. On our wedding night, we didn't stay out late. Everyone still had fun without us there.

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