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Having trouble writing my vows......

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#1 WAJA2009

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    Posted 15 June 2009 - 11:15 AM

    So I am leaving for my wedding tomorrow (ceremony is on saturday) and I have EXTREME writer's block. We are writing our own vows and I want it be perfect but I am having trouble coming up with the "right" words to say. Fiance has already completed his vows (months ago) but everytime I write something, I ball up the paper and start all over again.

    Anybody have some insight on this? did anyone else have trouble writing their vows? What helped you?

    I'm sure once I'm on the beach and calm and relaxed the words will just come to me, but right now I'm stuck.


    #2 foxytv

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      Posted 15 June 2009 - 11:19 AM

      Oh wow you are leaving so soon! I wish I had some advice for you, but we didn't write our own vows, so I really don't.

      The only thing I would suggest is to start with writing down the things you love about your FH, the things that first attracted you to him, the things that still make you smile when you see or think about. Just one or two words for each line. Then, maybe it will be easier to write why you have chosen him for your life's journey together and how you expect your lives to evolve once you are man and wife.

      I know whatever you come up with will be perfect! Can't wait to hear all about it when you get back!!!

      #3 blushingbride

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        Posted 15 June 2009 - 11:24 AM

        I think we are writing our vows for our AHR. I don't really have much advice, but I agree with Tami - write from the heart. I know it's easier said than done...but when you think about why you are marrying him, what you mean to each other, the journeys you've been through, you should have no problems. Best of luck!!

        #4 wsarah2107

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          Posted 20 June 2009 - 07:36 PM

          I'm sorry I can't help you, but wanted to let you know you're not alone in the frustration!!! Fi's idea to write our own vows...I love the idea, but it really stresses me out!!
          My g/f is getting married to in Sept and her Fi had the idea to write their own as well...and she's a nervous wreck about it!! ...always would have thought it would have been the bride's idea/easier for her to express than for the grooms!!!

          #5 wsarah2107

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            Posted 20 June 2009 - 07:40 PM

            Just thought of something when I was re-reading the previous posts...
            I am confused by the whole vow writing thing, because initially I thought I would write about what I love about Noah and everything he has done for me ect,
            but then I don't think thats right...I think thats more of what you would say in a toast to him. I think vows are supposed to be what you promise you will do for the other person...like, traditional vows state you will be there for the other in sickness and health ect, and don't really mention why you love that person or anything like that.
            So, what I was thinking I would say, I don't think that expresses committment like vows are supposed to....but maybe you can do some of both??

            #6 starchild



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              Posted 20 June 2009 - 07:52 PM

              Don't fret, I wrote mine sitting in a hammock in the jungle a few hours before the wedding and they were perfect. There are no rules that say they need to be done in advance, and if there were I would tell you to break them anyway

              Write them when you are in a spiritually open place, whenever that may be. You are about to spend the rest of your life with the person you love the most, think about that and the words will come. If you can't get them right in advance I guarantee the words will flow on your wedding day.

              My vows were written to my hubby with a few inside jokes and didn't entirely make sense to the crowd, but they weren't for the guests, kwim? Have fun with it and know that there are no right or wrong things to say :)

              #7 BlakleyBrideToBe

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                Posted 24 June 2009 - 12:13 PM

                Just relax! Try a bubble bath and a glass of red wine! That's what worked for me?

                #8 jk1101

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                  Posted 24 June 2009 - 12:43 PM

                  I thought this list from The Knot was pretty good as a guide. Maybe it will help you break your block.

                  What did you think when you first saw him/her? Start from the beginning -- you didn't want to go out and now you're grateful your friends dragged you out? How to use: When we met at __________, I knew __________.

                  When did you realize you were in love? The more specific you are able to be, the more touching the story. Was it when he helped you bring your sick puppy to the vet? How to use: I knew I was in love when ____________. Don't underestimate the power of humor. Throw in at least one more playful sentiment (When she recited Don Mattingly's RBI record...).

                  What do you have now that you didn't have before you met? Focus on the heart and head, not material possessions. Has she taught you to appreciate beauty differently? Has he helped you learn to savor creating a home-cooked meal? How to use: Before I met you, I ___________. Now I ___________.

                  How has your worldview changed? Life has likely gotten better since the two of you joined forces, so tell everyone about it. How to use: Because of you, I see the world __________. Having trouble? Think about the new things you've tried with your mate -- what have you experienced together that you never would have on your own?

                  What do you miss most when you're apart? This will probably be something mundane but powerful -- what about his smile first thing in the morning, or the way she puts out your lucky mug for your morning coffee? How to use: You are such a part of me that when you're gone, I __________.

                  Where do you see yourselves in 10 years? 20 years? 40 years? Go deeper than Happily married in a big house. What are your long-term hopes, dreams, and goals? How to use: I look forward to __________, laughing and __________ as we __________.

                  Is there a line from a movie, song, or poem that says it all? It's okay to borrow, as long as it's not too much of a cliche (we're sorry, but You complete me is suffering from overuse). Instead modify something familiar to personalize. How to use: Subtly. I watch you ________, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

                  Do parts of the traditional vows resonate with you? Maybe you're not so sure about the obey part, but can you really go wrong with love, cherish, and...? How to use: Try I promise to cherish and honor you ____________, but add a time frame and funny reference for levity: ...all the days of my life, especially when curled up on the couch with takeout.

                  Can you think of a funny or touching experience that put your partner in a new light? The way he played with your little cousin or helped your grandmother up the stairs showed you that under his macho exterior is a wittle, bitty bunny wabbit and you love him for it. How to use: When you ____________, I saw you for the _____________ person you are. And that made me want to ____________.

                  Is there a harrowing experience that strengthened your bond? This one rides tandem with #9. How to use: See #9.

                  What goals and values do you both have? Stating your common bond may just expose your inner Wordsworth. These ties -- whether your shared faith or your mutual love of wine -- will also help demonstrate why you're a perfect pair. How to use: We share ___________, so together we can ___________.

                  What about him/her inspires you? What is it about your fiance that you'd like to improve in yourself? What do you most respect about your partner? How to use: Your ___________ has shown me how to be___________.

                  What promise can you make to codify your devotion? Here's an opportunity to personalize your vows -- many couples pledge their endless love, but how many promise to take the dog out in the morning, even in the snow? How to use: I promise to always ___________.

                  How will you change together? You know what your goals are -- think about the steps the two of you will need to take together to reach them. How to use: I look forward to ___________ as we __________.

                  What metaphor (or simile) would capture your love? Think of something that describes or defines your love: Is it strong like a castle? Peaceful like a mountain stream? How to use: Our love is like a ___________ because it ___________.

                  Why are you entering the bond of marriage? Think about why marrying your fiance is so special. You may be surprised how the answer leads you to the perfect words. How to use: To me, marriage is ___________. With you, it's ___________.

                  What will keep your marriage strong? Find the bedrock of your relationship. What makes your relationship tick? Is it your resilience? Your shared sense of humor? How to use: Even when ___________, we will have ___________.

                  What are you most looking forward to about married life? The wedding is just the beginning. How to use: I look forward to ___________ as we embark on ___________.

                  What do you expect out of married life? Defining your expectations will help you make and keep promises. Think about your dreams, and what you'll have to vow to do to make them come true. How to use: I know our marriage will ___________ and I vow to ___________.

                  What words do you associate with love? Make a list of romantic terms so you can avoid overusing love -- too many repetitions dilute its power. How to use: My devotion/adoration/ passion is ___________.

                  #9 sn0048

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                    Posted 26 June 2009 - 05:02 PM

                    Try doing a word vomit and write down the ideas/concepts you want in the vows take some time off and then try to edit it into something good :)

                    #10 A2Bride

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                      Posted 28 June 2009 - 06:04 PM

                      Try to relax and visualize your relationship and life together...it will be perfect at the ceremony. As long as it comes from your heart and means something to the both of you, it will be perfect. Good luck.

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