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Am I too selfish?

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    Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:42 PM

    I'll try not to make this too long:
    Tonight my FI and I were discussing our travel arrangements. We are paying for his mom to attend the wedding and I expressed the fact that i would really like to stay 3-4 nights after the wedding at another resort away from the fam. He told me he did not want to sent his mom home on wed (the day after the wedding) so we can go to another resort. I feel that since she is flying in with us (we will be getting there the wed before the wedding) she would be spending time with us therefore sending her back with his brother who will be flying back to NYC the wed after the wedding is not a big deal. He proceeds to tell me that I am selfish and that we should not leave our guest at the hotel since they made the trip to DR for our wedding. Yes he is right but most of our guests (90%) are flying in saturday, therefore we would be spending sometime with them. Is he right am I being selfish? I spoke to my family about it (before I spoke to him about it) and they all felt that it would not be rude. At this point I just want to

    #2 cantwait2718

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      Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:52 PM

      I don't think it's selfish AT ALL. I know a destination wedding is not a "normal" wedding BUT if u got married at home and OOT guests came in for it would u stick around for the entire time they were there or would u still leave on your honeymoon? I think the expectation for a DW is theat u spend a couple days with your guests but if they decide to stay the entire time u r there it is not your job to entertain or be there for entire time. Hope that helps your disagreement with him.

      #3 EDSROSA

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        Posted 03 June 2009 - 10:03 PM

        I tried using that excuse too. His main argument w/me is that my parents travel alot and his mother doesn't go nowhere (not true she just chooses to go to FL and Puerto Rico, sooo not my fault!)
        It gets better he had the nerve to tell me that we could have had a honeymoon trip (courtesy of my sister) if it weren't for my big mouth. Although I was very happy to have gotten the offer from her I told her that she has done enough for us and I couldn't let her spend more $$ on us!

        #4 YaelM


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          Posted 03 June 2009 - 10:22 PM

          I dont think you are selfish at all! Would it be possible to stay an extra day after the wedding and then go somewhere else privately? That way you also have a full day after the wedding with your guests

          #5 foxytv

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            Posted 03 June 2009 - 10:27 PM

            We did exactly what you want to do. We got to the resort 3 days before the wedding and stayed one day after. Our guests all came on different days and had different length stays - several arrived before and/or departed after us. We moved to another resort for our honeymoon and stayed another 10 days. I don't really see why it is a big deal for your FH to have to fly back w/ his Mom. Is she elderly or have health problems? Sounds like there are plenty of other people to fly back with her. Either way, it may be touchy if he is steadfast, but I don't think that is a selfish request on your part at all. This is your WEDDING! :-) Are you planning a separate honeymoon at a later date? Or is your DW also your HM?

            #6 JenniferSS



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              Posted 04 June 2009 - 01:12 AM

              About 95% of my brides get married at one resort and then honeymoon at another so that they expereince a true "Honeymoon".

              It's really quite standard for a DW and honestly it seems strange that he wouldn't want some private time for the two of you. Plus his Mom might actually feel awkward intruding on your honeymoon time ! Unless he doesn't trust his brother to take care of their Mom while flying home?

              #7 EDSROSA

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                Posted 04 June 2009 - 07:13 AM

                His mom has no medical conditions. My original plan was to stay one day at the resort after the wedding. We get married on a tuesday so I thought that we could go to another resort from thursday to monday. At first he was fine with this and all of a sudden he changed his mind. Actually her flying back with his brother actually works to our favor. They both live on Long Island we live in queens so even if she traveled back w/us we would have to drive her out there. At this point I think he just wants to give me hard time.!

                #8 JOSIE

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                  Posted 04 June 2009 - 09:16 AM

                  Rosa- you're not being selfish! i think a lot of girls on here (me included) are doing a seperate honeymoon at a different resort. Thats totally normal by wedding standards, especially if you're paying for her trip in the first place AND she has someone to go home with (his brother). Of course you'll be spending time with his mom and the other guests for days before you move resorts anyway. Maybe you could tell FI you really wanted a few "private" days alone and possibly compromise on a 3 day trip and stay 1 extra day with the mom?

                  Good Luck!

                  #9 TheFutureMrs.Sears

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                    Posted 04 June 2009 - 09:59 AM

                    You are not being selfish by any means!!! You are spending time with everyone including his mother before the wedding and a day after. Also, it not like she's flying back alone, she's flying back with her other son. You are being completely appropriate!!! He's probably stressed and this is what he's taking it out on.

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                    #10 Jen_S

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                      Posted 04 June 2009 - 11:50 AM

                      I do not think you are being selfish at all. We decided at the last minute to stay a couple of days longer then we got a big snow storm in NJ so we moved resorts because we needed time for just the two of us. If you stay be prepared to not get any alone time the day after out wedding we had 2 sets of dinner reservations with 2 groups my DH and I wanted a quite dinner but were told you decided to have a dw and eveyone wants to spend time with you. We did not mind but switching resorts really felt like a honeymoon.
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