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Stressed out...Is it Rude?

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23 replies to this topic

#1 lscilley

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    Posted 02 June 2009 - 11:42 PM

    So my FI wanted to have an AHR because alot of people can't make it to the Dominican. I said fine and started planning with a budget of $1000 because we are not going to have alot of money right after the wedding. So I found a great hall rental cheap so moved onto food and drinks and it got to be way too expensive and I found myself completely stressing over it all. We get back Nov 26th and move to Australia Dec 1st so we would have had to have the AHR on Nov 28th such a short time after getting back and right before moving ugghh too much. I told my FI I didn't want to have one the reason I wanted to get married away was to keep it small and within budget this would make us go over. I will also be finishing school and having to write a provincial exam which is not cheap.
    We decided to have a casual outing at a Sports Bar here for friends and then get together and have a homeade dinner with the immediate family and thats it. No venue, no food or drinks or gifts or anything.
    Am I being selfish in not wanting to have an AHR? Will people be offended that we didn't plan a bigger event?
    We really need the money to get a place to live in Australia and buy stuff as we had to sell everything we owned since we couldn't take most of it with us

    Any advice is appreciated!

    #2 rodent


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      Posted 02 June 2009 - 11:48 PM

      scrap it!!!

      I felt all that same pressure to have an AHR, like we owed it to people for having a DW. It made me sick everytime I started to plan the thing. I finally had the wonderful joy of canceling it when my brother started planning his wedding right after mine. We decided there wasn't time for all the events. It was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.

      We ended up having a little AHR, but just because my MIL wanted to throw it. It was the day after my brother's wedding. Still, I don't think anyone would have cared if we did that.

      You don't owe people a dinner & drinks just to get married. I don't know when it turned in to this. I wish I didn't waste time worrying about others expectations & just enjoyed planning my wedding.

      If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't even call it a post wedding thing, but just a going away party.

      I wonder how many people on here actually enjoyed there AHR. Sounds like so many of us dreaded having it.

      #3 Jacilynda

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        Posted 02 June 2009 - 11:51 PM

        Honestly I think if your having a DW people shouldn't expect anything more. You've finally figured it and no longer stressing, so don't stress about what people are gonna think now.

        #4 nibsmom

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          Posted 03 June 2009 - 01:06 AM

          I don't think it's rude at all! Matt and I canceled ours, with really no good reason other than the fact that we didn't want to plan it and we won't have the money. We don't really think people will really appreciate it anyways - so it was a lot of stress for something that I'm not sure if people will miss!

          I think it's fine - it's up to you. There are lots of people who don't have AHRs! Like I figured out and what Morgan said - you don't owe people a good time because you got married!!

          #5 destination

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            Posted 03 June 2009 - 01:19 AM

            Don't feel guilty! We are only doing AHR because it was really important to the parents and frankly I am more stressed about that than I am about my DW which is a week away! I called my mom this morning and told her I want off the planning committee. Frankly, I think you're lucky to not have to have one!

            #6 sjmacphe

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              Posted 03 June 2009 - 01:32 AM

              I am with the other ladies, I can totally sympathize with how you are feeling! I was sort of thinking that I 'had' to have something at home for people who can't make it, but the more I thought about the details of having to fly across the country right after the wedding to have a party just to make people who were NOT at my wedding happy made no sense at all. Invite everyone you really want to have there, and that's all you can do, if they can't come, that's their loss.

              #7 roo66

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                Posted 03 June 2009 - 03:17 AM

                oh my gosh you are a busy lady.Dont do it!!! have a leaving do,like you said where people can turn up and wish you well.Im sure they would appreciate a look at the photos so have some photos and thats it.Im sure you will enjoy the event far more it also means the people that mean the most to you both will most probably be there as apposed to people feeling they cant get out of it because you sent an invite.Keep it casual like were leaving the country if you can make it join us for a farwell drink.One last piece of advise find time to relax xxx

                #8 jennie

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                  Posted 03 June 2009 - 08:31 AM

                  Don't worry about it and create more uneeded stress for yourself. You have a lot going on right now: the wedding, school, moving! If your FI insists, maybe you could just keep it very informal and have an AHR when you two come back from your DW and before you move. That way people close to you that couldn't make it can see you befor you move and celebrate your wedding. It could be just at someone's home and have everyone bring a dish or have a BBQ.
                  For us, when we get back from our DW, we will probably just have a few close friends over for a BBQ and show off our pics.
                  Don't stress! Everything is stressfull enough without having to add more.
                  Good luck

                  #9 jk1101

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                    Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:04 AM

                    So you will have 5 days between coming home from your DW and when you move to another CONTINENT? plus you're fininishing school?
                    OMG!!! I think people will be impressed that you're still breathing, let alone throwing an AHR!!!!
                    You are not being selfish, you are being realistic!

                    #10 JOSIE

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                      Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:13 AM

                      You are DEFINITELY NOT being rude!!!! We're not having any sort of AHR at all, not even a get together at a bar!! People need to do what's best for them and the reason many girls have a DW (or elope with immediate family, etc) is because they can't afford an AHR or a traditional wedding. It sounds crazy that you're even doing as much as you are (go you!!!) in the short time between when you get home and then move to Australia.

                      Don't worry, Don't Stress, and stick to your plan of the beautiful DW!!

                      Congrats :)

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