Posted 02 June 2009 - 10:19 PM
I'm sorry to be the dissenting opinion here but DW's are expensive. And it's really not fair to judge her concern about expenses by saying she has no bills to pay or that her boyfriend is practically rich. She may not have bills but if she's in school she may not have a huge bank account either and expecting someone to spend a significant amount of their savings or go into debt for your wedding is asking a lot. If she's as close a friend as it sounds like she has been to you it's hard to imagine she'd just decide on a whim not to come and blow you off. Is it possible she promised to come before she realized what the commitment was going to be and was so afraid of disappointing or upsetting you that she just didn't tell you. (Which is really NOT cool on her part). There is often pressure on wedding attendants to put on parties or give gifts and that can be time intensive and expensive and she may be feeling a little stressed about that.
Again - I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong for being upset, I would be hurt and angry too but it just seems like some of your assumptions about the reason for her decision are unfair. She should never have led you on about coming and she does owe you more of an explanation that a text message saying "sorry" but if she's really your best friend I can't believe she would just walk away with no reason.
Regardless of her being there or not you will be a radiant bride and have a beautiful wedding, surrounded by people you love with the man of your dreams waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 07:46 AM
Also you mentioned she is giving you no reason, she has clearly given you a reason, they are trying to buy a house.
I think you should be dissapointed but you should not be livid or angry. I also think you should speak to her and be honest with her and tell her you are really sad she won't be there to share your special day, but in no way should you harbor your anger and make your relationship tense.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:23 AM
I said "__her name here___, I am crushed to find this out. I've known you forever and never in our relationship has anything like this happened. Is there something else going on here, because it is just not YOU to miss this"
basically just completely play the vicitim (which is hard because you said they wont talk about it, but keep trying, try to get your friend alone). just be really sad and depressed and act like this is not her at all, and ask for an explanation....explain your feelings.
If, in the end, they still do not come, at least you have closure and you expressed all your feelings and she was forced to give any sort of explanation. Its better than never "not knowing" and If I were you I would never be able to let it go.
It sounds like to me, something else is going on with her!
I'm so sorry this happened to you!!! Best of luck, keep us posted!!!!!!
Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:24 AM
I lost my 4 longest/best friends from the JA part of my wedding. All due to different reasons, mostly kids and cost, they just couldn't make it work. I was REALLY disappointed. Even for a while I thought, wow, I see how much I mean to them. But time and actions have shown that I DO really matter to them! They just couldn't make it work for Jamaica. Even if they do have money in savings, they may have plans for it (buying a house), but whatever their plans are, it's their decision and it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care about you. There just comes a time in a persons life where they have to think responsibly about their own lifes. Not going into debt to attend a friends DW is a pretty smart move if they can't afford it.
I am really sorry that you are so upset over it, but I have no doubts that she feels just as bad for missing your wedding.
Oh, and I would def tell her and her bf/fi/whatever, that they will owe you for whatever money you have put out as this point since they backed out of the plans. Not sure that you will ever see the money, but I do believe that it's their responsibility, since they are the ones breaking plans.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 10:35 AM
I too believe it is not our place to judge our friends, or make assumptions about thier bank accounts.
I do agree though that what your friend did was pretty $h"tt*.... being that you had already purchased and paid for the bridesmaid dresses. It is nice that you have found a stand in replacement (however I don't really think that was necessary - as the sides don't really have to be balanced) to fill the shoes of your friend that cannot be there.
However, I do not think that this is cause for dissolving a life long friendship. Yes, you are upset now... but in time as things cool off -- you may be seeking your BFF once again. Trust me from experience. Sometimes doing/saying things in haste, is exactly that; hasty.
Best of luck.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 10:55 AM
Posted 03 June 2009 - 02:01 PM
Having people back out is a part of having a DW. I had people who were "definately going, no way were they missing even if they had to call out sick from work everyday" not come. It happens all the time to girls. It sucks but you just gotta get past it and move on. Try to forgive your friend. I know it hurts she's missing your big day but i'm sure it hurts her not being able to go too. Maybe she'll make it up to you and be a lot of help with the planning process.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 05:54 PM
| Originally Posted by amberlynne87 |
They have only been together for like six months. I've been with my fiance for 6 years!!! I understand you want a life together and all but come on a house?? land How does that stop you from being a part of the most important event in my life?
I know your wedding day is important to you, of course. And I am sure it is important to your friend too. But put it into perspective - it's one day. And it's an expensive day! Your friends are choosing to spend that money on a long term investment instead. Sounds pretty smart to me. I'd hope that as a good friend, you'd understand and while you'd miss her at your wedding - you'd be excited for her future.
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Posted 03 June 2009 - 06:17 PM
It hurts when people you think we're going to go, don't, but it's one thing when they call or come by and visit and tell you what's going on, it's another when they totally blow you off and think it's not a big deal. The true friends realize how important this is to you, and give it the attention it deserves.
I agree with the other ladies and just tell her how you feel, lay it all out in person. Perhaps you will find a very valid reason behind her not attending, and you will feel better. Perhaps you will find out she wasn't the true friend you thought she was, and you can move on with your dream wedding.
Either way, keep your head up, and enjoy the planning and your wedding. The most important person will be there, and at the end of the day, he's all that should matter.
Good Luck, keep us posted.
Posted 03 June 2009 - 09:32 PM
AND I found out that she "my best friend" wasn't telling her boyfriend, my fiance's best friend that I was offering to pay. She kept telling me that he wouldn't answer her and that she told him all this stuff but he still says no. Well my fiance talked with him on the phone and he said she never mentioned anything. So obviously someone is lying here. He was supposed to talk to her about it and work it out and he called to say nope we're not going.
Over 9years of friendship, we were practically sisters, and the most important day of my life isn't a good enough reason for her to be there for me.
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