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meghanmbm

I feel hopeless.

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YAY Wedding date twin!!!!!!

 

I feel you honey!!!!! I really really do! We have lots of people who were originally coming and lots of new people! I won't go into detail about my situation (if you want to know and think it might help you out PM me I'd be glad to you help you!). We have 2 months and some days I cry, some days i'm sooooo angry. Yolanda is right on our day we won't be thinking about those people who didn't make it. Honey, they are the ones missing out, not you!!!!

 

I've been struggling w/ lots of things. Here's what I've done thats really helped! I started using the blog feature on BDW. Its really nice getting out how I feel and not expecting any kind of response. Also this weekend I wrote up my planning thread on Word (which I'll add to as the day gets closer) but it really helped me get excited for our wedding and this day I've been planning for.

 

Stick in there! We're definitely here for you!

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Hang in there -- I am with everyone on this thread, it hasn't been easy and I have shed my share of tears over this process as well. There are a lot of expectations when it comes to a wedding, and it is an emotional time. Naturally, you want the people you care about to be there to share in your special moment.

 

At the end of the day (as someone pointed out to me), the most important thing is your relationship with your future husband. And if some people want to participate, lucky for them, and if they don't, you won't even miss them. Everyone has their own story and reasons for being able to make it or not. And it's hard not to judge or take it personally. The most important people to show up are you and your fiance. Everything after that is just icing and flowers on the wedding cake!

 

You are going to have an amazing wedding, an incredible day, and an even brighter future! I am cheering for you!

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Dont focus on the people that arent coming just focus on the people who care enough to travel all that way to join in your special day. Honestly like Yolanda said i didnt think about the people who couldnt make it my entire wedding day, actually the whole trip I dont think it really crossed my mind because i was having such a great time.

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I'm sorry you feel so let down by so many. That's something a lot of us have/are dealing with and continue to do so as we plan and execute our DW's.

 

I think, the important thing here is to perhaps change the way you are thinking about the whole thing. You are getting married. To your dream guy. Let THAT be your focal point and the source of your happiness. I can get married without anybody except God and FH in attendance and be just as joyful as I'd be with every person I love there. You can't control who comes and who doesn't; so why let it ruin your happiness during this time. You can never get these days back, leading up to your wedding. This is a time for you to focus on what's to come and becoming your man's wife. Don't make it about other's disappointing you. In the end, it's about the two of you and no one else.

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The same thing is starting to happen to us right now too. I think most DW brides go through this, so don't take it too personal (as hard as that is to do). I have come to peace with the fact that people have backed out. My Grandma was the most important person to me and she told me, for the whole past year, that she was so excited to come. Then she tells my Aunt that she is not coming now and feels like it would be too much effort. The next person to back out was my BF from college, who I was considering asking to be in my wedding (MOH....OK good thing I did not ask her). She was the 1st one to send in her RSVP as "yes" and the first one to tell the TA her travel dates. But when it fame time to send in the deposit, she wrote to my TA and told her she will not be attending??!?!?! This was 2 weeks ago and she still has not even told me that she is not coming!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say this is so rude, I will not be talking to her anymore. Lots of other people are now flaking out since the deposits have become due and things have become more real. I had another friend back out over email last week. I will not be suprised by anything anymore.

 

I think we just need to be thankful for those that will be making the trip. We should just go and have a GREAT time and take lots of photos and let everyone see what a wonderful time we had. In the end it really is all about the Bride and Groom and that is all that really matters. Yes, we would like all of our loved ones there, but if they can't make it, the wedding still goes on! Don't feel so bad, lots of brides go through this and you are not alone. If you need someone to vent to I am always here, going through the same thing!

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparkles8300 View Post
The same thing is starting to happen to us right now too. I think most DW brides go through this, so don't take it too personal (as hard as that is to do). I have come to peace with the fact that people have backed out. My Grandma was the most important person to me and she told me, for the whole past year, that she was so excited to come. Then she tells my Aunt that she is not coming now and feels like it would be too much effort. The next person to back out was my BF from college, who I was considering asking to be in my wedding (MOH....OK good thing I did not ask her). She was the 1st one to send in her RSVP as "yes" and the first one to tell the TA her travel dates. But when it fame time to send in the deposit, she wrote to my TA and told her she will not be attending??!?!?! This was 2 weeks ago and she still has not even told me that she is not coming!!!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say this is so rude, I will not be talking to her anymore. Lots of other people are now flaking out since the deposits have become due and things have become more real. I had another friend back out over email last week. I will not be suprised by anything anymore.

I think we just need to be thankful for those that will be making the trip. We should just go and have a GREAT time and take lots of photos and let everyone see what a wonderful time we had. In the end it really is all about the Bride and Groom and that is all that really matters. Yes, we would like all of our loved ones there, but if they can't make it, the wedding still goes on! Don't feel so bad, lots of brides go through this and you are not alone. If you need someone to vent to I am always here, going through the same thing!
Oh, girl that is RICH! WOW...lol Not to laugh, but I hope YOU are laughing because that's ridiculously pathetic of her! Seriously, I don't blame you if you never talk to her again. That's so completely unnecessarily rude.

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Wow, that is special...

 

Well I am glad I read this post so that I know what to expect for my DW. A lot of my closests family told me they would be up for it, but my gut feeling says that may change closer to the date. I already had my MOH (who recommended a DW to me in the first place) tell me that she may not be able to go. That definately took me aback, but I guess it is to be expected. Oh well, saves me money, I guess. Either way, my FH and I will open our first all-inclusive carribean hotel experience by combining our lives together. Can't beat that!

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I am still trying to find a TA so I haven't had this happened yet... yet. I have people tell me they will go but after reading this my mind has changed. And all I can say is just think of all the wonderful people who will be and I am sure the people who can't go have a great reason for missing it and you have to respect that. Just make sure you and your FI have the time of your lives and the rest will fall into place regaurdless of your guests. It is time to be selfish.

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I agree with what the girls have already said so well. I just don't know how to add more to the great advice. Just remember that it's your wedding and focus on the 2 of you.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. We are all here to support you and vent to. Don't worry about that at all. We all have done it at one time or another.

I do feel your hurt. It's disappointing is what it is...when you expect people to be a part of something special for you and last min. changes are made.

If i could go back in time i myself would be re thinking bringing my so called best friend. In my own circumstance, i paid for her whole trip for 4 days/3nights and flight and she's been giving me the cold shoulder lately and i found out why. She's not happy in her own marriage and isn't supportive of mine. hos really does these things? Right?

Focus on your DW and on you. It's hard to say, but make the best of it and save it all for when you come back. Maybe like me you'll have to do some soul searching to better understand why people do the things they do.

Friends come and go throughout life and friendships change forms. Sometimes an unlikeley person becomes closer tahn you once thought and very close friends fade. It's life and I know it's hard to go through it. My FI is younger than me and is going through the same thing, as well.

Good Luck to you.

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Meghan, well...I don't know if you're still feeling the same way. I just noticed this post was from early June and your wedding day is just around the corner YAY elefant.gif

 

BUT I hope these feelings of sadness are not as bad now and you are now looking forward to your nuptials. Your post echoed so much of what I was going through during the last couple months of our wedding. Initially we were expecting more than 100 people, but little by little, the excuses came flying at us -- money, drug cartels, swine flu, school schedule, can't get vacay time, etc. There were some no's that didn't really bother me, but then there were those that bugged me for days, weeks, months. Up until a couple days before the wedding I still had hope one of my best friends, who was also a bridesmaid who had a dress, would be there. She never showed up and actually never even told me she wasn't coming. I guess I held out hope she would pop up to surprise me -- but it didn't happen.

 

In the days leading up to the wedding I started to realize how grateful I was for those who actually made the trip. On the day of the wedding, actually during the ceremony, I looked at all those faces smiling and so happy to be there and it filled my heart with so much love. I didn't even waste one thought on those missing. There is something about your wedding day that will fill all the holes, once you see your FI waiting at the end of the aisle and the eager smiles of those around you it's like forget about the "have-nots". TRUST ME!!!

 

Don't let those missing damper your day, I know its hard to accept right now, but I PROMISE YOU -- come showtime, you will be so excited and happy it won't even cross your mind hug2.gif

 

Your day will be fabulous no matter who is there or not! msnwink.gif

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