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In need of some support and opinions

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#1 jennie

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  • 200 posts

    Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:26 AM

    I'm very sorry to have to vent for a bit to you ladies. I'm just looking to be cheer up or told i'm wrong, I guess. I just feel so upset, sad, and disappointed right now.
    You see, my FH and I had thrown our own shower/ Jack and Jill. Doesn't really sound too fun to start off with, huh. We wanted to have people celebrate with us before we left and organized it ourselves because noone could do it for us of course. Anyways.... We paid for the hall, the food we cooked ourselves,raffle prizes. My friend volunteered his DJ services. I made/bought all of the decorations: paper lanterns, plastic lanterns, table runners, made flower filled vases, and so on it goes. My boss helped me make and buy the party thank you favors for the guests: candles with our ribbon with our DW date and names, candy molded chocolates, bubbles, votives inside wine glasses, and she even made us a money tree ( tree that's coiled so that people can stick dollars onto it in lui of cards/presents on their way out).

    A little background on myself. I'm the one that always has a few drinks at the very begining of the night because i'm usually the one left to taxi everyone home and babysit them. Not to be a baby, but I've never really had anything special thrown for me. Not for graduating college(2 bachelors), not really for any Birthday, not really for anything. I just wanted this to be nice.
    I don't really drink too much, while my FH is def. a drinker.

    And, at first it was OK. Everyone had a great time. My FH and I had taken the whole day off from our jobs to set up and cook. My father picked up a cake for us that i asked for (Italian bakery fruit filled/cream cake) to symbolize what would be our wedding cake if we had the wedding here.

    At the end of the night... probably the last hour.... I didn't feel so good and wanted to just be brought home. One of his sisters (he has 2 half sisters 34 and 36) drove me home in my SUV and went back with it to fill it up with the things from the party and to help clean up along with 8 other "adults".
    The next morning I woke up and looked in my SUV and saw that it wasn't really filled with anything. She came over to bring what was in her own car and still not really anything. WTF!? These so called adults, including his 2 sisters only saved 2 outta 10 table runners, brought cradboad boxes that said VASE on them, but only saved 4 vases outta 20, paper cups/plates, Supermarket soda, etc... His friend had our almost full keg(real nice friend). The money tree came back with no money on it "Oh, I never saw any" Yeah right! Good thing I took the money from the raffle with me! And, my cake? Where's my cake? "Oh it got thrown away" WTF!!!!! These so called friend had throw all of my vases, decoration(that didn't look like the cheap kind to throw away) and my cake!
    Why would those people be so cruel? Why would they have just saved a few and thrown all the rest away? Why take home stupid things like plates and cups and throw away and smashed to pieces (yes I went to the dumpster trash the next day to see if anything could be recovered and just sat and cried at my smashed vases and ripped runners). At least take the items home to us and say here, didn't know if you guys wanted this stuff, but we saved it and at least let US throw what we don't want away. I wanted to take some of the items down to Jamaica with us to place on our tables. I even spent time plaing our momograms on each vase, stones inside, flowers, personalized ribbon hot glued one by one with our colors. You get the point. They ment something to me. I worked hard on that stuff. On everything! These stupid idiots even made my FH drive home drunk when the y know he had gotten a DIU in the past. I know he's his own person, but he was drunk and just listened to them. He wasn't in a position to make a good decision. Why would they put him in that position? I really hate everyone right about now. I have just sat and cried about it. I'm hurt, disappointed and upset. This was supposed to be our day and no one could look out for us. We had this Jack and Jill shower to help raise money for our DW. We are doing the whole thing by ourselves. I just feel like everyone has been trying to sabotage us from the start and it keeps on getting worse.
    This is exactly why I wanted a DW to start off with.... to be away from all of the BS and fake people.
    Am I way off base, ladies? It's hard to know how to feel when you're actually IN the situation. Sometimes it's better to get a clear head from outside of the drama.
    Please help!

    #2 JOSIE

    • Sr. Member
    • 1,792 posts

      Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:38 AM

      First of all- I am so sorry to hear this It makes me sick that no one has ever thrown any sort of party for you!! I wish I could!!

      I want you to know that a lot of people have absolutely NO IDEA all of the work, effort, & money it costs to throw these things. We spent over 1,200 dollars on a shower for my best friend and rented a place etc, just the clean up and set up was excessive in itself so I feel your pain.

      All I can say is try not to take it personal. I know that sounds almost impossible, but people only think in terms of themselves a lot of times, and when they were cleaning up, maybe they figured they wouldnt want all 10 table runners, etc etc... I don't think its right and DO believe they should have brought it back to you, and let you decide...but based on your history with this kinda thing I don't think these people sound like the type to do that for you.

      I am so sorry this happened, realize that your DW IS THE BEST WAY not to deal with the little stuff, and hopefully on your wedding day, if anyone is "helping" you, now you'll know to specify not to just "throw stuff out!!!"

      XOXO I hope you're feeling better!!

      #3 jk1101

      • Sr. Member
      • 2,582 posts

        Posted 01 June 2009 - 09:55 AM

        Awww Jennie....I am so sorry that this happened to you. It totally sucks that you put so much effort into something that was really important to you, and people just disregarded your efforts and threw it all away.
        Josie is right that most people have no idea of how much time effort and $$ go into planning, putting together and executing any kind of party, especially when you pretty much did the whole thing yourself. It doesn't sound like the people that you left in charge of clean up know you very well, or know how much this all meant to you. They should have brought it all back to you - saed the cake etc. I hope you have pictures of everything you did, so you can remember how nice it all looked...
        You said you wanted to have a DW to get away from the BS and fake people - are the people you invited the the shower that did this to you your friends? Are they all invited to the DW?

        #4 shan13

        • Jr. Member
        • 189 posts

          Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:18 AM

          Jennie, I am so sorry...I completely understand about the DUI because my fiance has recently gotten one and was in the car w/his "friend" & grown ass uncle!! Why didn't one of them drive?..so I know how u feel about ur fiance friends not driving him home..at least one person should have been that responsible...

          As far as the clean up, people are never considerate when it comes to that sort of stuff..I really hate that they wouldn't have saved all ur stuff but we all know when it comes to clean up folks just want to get it done. I agree with pp about they don't know about the money, time, effort u put into the whole event..my big question is what happened to ur money from the money tree? And the cake at least should have been brought to u...in hindsight maybe u should have told the friend what all u wanted brought back to u when they dropped u off...

          I hope things get better for u..I know it's easier to say than do but try not to sweat it and look forward to ur big DW!

          #5 BBtoB

          • Jr. Member
          • 399 posts

            Posted 01 June 2009 - 10:54 AM

            Jennie, your story makes me want to cry. I am so sorrry you had such inconsiderate people helping you "clean up" and end the night. That is really unfortunate you lost items that you wanted to keep. You have every right to feel hurt! I would be livid!!!

            You put so much time, energy and money into this fun occasion....that is just such a shame that the people left there to help were so oblivious and unconcerned.

            Hang in there sweetie!

            #6 jennie

            • Jr. Member
            • 200 posts

              Posted 01 June 2009 - 11:16 AM

              Thank you so much ladies for all of your kind words and support. I guess I just thought that they would have looked out for me to make the night special.

              Josie: I agree, people just think in their own terms sometimes and not of others.
              "Jerseykitten": A big NO! Thos people are not invited to our DW wedding. It's just us, my 8yr. old daughter, my BF (who was home with the flu during this whole mess), &our parents. Some of the people were friends, his 2 sisters, etc...
              Shan13: Your right, I need to just look foward to the DW in August! Sorry you have experienced stupid people too and not designating drivers.
              BBtoB: Your right...they are very inconsiderate people. I thought that grown adults would have been alittle more responsible.

              Again, thank you girls. At first I thought and thought over wether or not i was making the right decision in having a DW, but you know what..... having a DW is the best thing. It brings together what is REALLY important. I want things simple and nice. We hired a TTD photographer because pic are imporatant to me. I have a dress fitting tomarrow and 8 weeks to go! I'll keep my mind off of things and focus on that. But, I will never do anything for those people in the future. I'm so upset. His sisters can appologize to me or they can stay there distance. I'll be cordial at family gatherings, but that's about it.
              Thank you

              #7 JOSIE

              • Sr. Member
              • 1,792 posts

                Posted 01 June 2009 - 11:46 AM

                Good for you, thats what you should do! Look out for YOURSELF, just like they did.

                Random side note: My FI also got a DUI 4 years ago and his friend took his keys away because he was too drunk do drive, but when FI wanted to leave and got upset, they give the keys back!!!!!!! who does that! The keys were taken for a REASON!

                It upset me to read that part of it, because not only was it unfair to your FI, they also put other people in danger!!!

                Keep your distance and be "cordial & nice" and thats all you need to do! I am learning as well to only go out of my way for those who would do the same for me!

                #8 jennie

                • Jr. Member
                • 200 posts

                  Posted 01 June 2009 - 01:10 PM

                  Sorry to hear your FI was put in a bad spot by friends also. I totaly agree with you! Who exactly does these things to others? It affectes EVERYONE.
                  I've weeded out friends over time, but I thought that part was over. Guess that I learned a lesson to never fully entrust people, but I just wanted to not be the sole one in charge of absolutely everything....just wanted to lay back and have a good time.... no worries. I guess that what Jamaica is for: no worries! Right?

                  #9 meghanmbm

                  • Jr. Member
                  • 203 posts

                    Posted 01 June 2009 - 03:22 PM

                    Hey let me start by saying F*$@ them, they all seem like a$$holes. I know that this wedding planning is stressful, more so than I ever imagined, but we all need to keep our minds in check and think about the real reason for this day. You are in love and marrying the man of your dreams, nothing else matters. It is times like this that peoples true colors come out shinning. I have learned on my 26 years on this earth that most people suck. You wont be able to change them, so just surround yourself with the ones that dont suck. Dont forget that this is only one day, so in the end you want to look back at this one day as a happy time in your life, dont let the jerks out there interfer with the happiest day of your life! Keep your head up.
                    Live every day like the next will never come.

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