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checking someone's email - advice please!


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#21 JOSIE

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    Posted 29 May 2009 - 09:41 AM

    Wow- great advice ladies! Thank you!! I took a lot of it! The first thing I did was call my mom (who is also the best friend of my bfs mom)...She said that clearly something else is going on here and these actions are not typical of my BF. She also suggested I confront her and just flat out state how extremely hurt I am by some of these things.

    So I did. I didn't admit to checking her email but I was still able to call her out on several lies and then played the card of "if you lie to me about that, what else are you lying about". I said I didnt understand the lies and some of the responses shes given me and its crushing given our history. I said when she talks to others I get the feeling shes changing my words or thoughts to appear right and I dont know why. I told her I cared about her but feel totally unjustified continuing to be there for her if this is how I'll be treated, etc. I said the most hurtful part is having a best friend who cannot be honest with you, for whatever reason...and that if she cannot communicate how she TRULY feels without fear that it will ruin our friendship then she must not view me as a very good friend!

    You know what the shocking thing is? She admitted all of it!!!!!!! She said that she doesnt know how to communicate and she has an obsession with being right and she doesnt know why and needs help getting over it. She admitted to being very private and not knowing how to communicate and watching me very social in our group of friends, and wanting to be the person everyone calls, but feeling like never will be, because people always call me. She cried about her upcoming wedding (july) and some fears she was having and admitted to being totally immature in some things shes done. She asked for my help...she thanked me for confronting her because she is so horrible at bringing things up or admitting fault. She cried and cried about how guilty she feels for what she put me through and doesnt know how to repair it. I think, in the end it just boils down to insecurity....she was looking for reassurance and was trying to get it in any way shape or form.

    we're working on it....but i was shocked by her honesty and admitting fault because that is very hard to do!

    Thanks again ladies!!! XOXO LOVE YOU ALL!
    11.28.2009

    #22 BachataBride

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      Posted 29 May 2009 - 09:55 AM

      Friends are hard to come by & if you both can work it out that's so great!! I hope it works out for you!

      #23 emme

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        Posted 29 May 2009 - 10:24 AM

        Omigosh...your story brought tears to my eyes!! I'm sorry for all the crap that you had to go through to get to this point...but based on her reaction and your caring...it will all work out. I wish you all the best!!
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        #24 Yari

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          Posted 29 May 2009 - 10:24 AM

          I am glad you confronted her and happy by her admission.

          Good luck! It looks like this friendship can be saved.

          #25 Amarillis

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            Posted 29 May 2009 - 11:27 AM

            I read through all the posts... the ladies here need kudos for all of their great advice!

            Furthermore, I am thrilled to read that it all worked out b/w yourself and your MOH. I am glad you talked things through.

            #26 KLaBate54

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              Posted 29 May 2009 - 01:47 PM

              OMG Josie...what a crazy story! I'm so happy to hear that everything worked out...I was getting nervous for a little while as I was reading!
              *Katie*

              #27 jajajaja

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                Posted 29 May 2009 - 02:09 PM

                Josie I'm totally late to the game but I'm really glad it worked out. I've lost some friends over the years over stupid silly stuff and I sometimes wonder if we were more mature and just talked it out if things would have gone differently. I'm really glad you took the high road and spoke to her. Apparenlty that was all that was needed.

                But slightly on topic- I thought it was kinda funny how a lot of the girls that confessed that they checked an ex's email because he was acting shaddy found out that surprise! He was shaddy! I'm sorry, but you have to follow your gut. If you can't get honesty out of someone and you know deep down something is up, who cares if you have to crack the email password. I'm with Savannah- the end justifies the means. If the cheating mother f'ers want privacy then don't be shaddy and cheat! (So i'm sounding somewhat crazy here, but I just wanted to let you know that I don't think you are completely wrong. It's a tad different checking up on a friend, but hey- shaddy is shaddy!)
                Happily married since 2008

                #28 Chanti

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                  Posted 29 May 2009 - 03:04 PM

                  Josie, I'm so glad things have worked out.
                  I must admit, reading your story and how things turned out when you confronted her make me wonder if I handled things appropriately in ending my friendship with my best friend who was supposed to be my maid of honour. I just broke off all communication. Now, I may try to fix things (although I recognize it may be too late), because most of the time I do miss her and wish things would have played out differently, despite how much she hurt me... Thanks for the inspiration!!!
                  Chantal

                  #29 JOSIE

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                    Posted 29 May 2009 - 03:08 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Chanti
                    Josie, I'm so glad things have worked out.
                    I must admit, reading your story and how things turned out when you confronted her make me wonder if I handled things appropriately in ending my friendship with my best friend who was supposed to be my maid of honour. I just broke off all communication. Now, I may try to fix things (although I recognize it may be too late), because most of the time I do miss her and wish things would have played out differently, despite how much she hurt me... Thanks for the inspiration!!!
                    Chantal
                    Aw, I'm glad to hear this!!! I know that I usually reach a point where I "cant take it anymore" and I just want to be AWAY from the situation. (My FI convinced me not to do this with my MOH because of our lifelong friendship) Sometimes when you take a step back and cut ties, you realize how important the person is to you! With many relationships, little things continuously happen and build up, and neither person wants to lay down and say "i love you and you're important to me, lets figure out how to work it out"

                    Please let me know what happens if you do reach out to her :)
                    11.28.2009

                    #30 *HOLLY*

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                      Posted 29 May 2009 - 03:11 PM

                      WOW that is great! Well its not great what she did but I am glad she admitted to it all. Hopefully you guys can get on the right track. Since you are BF hopefully she will get the help she needs and maybe still be your MOH depending the outcome. I wish you all the best!!!




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