checking someone's email - advice please!
Posted 28 May 2009 - 05:12 PM
Posted 28 May 2009 - 05:20 PM
I guess my point is if your going to feel so bad about what you suspected, what you did and how you feel now you might consider clearing your conscious. It may blow up and make you look bad but eventually that will all blow over where as guilt can eat at you forever and if you do slip up and say something and get caught you'll look even worse.
It sucks. I've been tempted to do this before and did actually read an ex's notebook one time when I was younger-found out what I suspected then didn't know what to do with all the information that I couldn't confront him with. It ended badly.
So good luck, keep us posted.
Posted 28 May 2009 - 06:11 PM
Posted 28 May 2009 - 06:23 PM
I think you should confront her. I am not one to push my feelings in and act like nothing has happened. Nonetheless, whatever you decide to do is going to be hard. Shit your roommates too, yikes. I am so sorry.
Posted 28 May 2009 - 07:19 PM
If I were you Josie, I'd just stop seeing / talking to her. I probably won't pick an arguement but she's not the kind of friend I want!
Posted 28 May 2009 - 07:45 PM
I'm a bit of a pushover and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Is there any "reason" that she is emailing lies? Is there something going on with her (ie. jealous of your upcoming wedding, sad you're moving out, etc...) that would make her be "this" girl? If there is more to it, maybe you just need a heart to heart with your best friend.
Above everything...be honest with her. Checking her email was wrong but letting this go any further is even more wrong.
That's my opinion
Hope it helps...
Posted 28 May 2009 - 11:30 PM
Umm...HELL nah you weren't wrong. And ya wanna know how I know that? Because of what you found. Yea, you shouldn't have done it, but sometimes, I'm sorry-but the ends justify the means when it's something like being stabbed in the back. You didn't boil any puppies or sacrifice a live virgin here. You got sneaky with someone who has been LYING in your name, behind your back for probably a long time. Who KNOWS what kind of damage this person could do/has done to your reputation amongst people you may actually care about? And people like that certainly aren't about to be real with you simply because you ask.
So I'm sorry, I'm not about to go the virtuous route and tell you "oh, for shame...you got what you deserved" You were getting something you did NOT deserve by being left in the dark about what this person was doing. I'm sure you'll have to pay in some ways for having been underhanded about the methods you used to get the info, but it's still good that you know so that you can give this fool the heave ho out of your life and get that knife out of your back.
I'd rather be known for having done something sneaky for a damn good reason and OWN that transgression, than to be known for things I didn't do, nor say all because someone I thought was a friend was lying about me.
Oh, and p.s-- feel guilty about WHA? I'd sleep like a baby and have good dreams to boot. Feeling guilty about this would be like feeling guilty about sneaking a peek around the curtain in the examination room and seeing the doctor putting arsenic in the syringe before he plunged it into your arm. Sometimes, ya gotta peek to save yourself. Clearly, your gut was telling you something for damn good reason.
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Posted 29 May 2009 - 08:09 AM
First talk to your parents, since they know all of the stakeholders in this. Let them know what's going on and get their perspective. It's surprising how good parents often are with this stuff.
Then, I'd turn the tables. I'd tell her that you had "concerns". That things are getting back to you that simply don't add up and you feel like maybe she's sharing things with people that you thought were between the two of you, and when she's doing it, she's not really telling the whole story. Tell her it's really causing you concerns - keeping you up at night, giving you cause to question your friendship, wondering if maybe you've simply grown in different directions, etc. Then see what she says. I'm betting on more lies, but let her dig her own grave. Don't stop her, don't tell her that you know the "truth". And when she's done, tell her you appreciate her comments and are going to think on it a bit. Give it a few days and see what comes back to you from friends. Chances are that she'll spin it again and not learn her lesson.
At that point, you can go to her again and say, "Gee, roomie, our mutual friend just told me that you said blah-blah-blah and that was so far from the truth. I just don't know if we can remain friends if you're going to treat me this way" or whatever. Let her feel the consequences of her actions.
It sounds like you've got good instincts. If the relationship is important to you and you want it to work out, give her the chance to see the error in her ways and stop her behaviors. If she doesn't, at least you tried, and you can walk away with your head up.
Good luck, hon! Big hugs!
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Posted 29 May 2009 - 08:28 AM
Posted 29 May 2009 - 08:30 AM
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