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CrystalM

Will I be a bridezilla if...

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shannond4156 View Post
I think you got your answer so I won't add to that. But I think what you do need to do is take a big deep breath! There will be lots of twists and turns that come up with planning your destintation wedding. You will be hurt by people that can't come and by the reasons they give you. On the upside though you will be amazed by the people that take the time, money and effort to come celebrate with you. Focus on these people and how great your day will be. If someone agrees to be a part of your wedding day; chances are they will do what they can to make it. However, life sometimes gets in the way and if they are truly close friends the money will work itself out in the end!

Happy Planning.
Well said Shannon.

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I keep going back and forth on my answer. I dont think I would get up and walk away from it I would talk it over with you on why you would think I may flake out. IMO I wouldnt do it I would say I want you to be in my wedding this is what my plans are. If you see yourself not being able to commit to this please let me know in these many days. Things happen. Enjoy your planning. You paying for your BM's is nice however people who have their BM's pay for there things are not tacky at all!

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I'm not going to defend myself, but I will say this:

 

My friend since I was 4 year old is one of them. She was supposed to get married 5 years ago. I was her MOH. I paid $280, YES, $280 dollars for my bridemaid dress, $75 on alterations, $60 for the matching dyeable shoes, and co hosted her bridal shower for $300, all to get to 2 months before the wedding and her "postpone" it cause they couldn't afford it. They have set 3 additional dates and each has come and gone. All the meanwhile, she told me to hang on to the dress and shoes...she *just* got married in April buy doing a JOP wedding. Am I still annoyed by this, absolutely. This is why I think it's tacky. She is worried about being able to afford it now as it is. So for everyone who just laid into me about it, what would you do?

 

It's also not like this was going to be the only thing in the contract....I was planning on spelling out every and any responsibilities such date, times, when to reserve things. I talked to one of the other girls about it today. She thinks it's a good idea. She's also a sm. bus. owner who deals with contracts all day long.

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I am sorry but I have to agree the majority. I would be upset, angry and greatly offended. I would agree to something like this if I could not afford to do it. If you would like to help out your wedding party to thank them for all they do. That is one thing but a contract. The problem with this is that only reason to get a contract is so that you have legal recourse. I think the only readon I would not be able to attend would be because of an act of God, something that is beyond our control. To take legal action against something like that? Bad idea, bad karma, just bad. Everyone is right you willl be the ultimate bridezilla and loose friends at the same time.

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Crystal, I agree that you should lay out your expectations so everyone is on the same page. It will be beneficial to not only you, but your BMs as well. However, asking someone to sign a contract is more than a little offensive. Since they are your friends, I would think that you would trust them.

 

As for what you friend did to you- well I think she wasn't a very thoughtful friend in asking her BMs to spend that much money when she was having such a low budget wedding that didn't even materialize. Obviously this experience made you think about what kind of bride you want to be and what you expect of your friends. But taking it so far as to make it a business transactions takes that "specialness" of having the people who mean the world to you share in your day.

 

If money is such a huge concern and you are worried that your BMs will not fulfill their obligations, why not just scrap the idea of a bridal party? You can still involve your friends in your wedding without the headaches bridal parties can bring.

 

Or if you are determined to have a bridal party, why not get together with your girls, have some cocktails and apps and lay down what you expect from them. It's as easy as that. Signing the dotted line is a whole other story in my book.

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Ok I am going to put this in the nicest way I know how.

You seem very concerned about money. You seem to be spending a chunk on them and you are very concerned about getting it back if they dont come. This to me almost sounds like you are buying your wedding party, and if you are overly concerned about the money maybe you cant afford it in the first place.

 

IMOP tell your bridal party your monitary intentions. And give them plenty of time to decide if they can come or not. I would tell you to shove it where the sund doesnt shine if you asked me to sign a contract.

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i think a contract is tacky. i think you should flat out tell the person that you want them to be in your wedding, but don't want them to feel obligated to spend the $$ on the trip, and that if they do come you'll pay for x, y, and z. that being said, you won't pay for x, y, and z until they put down a deposit on their trip...or don't tell them that you're paying and surprise them by giving them the $ to spend when you're away.

i think you and your childhood friend have some problems communicating, and you should probably address that...

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I like how Maureen phrased it. I would not do the contract, and I would personally feel offended by said contract. I understand you feel that you're giving a lot - you're probably used to people flaking on you. Gosh, I feel you on that!! I think once you lay down (via email or over cocktails) what exactly is expected of them both money and responsibility wise, then offer them a few days to think it over that would be great. I know one of my BMs ended up acting super weird so I finally called her out and it turned out she had just made too quick of a judgement and she really could not afford it but didn't want to hurt my feelings. SO I gave her the option of "backing out" and she took it. Then I had another BM never place a deposit and a couple of months ago I confronted her and found out she too is in debt and could not afford it. Was I upset? Well, yes. But in the end, the two girls who placed their deposits early on were the two that will be my MOH and BM, and I am honestly so happy and satisfied with that. I think it's great advice to wait until you see who places a deposit before you ask. I read that on here somewhere. I kind of wish I'd waited to do that, but in the end I really wouldn't change a thing. I've really found out who my true friends & family are!!! (and not just those going - some that just can't go are still very supportive!)

 

Oh, and btw - for the 2 girls who did book, I ended up paying for 1 night's stay + deposit for MOH and I bought my BM's dress (around $200). I'm also getting them massages on the beach the day of as well as hand made pairs of foot jewels :)

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have you considered not having a bridal party all together? I didn't and I felt like it saved a lot of time & money. Plus, I think my friends were happier playing at the beach on my wedding day instead of doing BM stuff. They popped in wearing swimsuits & zipped me up.

 

I did end up spending a couple of hours alone while getting ready, but I like alone time. I had my photographers around, too.

 

I often wonder why we do all this bridal party business. From the perspective of a bridesmaid & a bride, I think it's just simplier to not bother.

 

of course not everyone has my desire to keep weddings simple.

 

Oh & it was really nice going off just me & my new hubby to take pictures. We got some awesome romantic pictures and didn't have to spend some of that time doing bridal party shots.

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Yuck, glad your not my friend.

 

Expectations about being a BM...LOL, this is too funny for words.

 

Are you forgetting the meaning of having BM's in the first place?

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