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Am I being selfish?


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#1 jrprice24

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    Posted 08 May 2009 - 11:00 PM

    So I need some opinions on my MOH situation. I have a MOH who is my best friend and I was her MOH. She has decided that she is going to start trying to get pregnant in June which would make her 6mos pregnant at our wedding in January and 9 mos at our AHR in March.

    I feel selfish but at the same time I want her to be my MOH and be involved in all the parties and festivities at go on for a wedding. We also have a very good friend getting married in September so she is planning on missing out on her bach party and wedding too. I thought that once she heard that our friend was getting married that she might wait. It's only 6 months difference and she has a 1yr old at home now and he will turn 2 next March, when she plans on having the 2nd.

    I am afraid for her going to Mexico being pregnant b/c who knows what might happen- Hep A, pre-term labor, etc. I don't want to upset her but at the same time I would like to say something to her but I'm just not sure what b/c it is putting a barrier up between us.

    This has made us in limbo for our wedding party. I ended up asking another bridesmaid b/c I am afraid that she won't be able to go. We aren't asking another guy yet b/c we are waiting to see if she goes(we currently have 1 guy & 2 girls). I feel like the idea isn't up for discussion and she is not even questioning getting pregnant.

    HELP! Should I say something to her or am I being selfish?

    Thanks in advance!
    Jessica
    I am now Mrs. Rohwedder!!

    #2 ~Debra~

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      Posted 09 May 2009 - 12:50 AM

      I am in this exact situation. My MOH just got married in Jan and had informed me that her and her husband were trying to get pregnant. Now me and my MOH have been best friends since we were 9 so I spoke up and asked her to wait. It was selfish but she understood why I was asking. Now, I'll say although I asked, her ass ended up pregnant anyway. (I'm a little bitter if you can't tell LOL) She is now 2 months pregnant BUT she is surprisingly still very involved in everything. I just had my shower this past saturday and she decorated it all by herself. She is currenntly planning my bachelorette party with my bridesmaids and she's planning on attending. Its definitely a bummer knowing that she is limited in the sense that she can't drink with us and she's more tired more often now but I'm grateful that she's still attending.

      All this said, I'll say if you feel comfortable enough to ask her to hold off on getting pregnant I say go ahead. Hopefully she will understand that its because you really just want her to be involved in your wedding activities. Is it selfish? A little but hopefully she won't be offended by it like my MOH. Especially since you're asking because you NEED to know to determine who your bridesmaids will be. You could always approach it that way so you don't come off as selfish, KWIM? Good luck.

      #3 Jacilynda

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        Posted 09 May 2009 - 01:07 AM

        I'm sorry I didn't understand the entire situation. Correct me if I'm wrong but I got that you weren't asking you MOH to be your MOH cause she might be pregnant.

        This sounds crazy to me! My younger sis is my MOH and she is currently pregnant. She will be 33 weeks pregnant. her doctor has said that she is fine to go as long as she doesn' have any issues between now and then. I personally would be really offended if my sis or my BF would ask me to put my life on hold for their wedding, I personally just don't think thats right, and I would also be very hurt that they would replace me as MOH because I was choosing to build a bigger family.

        We have been to several hospitals in Mexico for several different reasons and in RM I felt they were just as nice as US hopsitals if not better in some places. I really don't see any reason to freak out about something happening w/ her.

        Maybe sit down and talk w/ her about how you feel and get an idea of what she thinks.

        If something happens w/ my sisters pregnancy and she can't make it hen she can't come. We made sure we had purchased a refundable ticket for her. We were set on having an even number of attendants and realized later on its not a big deal. And have decided that we will be happy in the end no matter what as long as we're both there

        #4 Alyssa

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          Posted 09 May 2009 - 06:35 AM

          Quote:
          Originally Posted by jrprice24
          So I need some opinions on my MOH situation. I have a MOH who is my best friend and I was her MOH. She has decided that she is going to start trying to get pregnant in June which would make her 6mos pregnant at our wedding in January and 9 mos at our AHR in March.
          IF - huge IF she even gets pregnant right away.

          I feel selfish but at the same time I want her to be my MOH and be involved in all the parties and festivities at go on for a wedding. We also have a very good friend getting married in September so she is planning on missing out on her bach party and wedding too. I thought that once she heard that our friend was getting married that she might wait. It's only 6 months difference and she has a 1yr old at home now and he will turn 2 next March, when she plans on having the 2nd.
          It's not much different to YOU but it is her life and why can't she be involved in the festivities if she is pregnant? wth?

          I am afraid for her going to Mexico being pregnant b/c who knows what might happen- Hep A, pre-term labor, etc. I don't want to upset her but at the same time I would like to say something to her but I'm just not sure what b/c it is putting a barrier up between us.
          she is a grown woman - if she is OK with it - it's not up to you

          This has made us in limbo for our wedding party. I ended up asking another bridesmaid b/c I am afraid that she won't be able to go. We aren't asking another guy yet b/c we are waiting to see if she goes(we currently have 1 guy & 2 girls). I feel like the idea isn't up for discussion and she is not even questioning getting pregnant.


          HELP! Should I say something to her or am I being selfish?

          Thanks in advance!
          Jessica
          Eek - IMO it is soooooo selfish - i wouldn't say anything to her. People can not put their lives on hold b/c of your wedding - it's not like she would due that month -IF she got preggo right away she would six months - i really don't even see how that affects you?
          seriously, i know when we are all in bride mode the world seems a lot less important than the wedding but you need to get a bit of perspective and remember that life goes on and having a child is a blessing.

          #5 montegobay09

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            Posted 09 May 2009 - 08:29 AM

            I don't have an opinion one way or another on this but I understand how you are feeling...whether it's selfish or not.

            If you check into it...I know a friend of ours didn't come to our wedding because she was pregnanat and found out that if she was past 30 some weeks pregnant (not sure of the actual number) insurance wouldn't cover her. So if something happened in Jamaica with the pregnancy (God forbid) she'd end up with a HUMUNGO bill. - that may be something she wants to look into before she makes any decisions?? It would also be a way of you showing your concern without offending her.

            Selfish or not, it's how you feel and you have to do something to make you feel better about it.

            I had to deal early on with the idea that my MOH wasn't going to be a part of my celebrations cause she (my sister) just seemed to have a bad attitude about the whole thing. I was a little teary eyed at first but then quickly sucked it up and realized that I have great friends to celebrate with and yes I would love to have MOH right by my side but in the end your day is special no matter what. Whatever happens just let it happen and don't worry about the details. Like ~Debra~ said, she will most likely be involved with everything anyway so don't sweat the small stuff. When you're planning for such a big day some things seem like such a big deal when really it's you and your FI that count. Let things happen and deal with them as they come.....most people don't get pregnanat right away!!! But if she does get pregnant don't forget to celebrate that with her too cause it's a huge thing to celebrate about!!

            #6 lgarner83

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              Posted 09 May 2009 - 09:49 AM

              Yeah, sorry but her life doesn't revolve around your wedding. My FI plan on starting to try and have a baby this Dec a couple months after our wedding and a friends (even a best friends) wedding would definitely not alter our plans. People have their own lives and their own plans. Especially when having a baby is SOOOOOOO much bigger than a wedding.

              #7 Yari

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                Posted 09 May 2009 - 12:33 PM

                Selfish isn't the word, you are being a bad friend. If she is your best friend you would ask her no matter what. So she is trying to get preggers, doesn't mean she will. But what if she did it's her decision to go to your wedding.

                I am just shocked that people think like this, it is so sad.

                I asked a dear friend of 17 years to be in my wedding. She told me that she was going to start TTC'ing and it didn't bother me at all. She ended up getting pregnant sooner than thought and was unable to attend my wedding. It made me sad for a a micro second and then I got over it. I was super excited for her and happy that a new baby was on it's way.

                #8 Kat81

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                  Posted 09 May 2009 - 01:18 PM

                  My bridesmaid was pregnant at my wedding. Other than not being able to drink it didn't make a difference I don't see why you would want her to wait. Most people can't get pregnant right away anyway so chances are she would only be 3 or 4 months pregnant. Anyway, people have their own lives. That would be like her asking you to postpone your wedding so that she could get pregnant first.... how would you feel?

                  #9 jrprice24

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                    Posted 09 May 2009 - 03:04 PM

                    Quote:
                    Originally Posted by Jacilynda
                    I'm sorry I didn't understand the entire situation. Correct me if I'm wrong but I got that you weren't asking you MOH to be your MOH cause she might be pregnant.

                    This sounds crazy to me! My younger sis is my MOH and she is currently pregnant. She will be 33 weeks pregnant. her doctor has said that she is fine to go as long as she doesn' have any issues between now and then. I personally would be really offended if my sis or my BF would ask me to put my life on hold for their wedding, I personally just don't think thats right, and I would also be very hurt that they would replace me as MOH because I was choosing to build a bigger family.

                    We have been to several hospitals in Mexico for several different reasons and in RM I felt they were just as nice as US hopsitals if not better in some places. I really don't see any reason to freak out about something happening w/ her.

                    Maybe sit down and talk w/ her about how you feel and get an idea of what she thinks.

                    If something happens w/ my sisters pregnancy and she can't make it hen she can't come. We made sure we had purchased a refundable ticket for her. We were set on having an even number of attendants and realized later on its not a big deal. And have decided that we will be happy in the end no matter what as long as we're both there
                    No, she is my MOH. I asked even knowing that it might be a possibility but thought she might rethink things once all of these festivities were taking place. My fear was that since she was the only person in the wedding(we were only going to have MOH and BM) we would be SOL if she didn't end up coming. I"m not replacing her but I need to have someone else available if she doesn't end up being able to make it. The other thing is that she isn't currently pregnant but plans on starting to try in June. I guess why not wait another 6 month b/c in the whole picture 6 months won't make that much of a difference. She would also be leaving her husband and her 1yr old at home, possibly being 6 months pregnant.
                    I am now Mrs. Rohwedder!!

                    #10 *Jen* OPPRN

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                      Posted 09 May 2009 - 03:12 PM

                      I wouldn't even worry about it - she may not even get pregnant - and even if she did I would have to say it shouldn't make a difference and you should be happy for her :S
                      January 31st, 2011Marrying the Love of My Lifehttp://i83.photobuck....m/meandbob.jpg




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