Invitation Dilemma, Please help
Posted 07 May 2009 - 07:26 AM
I have a problem on my hands and was hoping you would be able to help. Please get comfy as this may take a little while, while I give some history.
My mom and I have not always gotten along. But for the last couple of years things have been going great. She is really excited about the wedding and wants to help. My older sister got married and my mom was not apart of that and missed out on everything. My sister and my mom had a HUGE falling out. Anyway, I am concerned about the invitation because I now have to order and am unsure of how to word it. You My FI and I are footing the whole bill for the wedding. My mom is fickle and wants things to be traditional but only in some ways. They have not offered to help pay for anything. That is why we decided to have a DW because of cost. I have waited for this for a long time ( 20+ years) because we couldn't afford it. She wants to throw a shower that I will have to contribute to (at present no idea of how much money I have to spend on a shower). She also wants to invite everybody she knows. I may recall their names but not their faces. But because my mom is so excited I know she will be disappointed and heart broken if her name is not on the invitation. I think too because this is the first wedding she is involved in planning. When I asked FI about it he got upset, because they are paying for anything. He said if I do that and his Dad decides to go (Don't know yet) then he wants to put his name on it as well. We never talk or see his dad thats why he doesn't know yet!
I feel stuck in the middle. And know that I am going to disappoint no matter what. I hate stress and try to avoid it at all cost but I have to decide very soon. Oh one other thing I am not sure if this makes a difference but this is FI second marriage he is 47 and my first I am 40. We have lived together practically the whole time and we have two kids (7 & 10). Thanks any help you can give.
Posted 07 May 2009 - 08:32 AM
Posted 07 May 2009 - 08:37 AM
By the way, be careful about what you are willing to give up to make Mom happy. Because if you really don't want to include her name, doing so without making a big deal and pointing out that it's not what you want to do will just encourage her to make you accomodate her on other things.
Good luck with this. Just remember that it's YOUR wedding. You've waited this long, there's no reason that you have to compromise to make people happy.
Happily married since 2008
Allurements by Rebecca - Destination Wedding Invitations and more
Posted 07 May 2009 - 09:59 AM
Parents of the Bride:
Parents of the Groom:
This gave them recognition without really saying whether or not anyone contributed.
Also, Desiree is completely correct that you should not have to spend any money to have a shower that your mom wants to throw. If she can't afford to pay for it that's not your responsibility to foot the bill. She could find others to pitch in, friends of yours, aunts, even friends of hers, but not YOU!
Good luck sweetie. Make sure this is your wedding. I know you want to make your mom happy but you can't do that by sacrificing your happiness. Go with what you won't regret!!
Posted 07 May 2009 - 10:37 AM
Posted 07 May 2009 - 11:02 AM
It's very nice that your mom wants to help, but throwing a shower for her friends that you have to pay for is not helping. Not to be mean, but in my opinion, that's being self serving. She wants the glory of the shower. If she can't afford to pay for it, she shouldn't have it, or tone it down to where you don't have to contribute.
If you'd like to placate your mother and then FI for the wedding invitation, I did find this wording:
Please share our joy
at the wedding of
son of Dad
I know you don't want to disappoint your mom but it's your day and you don't want to disappoint yourself in the name of making everyone else happy. Your wedding, your day...have your mom help with something else like colors, flowers, anything without names on it....tell her you appreciate her input and will think about it.
Posted 07 May 2009 - 11:14 AM
Maybe you could explain to your mom that because you are not sure if FI's dad is coming you dont' want to put his name on the invite & you dont' think it would look right to put just her name on the invitation. Casually mention that you will be writing speeches...and you have to write a thank you especially for her for all her help! She may appreciate the verbal recognition more!
Posted 14 May 2009 - 09:52 AM
i *really* hope you don't end up paying for the shower though... tell your mom that it doesn't have to be anything extravagant.. just something thoughtful and sweet that EVERYONE ELSE can afford to chip in to - not you - would be wonderful!
Posted 14 May 2009 - 10:42 AM
Here's my last suggestion to include her in a very public way if you opt not to use parents names on the invite (and you shouldn't have to) ... what about putting a wedding announcement in your local paper after your wedding with a gorgeous DW photo? Those always include the parents names and could be something she could keep forever or even have framed. And she could make sure that all of her friends know about it and see it to share in her joy. Just a thought.
Good luck and try not to stress!
Posted 14 May 2009 - 11:36 AM
As for the shower well, I still have to broach that subject, but my purse is starting to feel very lite, as I didn't expect to put out so my for the invites. (FI insisted on having them done professionally!)
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