how to ask or suggest for only money as a wedding gift

[SSNM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa sorry to be so blunt but gifts are a bonus and not an expectation .

I beg to differ. Like I said previously, you wouldn't show up at a wedding and not bring a gift. That would be considered just as rude as you would consider asking for money rude. Kind of like tipping at a restaurant. They say it is optional and you would consider the waiter rude if (s)he asked for a tip. But if you didn't tip, the waiter would think you were a huge douche bag.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alyssa [why not just register at Bed,Bath & Beyond - you can return EVERYTHING there for cash!!!

Interesting...I never knew you could do this. But are there not policies against this sort of thing (i.e. only a certain amount of products can be returned). I mean, they are not a bank and I can see where many people would treat them as such.

[starchild]

I 1000% agree with Amarillis and the others who said don't do it. You may as well ask them to chip in on the wedding or to reimburse you for their plate. IMO that's just not right. Call me old fashioned but I would only ask for money if I was doing a charity drive or something, not for a gift.

 

SSNM, I also agree that gifts are a bonus. Plenty of people show up at weddings without gifts, especially at a DW. People spend a lot of money to attend these functions. If they get you a gift too that is fantastic. If they don't, so be it. At least they were there! Change the way you look at it and the universe may reward you with better gifts than you could have asked for

[SSNM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by starchild SSNM, I also agree that gifts are a bonus. Plenty of people show up at weddings without gifts, especially at a DW. People spend a lot of money to attend these functions. If they get you a gift too that is fantastic. If they don't, so be it. At least they were there! Change the way you look at it and the universe may reward you with better gifts than you could have asked for

Starchild, in the context of a DW, yes, gifts are definately a bonus and should not be expected after a guest paid a huge chunk of cash to be at your wedding. But a local wedding, I believe is different. Again, I put it on the same level as tipping. Not mandatory but the unwritten rule says you do it (unless the service was sh*t).

[starchild]

Yeah I guess we'll agree to disagree on this one!

[jamaicabride10]

We are in the same boat. I have put it on our wedding website, on the 'registries' page, that our registry is contribution towards a honeymoon. I wouldn't dream of putting it on the invites!!! Word of mouth usually works for a DW as most people are only bringing close family & friends. It's not like home where you have to get the word out to 300 people.. you're talking what...10-50 ppl max

For our engagement party we did not expect gifts at all, but low & behold..we got LOADS of rubbish that is now in the attic as we have nowhere to put it!! I'm sure most people who felt the need to give us gifts just re-wrapped some of their own wedding gifts that they did not want!!!...lol

It is not tradition in Ireland/UK to 'Register' So you usually get money from everyone...except the older folk who think you must give an actual gift.

 

Our poem on the website is:

 

'We are sending out this information,

in hope you will join our celebration.

But if a gift is your intention,

may we take this opportunity to mention,

we have already got a kettle and toaster,

crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters.

So rather than something we have already got,

we would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot.

But most importantly we request,

that you come to our wedding an be our guest'

 

...but I must stress...this is NOT on the invitation, as we feel the invitation should be just that, an invitation.

 

Anyone young enough to use the net can see your website (if you have one) and anyone too elderly to look at such things are probably few, and also more than likely are family members who can find out by WOM that you need money/honeymoon rather than 'stuff'.

 

I agree with the idea that no one is going to turn up at a wedding empty handed, and I personally would rather throw some cash in an envelope than go out gift-hunting! So I think my guests will feel the same sense of 'relief' at not having to go shopping.

As we do not really do registries here, it is an awful hassle to buy something for someone when you have no idea what they could possibly need!!

[SSNM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by TA Maureen Yes, it is also rude to show up to a wedding with no gift, but the guest should be able to choose any gift they like and not feel pressured to put a dollar amount to it.

Sustained.

Some people may get you a really nice gift that is in their budget. If you ask for money, they may feel the would have to give more than they would have spent on a gift -- totally get it, though they run the risk of getting a gift that the bridegroom will probably re-gift later or sell or return.

[JulieG]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SSNM though they run the risk of getting a gift that the bridegroom will probably re-gift later or sell or return.

So what!!! When I get someone a gift I get them something I think they will like. I don't ask them later what they did with it or where it is, if they didn't like it and they re-gifted it, that is their right, its their gift, I didn't buy it for me, I got it for them to use and they see fit.

Asking for money is tacky, period! I don't care if its a cute little poem or what, its tacky. If you do this, expect that people will be pissed and think you are tacky. I always give money, always, but the 1 invitation I got that said monetary gifts only, I got them a gift. Why, because its rude to ask for money! Also, I think if you expect money (because you asked for it), people will give you LESS money than they would have if you didn't ask because they are obligated to give it to you, instead of giving it to you because they want to.

[starchild]

You're better than me Julie, the last invitation I got asking for money - printed on the invite - got nothing from me. I rsvp'd with a no and kept it moving. Tacky tit for tat I guess

[SSNM]

What is the difference between asking for a specific type of gift and registering in terms of etiquette? I mean, are you not basically asking that people should get you a gift if you register?

[starchild]

I think Maureen explained it pretty well.